A Gift and a Leader

gift boxWhat is the best gift you can give as a leader?

So, I was sitting around on the couch Wednesday trying to keep glitter out of my coffee cup and avoiding an ever growing cloud of wrapping paper and ribbon flying though the air, and it occurred to me what is the best give I could give? So as I sit in my office on the day after Christmas, I have decided to do an internet search on Leadership and gifts, and I would like to share what my research has taught me.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, it seems as though honest feedback is the consensus best gift a leader can give their team. Everyone wants to know the truth, no matter how difficult it is to hear. But even though we want to hear honest and direct feedback, we generally don’t look on those occasions with much joy or pleasure.

A Gift and a Leader - 2Most people can come up with several traumatic stories from their pasts where they have given or received negative feedback. These negative experiences embed themselves into our psyche and become a source of anxiety. On the other hand, most people can also come up with an experience where a person gave them helpful feedback that contributed to a marked improvement in their effectiveness and influenced their success. So as leaders how do we help people see that whether the feedback is critical or positive it is a gift?

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Manday: A Movie Recommendation and Two Must Read Articles

DF-11070-Edit - Ben Stiller in THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY.

I am a movie buff.  I have passed that passion for movies on to my two boys and my wife.  Every week, my bride and I have date night.  That date night usually consists of dinner and a movie.  The day after Christmas, my boys insisted on seeing The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.  I want to highly recommend this film to you and your family.  Ben Stiller directs and stars in this amazing film.  It has a kind heart and is worth your time and money.  It is not a violent film filled with flashy stars flaunting their skin so it won’t be in the theatre for long.  See it.

One of the most powerful elements in this film is the use of cut scenes, dream sequences, and wild adventures that play out Walter’s fantasies and imagination. One minute everything is normal for Walter, and then suddenly, the scene is interrupted with loud special effects, character action, and slightly unrealistic scenarios. There is a part where Walter and his boss (Scott) are having a confrontation, and Walter zones out and imagines soaring through the city and fighting his boss like something out of “The Matrix.” This can be confusing as the scene goes completely off the rails without notice, but most times after playing out Walter’s vision, everything settles down and goes back to reality. These jumps in and out of reality are quite entertaining, and it is amusing to see Walter snap back into reality with people calling his name while he stares off into the distance. Walter’s imagination only begins as fantasy, but as the film goes on, he begins to actually experience real life adventures. The special effects and scene transitions are more than satisfactory, and there are outstanding camera shots of mountains, oceans, volcanoes and other scenery. There are many fantasy or silly scenes throughout the film, but these are presented to look the best on screen as they possibly can.  –HAYDEN PITTMAN WFAA Special Contributor

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I am a father.  My 300 often share articles of interest about parenthood.  Ken shared the following article during one of our many breakfast meetings,  I found it convicting and thought provoking.  The article is entitled:  How to Raise a Pagan Kid in a Christian Home.  Click on the link and read it.  It will get the spiritual and moral juices flowing.

 “And that was such a huge shift for me from the American Christian ideal. We’re drinking a cocktail that’s a mix of the Protestant work ethic, the American dream, and the gospel. And we’ve intertwined them so completely that we can’t tell them apart anymore. Our gospel has become a gospel of following your dreams and being good so God will make all your dreams come true. It’s the Oprah god.”

Lastly, I am also a man who checks the pulse of politics and social issues.   My friend and popular author David T., shared an interesting article from the Wall Street Journal that I had to share with you.  I thought it was appropriate with all the turmoil surrounding free speech, reality TV shows, and alternate lifestyles.  I also found it amazingly appropriate for Manday.  I teased on Facebook, that Ms. Paglia’s views are pure heresy and would be rejected by the small fringe groups, mass media, and popular opinion makers.  I challenge you to read it.  The article is entitled: Camille Paglia: A Feminist Defense of Masculine Virtues.  Yes.  That Camille.

“Politically correct, inadequate education, along with the decline of America’s brawny industrial base, leaves many men with “no models of manhood,” she says. “Masculinity is just becoming something that is imitated from the movies. There’s nothing left. There’s no room for anything manly right now.” The only place you can hear what men really feel these days, she claims, is on sports radio. No surprise, she is an avid listener. The energy and enthusiasm “inspires me as a writer,” she says, adding: “If we had to go to war,” the callers “are the men that would save the nation.”

I wanted to share these three things with you as you start your New Year.

Here is to a great 2014!!!

Fraud Alert

Fraud Alert - 2 How many of you got a nice letter or email from your bank this week informing you that your debit card was possibly one of the ones compromised in the Target retail store data breach?

I got one!  But by the time I received the email notice from Chase’s Fraud Department, I had already discovered that something was amiss when I visited an ATM machine to withdraw some Christmas cash and was told that I was over my limit for the day.  There was only one problem.  I hadn’t used my card yet that day!  So, I toodled around to the lobby and inquired.  That was when I got the “good news”.  Chase’s Fraud Department had been informed by Target about the breach.  Chase then immediately went into “protect our account holder mode” and enacted limits on transactions until they could get all of the issues sorted out.  Now fortunately my bank account was safe and Chase is sending me a new debit card to be extra safe.  And I am grateful for that.

I worked for a short time in banking earlier in my career.  And although I am not an expert by any means, I know this.  Banks must stay abreast of all the latest potential hacks, attacks and attempts to compromise our bank accounts.  They do not put a system in place and then walk away and leave it on eternal auto-pilot.  They monitor the situation daily, hourly, and moment by moment and transaction by transaction.  And when a transaction is slightly different from our normal pattern, a little “red flag” goes up and the bank checks it out.

Fraud Alert - 4This became apparent to me anew and afresh recently on a business trip to Prague in the Czech Republic. 

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Is a Step-Dad, Less of a Dad?

Is a step-dad less of a dad - 1First of all let me say, I am not looking for any self-glory or attention. It’s just that this time of year make me think of how much more Christmas makes me think about family, so I begin to think about mine and how it came to be.

Yes I am a step-father. I was a step-father before I was a father, and I look back on that time in my life and it reminds me of a great man of God. His name is Joseph. I don’t claim to be like Joseph, or worthy of being Jesus’s step-father, however, I can possibly relate to some of his struggles, with attempting to raise another’s child.

Jesus’ dad or rather step-dad. Yes, you read right, step-dad. I don’t’ think people really ever think of Joseph in this way. Joseph knew all along that Jesus was not his real son. Yet, he loved him and raised him as if he was.

Is a step-dad less of a dad - 2We all know the story. Joseph was betrothed to Mary, mother of Jesus. He found out that she was pregnant. Now we all know he could have divorced her, in fact he had intended to, but quietly. In those times Mary could have even been sued, stoned or put in prison and Joseph would have been in the right.

However, an angel of the Lord visited Joseph in a dream and told him not to leave Mary. For she was not unfaithful to him but was in fact, pregnant by the Holy Spirit with God’s child. Well, this changed everything.

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Leading Them to the Manger

Leading Them to the Manger - 1This will be my last chance to speak to the fathers before Christmas day rolls around. And I want to continue the theme of my article last year at Christmas. My admonition to the fathers out there last year on Christmas Day was to “Let’s lead our families and loved ones to the manger today.”

It seems that Christmas has become the domain of the “Moms” out there. They do most of the shopping and certainly most of the wrapping. Be honest guys, how many presents have you wrapped this year?

And that is all well and good. Perhaps in your family, like in mine, the wife and mother have more time to accomplish many of the tasks associated with the gifting of Christmas. Frankly, many of them enjoy it. But, probably they do not enjoy it like we think they do in the hustle and bustle of the last few days before Christmas. But they get it all done like the wonder women that they are.

So, what is the point for Fatherhood Friday on this last Friday before Christmas?

It is to remind you husbands and fathers out there of your sacred duty to lead your family to the manger on a daily basis. I know that Christmas will be over as quickly as it came upon us. But we must keep the beauty and the simplicity of the manger ever before us. And it is our jobs as the leaders in our homes to lead our families in slowing down, pausing to reflect, sharing the gift of love, and spending time around the manger where we can look into the face of the Newborn King.

Dads – Don’t send your wife and children to the manger this Sunday while you recline in front of the big screen TV and watch yet another football game. Get up, get off the couch and lead your family in some form of worship and praise of the greatest gift ever given – the Babe lying in the manger. The one came to lead us out of darkness and into eternal light.

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Charge Ahead or Leave It Alone

Charge Ahead or Leave It Alone - 1Question: How do we determine when we are to charge ahead as leaders or leave it alone and deal with it another day?

We have all been taught in elementary school that we should not put off a kindness until tomorrow that we can do today.  But what about a tough leadership decision?  Is there ever a situation where we would want to put that off for another time down the road?

Charge Ahead or Leave It Alone - 2When is it right to charge ahead and take the bull by the horns and lead in the midst of a difficult situation?  And when is it right to stand back and leave the issue alone and take a more relaxed and non-confrontational approach?  These are legitimate questions that I put before our audience of leaders and readers.  What are your thoughts?  And how did you make the determination regarding the approach that you would take?  Did you ever consider that taking the relaxed approach was a sign of weakness or indecision?  Did it make the situation better or worse by your decision?

I am facing several interesting and difficult leadership challenges right now and I am seeking advice on how to approach these decisions and on the relative merits of each approach.  I hope that you are gaining valuable insights from our many leaders and readers and I hope that you will share some of your own insights with us.

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Photo credit: Boston Public Library / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

REPOST: Accountability: Two Men on a Roof

man-on-roof

Don Munton is the Singles Minister at Houston’s First Baptist Church. He is a mentor-pastor-friend of mine. Don shares an amazing story with the young single men under his leadership about accountability. He would always preface the story by telling them that a man alone is a man in the danger zone. (Insert images of Maverick and Goose slicing through the skies in an F14.)

Don would tell the story of two men on a roof from two opposite sides of the Bible. In 2 Samuel, we are told the first man was a king. He should have been taking care of kingly duties, like waging a war from the front lines, but instead he was on his roof overlooking his kingdom. Lo and behold, he spots a beautiful woman bathing on her rooftop and he can’t control himself. (In today’s terms, he was browsing the web and stumbled onto a site he could not resist.) He orders the woman to his bed and takes her. (He takes an ad out on Craig’s List and she responds.) Because of this man’s lack of accountability and pride, a husband is murdered, a child dies, a scandal ensues, and a kingdom is almost forfeit.

Fast forward to Mark Chapter 2, we see a paralyzed man being carried by four men to Jesus to be healed. Unfortunately, the crowds around Jesus don’t allow the men to get to the front door. So they carry their paralyzed friend to the roof of the house and begin tearing open the roof to lower their friend to Jesus. (Imagine being in the house and bits and pieces of the ceiling begin falling on you and then a man is lowered on a cot down towards your honored guest. You look up and think-Someone is paying for that.) Jesus heals the man. Now that man could not have gotten to Jesus without the help of his four friends. He could not have gotten on the roof without their aid.

Now look at the two men. One man was alone…a king…an island onto himself…somewhere he should not have been. And he failed. A momentary lapse in judgment. Where was his support group? Where were the men that would tell him that he needed to be at war and not at home alone on a rooftop?

The paralyzed man is helpless. He was not alone. No delusions of self-sufficiency. The man couldn’t care for himself without the help of others. He gets healed. But let’s look at the faith of his friends. The four men had to carry their buddy through the crowd. They probably had to carry him several blocks out of the way to get to Jesus, climb to a roof, traverse several rooftops, and then tear away a roof knowing Jesus would heal their friend. At any point, the crippled man may have said: “Stop! It’s too much trouble. I’m fine.” I have carried a grown man on a cot over three miles. It is not an easy task. But the men persevered; they may have even encouraged each other. What an amazing story of friendship and accountability.

Now I don’t have to tell you all the ways men can get into trouble today. We have enough talking heads telling us how bad we men are. So I won’t laundry list you into submission and guilt. You know the list and the proclivities we as men are inclined towards. So that is why it is so important to have life-minded men in your life to keep you accountable and tell you what you need to hear when you stray and encourage you when you stay true.

Do you have any friend who would carry you toward the Savior when you need Him the most?

Do you have a group of men who struggle and endure with you in your good and bad times?

Or would they allow you to be alone and handle it on your own? Could you be a friend like that to someone?

Find those men. Your life depends on it.

Leaders and the Reset Button

Leaders and the Reset Button - 1I was recently discussing with some colleagues the subject of leadership and the younger generation.  Now, I know that I immediately sound really old when I say “younger generation”.  But the reality of the situation is that those under the age of 30 (and even up to the age of 40) have a different view of the world because of the ubiquity of video games in their formative years.

For those of that generation who are now finding themselves as husbands, fathers, and burgeoning leaders in their jobs or at church many are finding themselves with difficulties in dealing with real life situations and the challenges of being the husband, father and leader that they have perhaps envisioned themselves becoming.  They are discovering that being a leader is a lot harder than it looks.  Being a full-time husband and father is harder than it looks.  Being responsible at work and responsive at home come with a high cost in terms of energy and emotional capital.

But these young leaders grew up playing video games.  And when the game was not turning out the way they wanted it to, or they encountered seemingly unsurmountable odds, they simply reached over to the game console and pushed the “Reset” button and instantly was granted a fresh start and new insights into the pitfalls that were just before the cause of their demise in the video game.  There were no consequences to restarting and they could begin a new and try something different this time.  They could even restart as a completely different character.

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Team Leaders and Judgment

Team Leaders and Judgement - 1Team Leaders – Do we judge ourselves too harshly or not harshly enough?

The art of self-awareness is absolutely key to being a successful leader. Why? Because we always judge ourselves based on our intentions. And others judge us on our behavior.

My leadership experience allowed for some briefing and debriefing, I wonder if there is not some good business and life advice there.

We might think we are being focused, empowering, direct, authoritative, in control and motivational but we might actually be being seen as too controlling, too direct, too “over the top” or even coming across as a bully. But, sometimes these traits are necessary to lead, aren’t they?

Team Leaders and Judgement - 2I think team leaders need to be aware of their strengths and weaknesses and then build a team around themselves to make sure that a particular weakness is overcome by someone with strengths in this area. As a leader you must work with your hand-picked dream team so that you’ve got the whole picture of your objective covered – by the right people.

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