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Kevin Bowser

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I am the husband of a beautiful and wonderful woman. I am the father of two of the greatest kids on the planet. I am a father-in-law to a great young woman. And I am Papa to three very special grandchildren. In my spare time I am an active blogger and writer. And if there is any time left over, I work with small non-profit organizations and churches on the topics of change management, crisis intervention and leadership development.

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Calling All Fathers!

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FF - 20130607Everyone has a great “Father knows best” story.  Or, at least, everyone has a favorite anecdote about their Dad.

So, I am calling all Fathers to send me your favorite story about being a Dad.  And you Kids, I need you to send me your favorite story about your Dad.

I will take a look at each one and pick on of them to be the featured article for the Fatherhood Friday before this coming Father’s Day, June 16th.  Can you do it?  Will you do it?  It can be funny.  It can be heartwarming.  It can be anything that is memorable to you.  Let’s see who has the best story to share for Fatherhood Friday the 14th of June.

And, don’t worry, if you want it to be anonymous, just tell me and we will post it anonymously.  So, start thinking about it and try to remember the details of a great fatherhood story.  Send it to me by email at Kevin@LeadershipVoices.com.

 

Photo credit: DNAMichaud / Foter.com / CC BY

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How is the view?

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The Lead DogThat great southern philosopher, Lewis Grizzard, once said; “If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

Let me give you a few minutes to visualize that picture.   –  –  –  Do you have a mental picture?  What do you see?

Yup, you see the northern end of a southbound dog.  Picturesque, isn’t it?

But here is the point that Grizzard unwittingly (or maybe not so unwittingly) makes.  He is making a point that we need to strive to be leaders and to strive to lead the pack.  We should not just be content to run with the pack.  And that is a great point.  But I think there is a greater point to be made here.

The greater point is about the actual role and behavior of the leader.  Although the guy in the parka that stands on the back of the sled has all of the outward appearance of being a leader.  He in fact is not.  He is the encourager.  He is the one who exhorts us on.  He may even be the one with authority and the power of the whip if he chooses to use it.  But, he is not the leader.  I would submit to you that leadership is by example, not by command.

The leader is the number 1 dog out in front.  That dog is the one that the other dogs follow.  He sets the pace and the actual path the sled will take within the confines of the terrain and environment.

So, what is the leadership principle here?

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Don’t Be Afraid to Be Silly

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Acting Silly 053113-1One of the things that is the most important to us as men is that our wives and children respect us.  I think for many men respect comes before love in order of importance to the male psyche.  But, I won’t debate that here today.  Instead, I want to talk about something that in many ways may run counter to the notion of respect.

The opposite of respect is, of course, disrespect.  And as dads we cannot tolerate that from our children.  But consider for a moment the importance of being silly with your children.  Did you catch that?  I said that it is important to be silly with your children.  Why is that important?

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Memorial Day Heroes

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Memorial Day - 2013Not all of our heroes have died in battle.

Please don’t take that the wrong way.  I truly mean no disrespect.  But a thought came to me as we stopped by Veteran’s Memorial Cemetery late yesterday afternoon.  The thought was that heroes come in many forms.  Consider if you would, the man that came home from the war and made a life for himself.  He married his sweetheart.  He got a job.  He went to work every day.  He helped his wife raise some children.  He served on the church board.  And he lived a full life.  That man may not be a military hero.  But he was a hero nonetheless.

Such can be said for both my father and my father-in-law.  Both of these men served in the military.  Both served in times of war.  My father served during the Korean War.  It was a somewhat forgotten war.  Dad dodged a few bullets while in Korea and he served with honor.  My father -in-law served during the Vietnam War.  And if Korea was a forgotten war, then Vietnam was certainly a forgettable war to many Americans.

Dad - USAFHowever, neither of these men are my hero because of what they did in the service of their Country.  Both of these men are my heroes because of what they did in the service of their family.  The late 1950s saw them leave the military and rejoined civilian life.  And the 1960s and 1970s were times of great social upheaval in our Country’s history.  It was almost social warfare.  So many of their contemporaries and colleagues may have been military heroes, but they were wounded by that social warfare and went AWOL as husbands and fathers.

So, on Memorial Day and on Manday, I encourage those of us who are fathers to be a hero.  Do not be AWOL.  I encourage you to show up for duty every day.  Be a “Hero of the Home“.

And to those of you who have lost loved ones in the service of our Country and for the sake of freedom, we at LeadershipVoices say, “Thank You” for paying the ultimate sacrifice that we can lift our voice in freedom.

Have a great Memorial Day

 

 Photo credit: davidyuweb / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

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And Girls Are Not Little Men Either!

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FF - 20130524 - 2Last week I had little boys on my mind and some of the unique things about how they are made up.  And this week, it is little girls.  (Sorry, I just couldn’t resist the title of this article.)  And last week was about behavior issues while this week is a little more about the emotional aspect of being a father of a little girl.

Up until she walks down that aisle to marry the boy who will steal her from your heart, YOU are the most important man in the world to her.  And the way that you will model what a real man and husband looks like is how you relate to her mother.  I am not so naive as to realize that husbands and wives don’t always stay together.  But that is a subject for another day.  My point here is that your primary job is to love your wife the way that you want her husband to love her one day.  So model for her what love looks like, what honor looks like, what tenderness looks like and what steadfastness looks like.

Little girls are special.  There is nothing like

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Boys Are Not Little Men

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Restaurant High ChairOne of the hardest things about being a father of a little boy is realizing that he is not a little man.

Let that sink in for a few minutes.

I think that one of the hardest things about being a father is working through our son’s transition from infant to toddler to preschooler and on up the development path. And one of the toughest aspects of that for us fathers is the realization that at no place along that path is he just a small version of an adult.  He is a child,  And children do childish things.

But this is critical for us as fathers to understand if we are going to manage our expectations, or even have reasonable ones in the first place. Here is what I mean by this. A toddler, for example, is not developmentally able to behave like, think like or even sit like you or I are. But yet, many times we find ourselves out to dinner with our family and in a crowded restaurant. And the next thing we know, little “Junior” is squirming or fidgeting and generally making us aware that he is getting a little bored with life. He may even toss a few french fries onto the floor in his own frustration. Of course we don’t want to be embarrassed by our child’s behavior in the restaurant because I am sure the other patrons in the restaurant have never seen a fidgety child . . . (insert sarcasm here) Little junior starts to fuss and he does so in ever increasing levels until he gets our attention. And he soon gets our attention. But is probably not the attention little Junior is looking for.

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Fatherhood Is Finding the Joy in the Little Things

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Little ThingsI won’t name any names here. But some little girl who once lived in my house used to begin conversations (well, actually I think it was the beginning of a request) with this statement:

“Daddy, do you know what I like about you? You find joy in the little things.”

The next part of that little conversation was usually me asking what little thing I was about to find joy in doing. She always had a ready answer when I asked in return what joy I was finding. More often than not the “little thing” didn’t cost any money. It usually only cost a little time.

I was aware at the time of many of the joyous little things that came together to make up my life. I did so because I had a wife who reminded me often and who helped me to slow down from time to time and experience the joy of fatherhood. But, I bet I missed a bunch of little things as well. So, in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, in the overwhelming drive to be the best provider to my family, in the extreme exhaustion of working all day and coming home and rushing off to little league or soccer, I encourage you find some joy today and tomorrow in the “little things” that make being a Dad so great.

 

Photo credit: Nutmeg Designs / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

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Some Things to Consider in a Leadership Change

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4949862608_e0ec015fe9_mThere is an organization that I am a part of that is very near and dear to my heart. I have been an active part of that organization for my entire life.  I have been involved in various leadership roles for 30 years.  And we are about to embark on the path to a change in leadership. This change is completely voluntary. Our current leader is accepting the call to move on to a new challenge.  So, don’t be concerned that there has been an uprising or mutiny. But a change in leadership is coming because of that nonetheless.

What are some things that an organization should consider in selecting a new leader? Consider with me the following as a partial list of key skills, abilities, traits or tendencies. It is not an exhaustive list by any stretch. But it may spur some thoughts and ideas as the organization moves forward with selecting and calling new leadership.

  • Leadership – This one almost goes without saying. When selecting a leader, make sure they have demonstrated leadership before.
  • Past Performance / Results – when searching for a new leader, do your research. Check out the leadership candidate. Has he/she demonstrated strong leadership in the past? Do they get results?
  • Part of Something Bigger – Each of us is a part of a much larger organization. And we should consider that we are building something that is larger than our local organization and it should fit well with the larger organization.
  • Learn From Mistakes – Everybody makes them. How does the leadership candidate show that they have learned from mistakes made in the past?
  • Fit Within the System or Personality of the Organization – Does the candidate mesh with the organizations overall system or personality? If not, you are destined for conflict.
  • Understand Their Strengths And Weaknesses – Both the leadership candidate and the organization need to understand their respective strengths and weaknesses and each other’s as well.
  • Hard Worker – Are they a hard worker who exhibits high effort? This is key if they are to lead an organization largely comprised of volunteers.
  • Are They a Finisher? – It is one thing to come up with great ideas. But can they execute the ideas and drive them to completion?
  • Are They a Team Player? – Yes, they can lead. But can they get along with the rest of the team and with the whole organization?
  • Problem Solver – It is one thing to identify problems. That is the easy part. Can they solve problems? Can they work together with the leadership team to find creative solutions?
  • People Skills – This one is a skill that cannot be learned. It is often an intuitive and innate one. But, even those without great people skills can develop a “warmer” persona and demonstrate real care and concern for those people who make up the organization.
  • Consistency – The need for long patterns of demonstrated leadership is great. Being able to do something for a short time is one thing. Being able to be a successful leader for a long period of time is quite another.
  • Stability – What is their personal and private life like? Is there drama at home? There will be drama (or at least diminished success) at the office.
  • Charisma – Are they charismatic and dynamic as a leader? No one wants a boring and lifeless leader.
  • Are They Being Mentored? – They may be an established leader. But are they actively being coached or mentored? If they feel they don’t need help, then they need it more than they can imagine. There should be a plan for continual improvement.
  • Ability To Prioritize – No one can get everything done that needs to get done. So, can they prioritize and focus on the things that have the potential for the greatest impact?
  • Mental Toughness/ Personal Tenderness – Are they mentally tough enough to take the slings and arrows of leadership? Yet, are they personally tender and compassionate with an ability to speak to the organization with love and tenderness?
  • Capacity – Do they have the capacity to grow as the organization grows?
  • Listening Skills – It is assumed they can verbalize and vocalize. But can they listen?

This is not a complete or perfect list.  But, It should help organizations in the midst of leadership change or who are contemplating a change in leadership.

What traits or abilities would you add to the list?

 

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Leadership is like riding a bicycle

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Learning to Ride a BicycleI admit it. I fell victim to the “Downton Abbey” craze. I watched an episode one night out of curiosity. The next thing I knew, I had found Seasons 1 and 2 on Amazon Prime and we watched at least 2 episodes a night for the next 2 weeks until we had seen them all. Then we went to start watching Season 3 – only this time it wasn’t free on Amazon Prime. You know you are hooked when you hit the “Buy with 1-Click” button and you shell out the money for the entire 3rd season without even thinking about what it cost. But, I suppose all of that is a subject for another time.

I found the story compelling and the dialog incredible. The characters were fascinating and complex. If you have not seen it, I highly recommend it.

But I was captivated by a sentence uttered by a relatively minor character in the last episode of season 3. His name is Shrimpie and he is a husband caught in a loveless marriage and he is the father of a young woman who is rebelling against her parents and society in general. I am paraphrasing a quote from that episode:

“What I want is for her [his daughter] to know that family can be a loving thing. Love is like riding a bicycle or speaking French. If you don’t learn it young, it’s hard to get the trick of it later.”

I am taking this in a direction that you would expect and I am going to modify the quote to suit my purpose. What if

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Full-Contact Fatherhood

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Full-Contact Fatherhood 1I played football many years ago in high school. To be honest, I wasn’t that good at it. But I remember it well. And I was thinking about those experiences recently.

If you ever played football in an organized fashion you will remember that there were multiple kinds of practices. In the summer, there were “2 a Days”. Those were a morning session of practice followed by lunch followed by another practice followed by complete exhaustion. There were “Walk Throughs”. Those were usually conducted in very light athletic gear. That meant that we wore no pads and sometimes even wore no helmet since no one was going to get hit. They usually were more strategic and educational. The coach taught us new plays and showed us our blocking and routes.

And then there was “Full Contact” practice. This meant full football gear. You better have your chin strap on and snapped in place because we were going to bang together with great speed and with great enthusiasm. The coach did all he could to simulate playing conditions. You ran hard until you heard the whistle blow.

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