Until she meets “Mr. Right” (and maybe even after that) you will be the greatest influence on your daughter’s view of herself and all of her many attributes.

So let’s start with the most obvious — Your daughter’s body self-image.  I cannot imagine what it must be like to grow up as a girl in today’s culture. One trip to the grocery store (and I try to avoid that place) tells you all that you need to know about what our culture values when it comes to a girl’s physical appearance. Even after the same magazines that portray a certain unattainable image go on and print an “expose” on how celebrities are airbrushed to carve away pounds and remove natural imperfections in their skin, our daughters still view themselves through the lens of all of those magazines near the check-out stands.

The sad reality is that we live in a world that oftentimes places more emphasis on a girl’s outer beauty than on her inner beauty.  And that emphasis has been since time began.

You have a limited time to influence how she views herself. Don’t waste a moment of it. Tell her early and often that she is as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside. And emphasize the inner beauty for its lasting qualities that time cannot wrinkle or sag.

So, what about those non-physical attributes? 

Our sons need us to model and monitor purity and respect for them.

That doesn’t sound very fun, does it? And what does it even mean?

It means that our sons need us to model purity and respect for him and monitor his ability to follow our example.

Most fathers would never intentionally instruct their son into a potentially destructive habit like alcoholism or drug dependence. Yet that’s exactly what can happen if we aren’t intentionally modeling purity for them, demonstrating respect for those around us respect and helping them remain “pure” in their thoughts and actions.

This is why I say you must be a “purity and respect” model and monitor.

Many young men have lost their sense of respect, and it especially shows in their speech. They trash talk, curse, and make crude jokes about those who they view as being less significant than themselves. They denigrate women or use foul language in front of children. Somewhere along the way, someone failed to correct their behavior. Most often it was due to the lack of a strong father in the home. And they learned how to deal with others through late night on HBO.

The “vision” that I am talking about has to do with the attitude that a father conveys about who he feels that his daughter is and what he feels that she can become.

All fathers have a vision of what potential is wrapped up in their young lives. And it is our job to cast a vision to their children about what they can become.

However, we must be careful because if we aren’t intentionally positive in the way we influence our children’s future, then we become overbearing and communicate disappointment in what they are or what they are becoming. And being negative or disappointed in your daughter’s present and future can be devastating.

So, what does a negative vision look like?

A negative vision can be downright demanding and demeaning. Negative vision sounds like:

“No kid of mine is going to come home with a report card with C-s on it. What’s wrong with you?”

“Why did you let that girl beat you at the last second?”

Negative vision can also be condemning:

“I know you were talking to that boyfriend on the phone. Why don’t you just tell me the truth? You’re turning into a liar!”

Or, it can be pessimistic and fatalistic:

“Don’t worry about doing well in math; boys are usually better at these subjects.”

On the other hand, a positive vision allows our daughters to see the good in their actions and their character.

So, what does a positive vision look like?

Have you ever gone “Orienteering”? For those of you unfamiliar with Orienteering, I offer the following definition as found in Wikipedia:

Orienteering is a family of sports that requires navigational skills using a map and compass to navigate from point to point in diverse and usually unfamiliar terrain, and normally moving at speed. Participants are given a topographical map, usually a specially prepared orienteering map, which they use to find control points. Originally a training exercise in land navigation for military officers, orienteering has developed many variations. (Emphasis added by me.)

Ok, so what is a “Control Point”? I am glad you asked. Consider the following, also from Wikipedia:

A control point (CP, also control and checkpoint) is a marked waypoint used in orienteering and related sports such as rogaining and adventure racing. It is located in the competition area; marked both on an orienteering map and in the terrain; and described on a control description sheet. The control point must be identifiable on the map and on the ground. A control point has three components: a high visibility item, known as a flag or kite; an identifier, known as a control code; and a recording mechanism for contestants to record proof that they visited the control point.

OK, I could write for a week on the implications of the information above. But I will resist. Rather, I will stick to a specific application of the principle.  So, just what is the principle here?