Category Archives: Fatherhood Friday

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Don’t Be Afraid to Be Silly

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Acting Silly 053113-1One of the things that is the most important to us as men is that our wives and children respect us.  I think for many men respect comes before love in order of importance to the male psyche.  But, I won’t debate that here today.  Instead, I want to talk about something that in many ways may run counter to the notion of respect.

The opposite of respect is, of course, disrespect.  And as dads we cannot tolerate that from our children.  But consider for a moment the importance of being silly with your children.  Did you catch that?  I said that it is important to be silly with your children.  Why is that important?

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And Girls Are Not Little Men Either!

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FF - 20130524 - 2Last week I had little boys on my mind and some of the unique things about how they are made up.  And this week, it is little girls.  (Sorry, I just couldn’t resist the title of this article.)  And last week was about behavior issues while this week is a little more about the emotional aspect of being a father of a little girl.

Up until she walks down that aisle to marry the boy who will steal her from your heart, YOU are the most important man in the world to her.  And the way that you will model what a real man and husband looks like is how you relate to her mother.  I am not so naive as to realize that husbands and wives don’t always stay together.  But that is a subject for another day.  My point here is that your primary job is to love your wife the way that you want her husband to love her one day.  So model for her what love looks like, what honor looks like, what tenderness looks like and what steadfastness looks like.

Little girls are special.  There is nothing like

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Boys Are Not Little Men

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Restaurant High ChairOne of the hardest things about being a father of a little boy is realizing that he is not a little man.

Let that sink in for a few minutes.

I think that one of the hardest things about being a father is working through our son’s transition from infant to toddler to preschooler and on up the development path. And one of the toughest aspects of that for us fathers is the realization that at no place along that path is he just a small version of an adult.  He is a child,  And children do childish things.

But this is critical for us as fathers to understand if we are going to manage our expectations, or even have reasonable ones in the first place. Here is what I mean by this. A toddler, for example, is not developmentally able to behave like, think like or even sit like you or I are. But yet, many times we find ourselves out to dinner with our family and in a crowded restaurant. And the next thing we know, little “Junior” is squirming or fidgeting and generally making us aware that he is getting a little bored with life. He may even toss a few french fries onto the floor in his own frustration. Of course we don’t want to be embarrassed by our child’s behavior in the restaurant because I am sure the other patrons in the restaurant have never seen a fidgety child . . . (insert sarcasm here) Little junior starts to fuss and he does so in ever increasing levels until he gets our attention. And he soon gets our attention. But is probably not the attention little Junior is looking for.

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Fatherhood Is Finding the Joy in the Little Things

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Little ThingsI won’t name any names here. But some little girl who once lived in my house used to begin conversations (well, actually I think it was the beginning of a request) with this statement:

“Daddy, do you know what I like about you? You find joy in the little things.”

The next part of that little conversation was usually me asking what little thing I was about to find joy in doing. She always had a ready answer when I asked in return what joy I was finding. More often than not the “little thing” didn’t cost any money. It usually only cost a little time.

I was aware at the time of many of the joyous little things that came together to make up my life. I did so because I had a wife who reminded me often and who helped me to slow down from time to time and experience the joy of fatherhood. But, I bet I missed a bunch of little things as well. So, in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, in the overwhelming drive to be the best provider to my family, in the extreme exhaustion of working all day and coming home and rushing off to little league or soccer, I encourage you find some joy today and tomorrow in the “little things” that make being a Dad so great.

 

Photo credit: Nutmeg Designs / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

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Full-Contact Fatherhood

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Full-Contact Fatherhood 1I played football many years ago in high school. To be honest, I wasn’t that good at it. But I remember it well. And I was thinking about those experiences recently.

If you ever played football in an organized fashion you will remember that there were multiple kinds of practices. In the summer, there were “2 a Days”. Those were a morning session of practice followed by lunch followed by another practice followed by complete exhaustion. There were “Walk Throughs”. Those were usually conducted in very light athletic gear. That meant that we wore no pads and sometimes even wore no helmet since no one was going to get hit. They usually were more strategic and educational. The coach taught us new plays and showed us our blocking and routes.

And then there was “Full Contact” practice. This meant full football gear. You better have your chin strap on and snapped in place because we were going to bang together with great speed and with great enthusiasm. The coach did all he could to simulate playing conditions. You ran hard until you heard the whistle blow.

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How does a father judge himself?

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How Does A Father Judge HimselfAs a father and recently a new grandfather, I have begun some “score keeping” so to speak. As we celebrated my youngest daughters 9th birthday and look toward my wife and my 12th anniversary, I wonder if my family thinks I am successful. I don’t mean financially or in my career, I mean as a father or as a leader in my home.

Based on my military background I am probably harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. I mean really down deep “In those places we don’t talk about at parties…” do my children really think I am good a being a dad? I bet I could influence those answers by the tasks I asked them to accomplish right before I asked them.

I am sure my boss would object, but only slightly, when I say “being a father is the most important job in my life”. So how am I doing? Is it based on the stuff we have for my kids to play with? Is it based on the last vacation? Is it based on the newest electronic device we have? Is it based on how much fun we have? I think my kids view of me being a success, would be different then my view of being a success.

Do you think your kids would score your success on their report cards? Do you think your kids would score your success on their attendance at church? Is it selfish of me to be concerned about the grade my children would give me?

I find solace in a statement a friend told me once on the golf course, he is a teacher and I have remembered it for years. He said about teaching and his concern about his students, “You have to get comfortable with the fact you are planting a flower you may never see bloom”. I guess that with our children we are planting a garden, that will require a lifetime of cultivation, and we will measure our success on the crop that will be our children as adults.

Photo credit: DVIDSHUB / Foter.com / CC BY

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Fun with Father – Elementary Age

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Fun with Father - ElementaryLast week I tried to present some very practical things that we as Dads can do with our young children.  Sometimes we don’t feel very creative or we feel a little self-conscious about playing with them down on their level.  And that is OK.  But, I wanted to offer up a few fun (and inexpensive) things that will allow you to intentionally make time and find time to spend in play with your elementary school aged kids.

This week I am moving up a little on the development scale and looking at some practical ideas for spending intentional time with our kids when they are elementary aged.  Our kids have not yet begun to approach the dreaded teen years.  And we are still heroes to our kids and well-liked by them for the most part.

So, what can we do with our kids at this stage of their lives.  Consider the following:

  • Have a movie marathon (this is great for rainy or snowy days): It is so easy to have access to tons of movies and entertainment today. There is Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu and a whole host of others. Find a family friendly movie and sit down together and watch it. Make some popcorn and enjoy the time together.
  • Try out new restaurants: Many nice restaurants have lunch menus with smaller and less expensive portions. Save up and splurge on a nice restaurant and practice being grown-up and eating at grown-up places. But, please, curb your expectations. This may be the first time for them and it is not reasonable to expect them to actually be little adults.  This reminder is good for us to recall from time to time.
  • Special Food Treat Day: Spend the day searching for new and interesting special treats. Or, seek out a new place that serves your favorite treat.  Find the best snow cone stand, the best ice cream parlor, the best frozen yogurt or custard stand, or any other special treat.
  • Do the things others would do if someone comes to visit: Make time to do the “touristy” things that you never have time to think about or do. Act like a tourist and spend a day doing and seeing the things you normally skip over.  These are the very things that you wish you would have done after you move away from here and go to a new place far away.
  • Make an obstacle course: Build an obstacle course in the yard with balls, bats, and other gear you probably have lying around for some fun and exercise. And run the course together! Don’t just build it for them. Do it with them.  Remember last week I said that our kids need to see us playing and being silly from time to time.
  • Introduce the kids to old school TV: Do you have a love of Fraggle Rock or the Muppets? Go back even farther in time and introduce them to The Andy Griffith Show, Lucy, Little House on the Prairie, Happy Days, The Walton’s, Saved By The Bell, or some other older TV shows. Daddy Time is a great time to show your kids your “classic” favorites. Netflix or Amazon Prime are a great source for old school TV fun.
  • Board Game Day: How about a board game day as a way to have some and pass the time on a rainy or snowy day. Go find those games in the hall closet and spread them out on the dining room table. Be patient. These games may be new to them. And remember, kids have a strong sense of justice and fair play.  Did you ever have a Monopoly Marathon when you were a kid?  Go grab the play money from all the other games and make colossal loans so the game goes on and on.
  • Go on a Photo Safari: Grab your digital cameras, smart phones, DSs, iPads, etc. and head out for a walk. Have everyone take pictures of the same thing to see what kinds of different results everyone gets. Print them on photo paper at home and put them up on the refrigerator or make a gallery on the wall.
  • Bust out the hose: If it’s a nice hot day pull out the hose and wash the car. And you know that things will deteriorate into a full-fledged water battle before long!
  • Do nothing day: Let everyone sleep in. Stay in your PJs all day. Do as little as possible all day long. This will be more fun for the older kids than the younger ones!

Don’t over think this.  The point is to get out and have fun.  Or stay in and have fun.  Your kids won’t care whether it is out or in.  All they will care about is that you spent the day with them.  So, leave your phone on vibrate and let all but the most important calls go to voice mail.  These days will pass by quickly.

Don’t make me break out Harry Chapin’s “Cats in the Cradle“.

 

Photo credit: jeck_crow / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

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Fun with Father – Preschoolers

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Fun with Father - PreschoolersI promised last week on Fatherhood Friday that I would offer up some simple and inexpensive things for us as Dads to do with our youngest children.  And if you have a preschooler at home it’s best to come up with a schedule that includes everyone’s nap times, snack times, and meals for the day. Try to stick to their regular bed time if you can. Stir in a little fun, and a pinch of adventure, sprinkle it with creativity and you will be surprised at the memories that you will have created by the end of the day.

If you are like many of us Dads, your kids see you as the serious one.  Let’s face it, we go off to work every day.  We come home tired and sometimes stressed and our children see that and assume that is all that we are and what we are really like on the inside.  They never saw us in our younger days when we were carefree college students and doing silly things to try to get the attention of that girl that one day became your wife and their mother.  Your children need to see you in lighter and more carefree moments.  They need to see us at play a whole lot more than they need to see us at work!

Are you interested in showing them a different side of you?

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One On One With Your Children

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One on OneEach of us knows some things intuitively. For instance, as fathers we know that spending intentional uninterrupted time with your child has eternal rewards. No matter how much “stuff” you have bought for them, it will never compare to simply being with you and having your full attention.

Personal confession time here – Did I spend every waking moment engaging with my two children when they were growing up? No – I did not. To be sure, it is important to teach your children to play independently of you or with their siblings. After all, I had a job to go to each day, I had (and still have!) my wife to spend time with, I had tons of involvement in our church, as well as a drive pursue my individual interests and hobbies. I did, however, make an intentional effort to spend intentional time with them daily.

Child development experts tell us that frequent little bits of “Daddy Time” will create

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The Measure of a Man

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The Measure of a ManMy wife and I were recently meandering through the back roads and little towns of East Texas. We stopped at a roadside antique store as is our custom. Something caught my eye that I had never seen before. They were Measuring Rods. Just look at the picture on the left and you will see what I saw.

Measuring rods have been around for thousands of years. The earliest preserved one known is a copper-alloy bar which was found by a German Assyriologist while excavating at Nippur in Southern Mesopotamia. The bar dates from circa 2650 BC. and it was used as a measurement standard.

In the Middle Ages, bars were used as standards of length when surveying land. These bars often used a unit of measure called a Rod (unit) of length equal to 5.5 yards, 5.0292 meters, 16.5 feet, or 1⁄320 of a statute mile. The rod unit was still in use as a standard unit of measurement in the mid-19th century, when Henry David Thoreau used it frequently when describing distances in his literary work Walden.

Standard. Now there is a word that we don’t hear very often. In fact we live in a world that doesn’t really have standards or expectations any longer. Certainly not when it comes to how we live our daily lives. We are told that if it feels good to us and it doesn’t impinge on anyone else’s rights, then it is OK to do.

Why was the measuring bar so necessary?

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