“My pop left when I was young. He didn’t teach me to be a man nor how to raise a child
… the two things I need I don’t have.”
– Jay-Z
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Category Archives: Manday
Rant-The Weiner Warning
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Anthony Weiner. His name says it all. Let me be very clear. Anthony is not a man. And he is a poor excuse for a leader. How he got elected much less married puzzles me? But men (and women) can be deceptive and present themselves better than they really are.
Anthony Weiner is a brat. He is a digital flasher. If the internet didn’t exist, he would be wearing a raincoat in a public place opening it up to any unsuspecting victim. He is a decadent pervert. This poor excuse of a man is so intoxicated with himself and so proud of his genitals he must present them in digital format to women who are not his wife. Was that too harsh? Well maybe we as men and leaders need to call deviant behavior what it is: shameful, decadent, and dangerous.
We use soft words to describe pretty sordid behavior because it’s socially acceptable and palatable on the tongue. We call what he did sexting. And it is socially acceptable.
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Manday-Continuing Proverbs 31 Verse 2
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Cartoon: Watterson, Bill. “Calvin and Hobbes.” Comic Strip. facebook.com/dailycalvinhobbes 12 July 2013.
How many of you had parents? Silly question…but I thought I would start off with that little ice breaker.
A couple of weeks ago while teaching on Proverbs, I asked the question-If you were to pass away today, what nugget of wisdom would you want your child to have learned from you?
The mother of King Lemuel asked the same question as she gave advise to her son, the King. The second verse of the much forgotten first nine verses of Proverbs 31 reads:
What [should I say], my son? What, son of my womb? What, son of my vows?
Like every parent, the King’s mother speaks/writes like one concerned with what to tell him…with what to share with him. I can feel the anguish of having to choose words carefully. And the prose is filled with concern.
I have two years before my oldest leaves our home and embarks on his own life. The next two years “concern” me. I am choosing my words carefully when I instruct and correct him. I remember presenting him to the church body when he was months old. I vowed to raise him to love God with all his heart, soul, and mind. I remember my vow daily. I promised to teach my oldest to live his life for God. Remember the name Lemuel meant “for God”. Devoted to God. I learned from commentaries that Solomon was also called Jedidah meaning “of the Lord”. So what vow are we talking about? What devotion? The commandment from Deuteronomy 6:4-7.
4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”
Parents teach your children what is good. No matter their station in life, everyone needs instruction. Kings the most. Men the most…husbands the most…fathers the most. Because children may recall all the good and bad teaching.
I remember thinking “Oh great…one day my kid is going to show up on Oprah and point at me and blame me for all his issues.” Probably.
I lean toward Matt Chandler’s assessment.
“We’re just gathering all the spiritual kindling we possibly can around our kids and begging God to ignite their souls for Him”.
Phew. Amen.
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Proverbs 31-Mom was Right!
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I recently had the privilege of leading a discussion to a group of men on Proverbs 31. No, we didn’t discuss the attributes of an unattainable, unrealistic woman but we discussed the first nine verses.
The first nine verses of Proverbs 31 are overlooked. These verses as the whole chapter are directed toward a King, uh…that would be translated a man.
The first nine verses are listed as the Sayings of King Lemuel…advise from his mother.
Let’s avoid the theological hand wringing and try not to figure out who King Lemeul was in history at this moment. I have done the commentary research and I just don’t want to bore you. He is a leader, a man, a son, and someone with authority. Someone like you and me. His mother’s advise is candid and simple.
King Lemuel’s mother addresses two items-
1. IMPURITY
2. DRUNKENESS
She warns that these two things will be her son’s ruin.
The verses are clear and the advice is stern.
Don’t spend your energy on women
or your efforts on those who destroy kings.
Leaders are not to waste their efforts and energy on women. The commentators go as far as to translate the verses as strange, gold-digging or loose women. As leaders we should be focused and not easily distracted by opportunistic women. In history, we have seen men fall because of their proclivities toward the opposite sex.
Now the next subject got the men’s group all up in a tizzy. Drunkeness.
It is not for kings, Lemuel,
it is not for kings to drink wine
or for rulers [to desire] beer.
Otherwise, they will drink,
forget what is decreed,
and pervert justice for all the oppressed.
Leaders are not to be drunk, period, ever. As leaders you are to be focused lest we impede our judgement and not protect the needy and helpless.
For it is a King’s(man’s) role to defend the meek, poor and helpless and speak truth.
How can you do these things if you have a history of skirt chasing and being liquored up all the time? You debase your leadership and your walk.
Can you recall this morning…things your Mother would always say to you as you grew up. Can you recite some of them today?
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Manday Quote-If you can’t say ouch…say “Amen!”
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Shake it. Don’t Break it.
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You wouldn’t think this sort of article would be necessary, would you? Unfortunately, it is. It seems that men shaking hands is a bit of a lost art.
Consider the handshake. Historical customs indicate that the handshake is commonly done upon meeting, greeting, parting, offering congratulations, expressing gratitude, or completing an agreement. In sports or other competitive activities, it is also done as a sign of good sportsmanship. Its purpose is to convey trust, balance, and equality.
So, let’s start with the basics.
This is a handshake.
This is not.
Neither is this.
I don’t even know what this is!
The importance of a good, strong, firm handshake cannot be overstated. When you shake hands with a man you figure out pretty quickly what kind of man you’re dealing with. If you are dealing with a confident man, a serious man, and a man not to be “trifled” with you will receive a solid, firm and strong handshake and you will receive direct eye-contact. If you experience something other than that, you may have doubts about the person you are greeting.
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Manday: Quote on Fatherhood
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“One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.”– Unknown
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Manday: Husbands, Date Your Wives
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Let’s keep this simple. In our busy world, we can get trapped with rushing children to this event and then to the next. It can be exhausting. It can be costly and it can consume a once healthy marriage. You can easily find yourself living for the kids.
One technique we like to utilize in our house is the word, No. Say no to extra things in the schedule. As leader of the house, men, we need to help prioritize the schedule. I would like to share the following advise I received as a young married husband to you. I don’t know if this is in some Gary Smalley book or Marriage enrichment book…I don’t have time to read that drivel. All I know is that what I’m about to share with you works.
Ready? Here it is:
Dialogue daily. Date Weekly. Depart Monthly.
Dialogue daily. Men initiate a daily conversation with your spouse. Call her if you’re running late. Text her. Message her. Just talk to her. Don’t lose the original dialogue you had when you pursued her.
Date weekly. Court your wife. Find a sitter and take her out. Make excuses to get alone with your spouse. Go to a movie. Dinner. Most likely your spouse is a sure thing. But plan a night out. You do all the planning. It can be as easy as a quick jaunt to Starbucks. Just do it. Go back to those days when you were dating and as soon as you left her presence…you couldn’t wait to see her again. Also, double date. Encourage another couple to join you. There are some strained marriages needing a breather as well.
Depart Monthly. Get out of Dodge once a month. Not a huge vacation. Make a day trip to Llano for barbecue as a day trip. Go to Galveston. Just get away for awhile.
The benefits are amazing. Your offspring see the most healthy relationship between the two of you. Boys and Girls see a Father in love with their Mother. It’s good stuff. Once again…have fun with it. Say no to Baseball practice or Scout Meeting, or ballet….and yes to dinner with the Spouse.
And by the way…spare me the comments on Gary Smalley. It is a preference. Get off this blog and talk to your spouse.
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RANTINGS-Put a value on Your Time
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Time is money. Time is the most precious commodity. We hear that all the time and yet we so willingly give it up. As a leader, I want to advise you to put a value on your time and teach others to value your time as well.
How? Be unavailable.
As a sales rep, I had to manage my time and clients shrewdly. My goal was to be easily accessible but not always available. I had responsibilities with other clients and I needed to allow myself time to be accessible for them. So I made some hard rules about the way I spent my time during the week.
Meetings
I remember wanting to eat my handgun because of all the worthless internal conference calls/meetings I had to endure. That isn’t going to change. So resign yourself to at least one day a week where you have to adhere to someone else’s timetable. The day of the week for me was every Monday. I gave up my Mondays to administrative work and being handcuffed to the desk or conference line.
I made some hard rules. I would
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Memorial Day Heroes
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Not all of our heroes have died in battle.
Please don’t take that the wrong way. I truly mean no disrespect. But a thought came to me as we stopped by Veteran’s Memorial Cemetery late yesterday afternoon. The thought was that heroes come in many forms. Consider if you would, the man that came home from the war and made a life for himself. He married his sweetheart. He got a job. He went to work every day. He helped his wife raise some children. He served on the church board. And he lived a full life. That man may not be a military hero. But he was a hero nonetheless.
Such can be said for both my father and my father-in-law. Both of these men served in the military. Both served in times of war. My father served during the Korean War. It was a somewhat forgotten war. Dad dodged a few bullets while in Korea and he served with honor. My father -in-law served during the Vietnam War. And if Korea was a forgotten war, then Vietnam was certainly a forgettable war to many Americans.
However, neither of these men are my hero because of what they did in the service of their Country. Both of these men are my heroes because of what they did in the service of their family. The late 1950s saw them leave the military and rejoined civilian life. And the 1960s and 1970s were times of great social upheaval in our Country’s history. It was almost social warfare. So many of their contemporaries and colleagues may have been military heroes, but they were wounded by that social warfare and went AWOL as husbands and fathers.
So, on Memorial Day and on Manday, I encourage those of us who are fathers to be a hero. Do not be AWOL. I encourage you to show up for duty every day. Be a “Hero of the Home“.
And to those of you who have lost loved ones in the service of our Country and for the sake of freedom, we at LeadershipVoices say, “Thank You” for paying the ultimate sacrifice that we can lift our voice in freedom.
Have a great Memorial Day
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