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Mentoring Moments – Tip or Bribe?

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Tip or Bribe - 1Is that a tip you are paying or is that a bribe?

Too few people see the relationship between tipping and bribing and even fewer understand the difference. Consider this: Research has shown that in places where people tip heavily, bribes are more likely to exchange hands as well. In addition, Countries with higher rates of tipping behavior also tended to have higher rates of corruption.

New research shows that there’s actually a line between the socially acceptable act of tipping and the immoral act of bribing, according to Magnus Thor Torfason, an assistant professor in Harvard Business School’s Entrepreneurial Management Unit. Professor Torfaon’s basic thesis is “It is generally considered a good-natured pro-social thing to tip, but bribing is considered to be antisocial and negative,” Torfason says. “So this relationship between tipping and corruption is counter-intuitive in the United States.” The line between the two is both fuzzy and gray.

This is a complicated area with a lot of “gray” turf. There have been many attempts to legislate proper behavior around the world, with varying success rates. It sure would be nice if there was some sort of globally acceptable standard. But, until the various cultural norms around the world harmonize and until there is a mature and common body of Law, gray areas will remain. The business you work for probably does business all over the word, and we need to adapt to local customs and practices in order to successful and legally manage our business – all the while keeping out of trouble back home in the USA.

I am a simple man, so let me offer some simple guidance.

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Roles and Responsibilities – Money

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Roles and Responsibilitues - MoneyI have been accused often of taking an approach that is too “business-like”. I like to take an analytical look at the world around me and my environment. That works well in the office environment. But folks tend not to like it very much when I am consulting with small churches about why they are still small and the others around them are growing. This same approach sometimes extends to my personal life.

One of the basic tenets of effectively executing a business objective is the correct identification and assignment of the roles and responsibilities of the members of the team. You may have a top performer in one area, but if they are assigned to an area that is not a strong suit, then things may not go as well as you would like. Of course they can use the assignment to “stretch” them and give them a valuable learning experience. But, you will usually not get optimal performance out of them in that situation.

So, this is “Manday”. What does this article have to do with that?

There are many roles and responsibilities that are often socially assumed to be the domain of us as men. One of the common ones is the handling of money. Many times we are the provider of the largest portion of the family income and it is easy to assume that we should then handle it and manage the disbursements to all of the family bills and obligations. That makes sense, right?

No always!

This is an area that we as men need to take a real hard look at and discuss with our wives whether or not it really should be our primary role and responsibility. In many marriages there are a myriad of things that one partner is good at and the other is not. And the handling of the family budget is usually one of them. But it is also one that carries with it the burden of a traditional or social norm that it is the man’s job to handle the money.

I challenge you as a man today to examine this vital role and responsibility within your family. Are you the best one for the job? If so, do it with diligence. If you are not, then delegate it decisively.

I want to make one final point. This is not a “free pass” to totally abdicate any responsibility for the hard work of managing the family budget. This is especially true when the outflow exceeds the income. No one likes paying the bills when there is not enough to go around. So, in those tough situations, work together to establish the priorities and establish a spending plan that both of you agree to completely. Then, the one with the role and responsibility of executing that plan can do so with the full knowledge and support of the other.

Happy “Tax Day” everyone!

 

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How does a father judge himself?

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How Does A Father Judge HimselfAs a father and recently a new grandfather, I have begun some “score keeping” so to speak. As we celebrated my youngest daughters 9th birthday and look toward my wife and my 12th anniversary, I wonder if my family thinks I am successful. I don’t mean financially or in my career, I mean as a father or as a leader in my home.

Based on my military background I am probably harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. I mean really down deep “In those places we don’t talk about at parties…” do my children really think I am good a being a dad? I bet I could influence those answers by the tasks I asked them to accomplish right before I asked them.

I am sure my boss would object, but only slightly, when I say “being a father is the most important job in my life”. So how am I doing? Is it based on the stuff we have for my kids to play with? Is it based on the last vacation? Is it based on the newest electronic device we have? Is it based on how much fun we have? I think my kids view of me being a success, would be different then my view of being a success.

Do you think your kids would score your success on their report cards? Do you think your kids would score your success on their attendance at church? Is it selfish of me to be concerned about the grade my children would give me?

I find solace in a statement a friend told me once on the golf course, he is a teacher and I have remembered it for years. He said about teaching and his concern about his students, “You have to get comfortable with the fact you are planting a flower you may never see bloom”. I guess that with our children we are planting a garden, that will require a lifetime of cultivation, and we will measure our success on the crop that will be our children as adults.

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Not that I have already attained . . .

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Not that I have already attainedI had a chance to have an early morning with a very dear friend this morning. He and I have known each other since soon after we moved to Texas. We get together on a somewhat regular basis. He is a great guy, a great husband and great father.  He is great representative of his company.  He is not a reader of this blog. Well, at least he hasn’t been, but I am working on him.

He reminded me this morning of the humbling nature of being a blogger on the topic of leadership. I do not put myself forward as a great leader and therefore you should read my blog. But, rather, I put myself forward as someone who is striving to be a great leader and someone who his striving to inspire others to greatness.

There is a verse in the New Testament of the Bible that sort of seems to fit the way I feel today.

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. – Philippians 3:12

Does that make sense to you?

Oh, and one more thing.  We have a great “Fatherhood Friday” article coming out tomorrow.  Please come back tomorrow and see what one of our authors has to say.

 

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As a soldier sees it

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As a soldier sees itI came across another great quote the other day. But, as I am getting old and didn’t write it down, I have to try to recall it from memory. The gist of it was the way that a soldier sees leadership. Leadership as a soldier sees it went something like this:

I do not follow orders, I obey them. Instead I follow a leader.

Let that sink in for a few minutes.

Now what does that mean?

Try as I might, I just cannot get some of the courtroom scenes from “A Few Good Men” out of my head. If you take some of the military bashing out of the film you are left with some riveting dialog. At some point along the way the characters Dawson and Downey lost sight of the impact of following an order from a leader who is not worthy. They followed an order and things went terribly wrong.

The premise of the movie is not a perfect analogy for me. But it does point out to me that we need to be clear regarding those that we chose to follow. And further, we need to be aware of the impact that we have on those who follow us.

And consider this as well.  We don’t always get to choose our leaders.

Are you following, obeying or leading?

 

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The World Lost a Leader Today

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Margaret ThatcherSome times we fall into the false belief that leadership is a male only club.  Alas, that is far from the truth. 

Today the world lost a truly great leader.  Margaret Thatcher died of a stroke this morning.  She was 87 years of age.  She had been ill for several years and had rarely been seen in public.  And for her contribution to the United Kingdom and freedom loving democracies everywhere her funeral will be second only to a State funeral for a member of the royal family.  And her funeral will be second only to Sir Winston Churchill’s.

Today is not the time to debate or recite her history.  But it is undeniable that she was a great leader.  Dubbed the “Iron Lady” by political allies and foes alike, she, along with President Ronald Reagan, brought about an end to the Cold War and brought an end to the U.S.S.R.

Not many prime ministers remain in people’s minds long after they have stepped down. Margaret Thatcher was one. She even became a character in plays and films.  Some have been humorous as portrayed in at least one James Bond movie.  Fewer still have given their name to a political philosophy.  To this day, ‘Thatcherism’ is used all over the world to describe a brisk, unsentimental, and a pull-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps approach. It can be viewed by some as political obstinacy. It has also become synonymous with ‘tough’.

She was a true friend and ally to the United States.  History continues to point to her and her working relationship with President Reagan as a model for allied nations to tackle issues on the global stage.

Rest in peace Baroness Margaret Thatcher.

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Fun with Father – Elementary Age

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Fun with Father - ElementaryLast week I tried to present some very practical things that we as Dads can do with our young children.  Sometimes we don’t feel very creative or we feel a little self-conscious about playing with them down on their level.  And that is OK.  But, I wanted to offer up a few fun (and inexpensive) things that will allow you to intentionally make time and find time to spend in play with your elementary school aged kids.

This week I am moving up a little on the development scale and looking at some practical ideas for spending intentional time with our kids when they are elementary aged.  Our kids have not yet begun to approach the dreaded teen years.  And we are still heroes to our kids and well-liked by them for the most part.

So, what can we do with our kids at this stage of their lives.  Consider the following:

  • Have a movie marathon (this is great for rainy or snowy days): It is so easy to have access to tons of movies and entertainment today. There is Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu and a whole host of others. Find a family friendly movie and sit down together and watch it. Make some popcorn and enjoy the time together.
  • Try out new restaurants: Many nice restaurants have lunch menus with smaller and less expensive portions. Save up and splurge on a nice restaurant and practice being grown-up and eating at grown-up places. But, please, curb your expectations. This may be the first time for them and it is not reasonable to expect them to actually be little adults.  This reminder is good for us to recall from time to time.
  • Special Food Treat Day: Spend the day searching for new and interesting special treats. Or, seek out a new place that serves your favorite treat.  Find the best snow cone stand, the best ice cream parlor, the best frozen yogurt or custard stand, or any other special treat.
  • Do the things others would do if someone comes to visit: Make time to do the “touristy” things that you never have time to think about or do. Act like a tourist and spend a day doing and seeing the things you normally skip over.  These are the very things that you wish you would have done after you move away from here and go to a new place far away.
  • Make an obstacle course: Build an obstacle course in the yard with balls, bats, and other gear you probably have lying around for some fun and exercise. And run the course together! Don’t just build it for them. Do it with them.  Remember last week I said that our kids need to see us playing and being silly from time to time.
  • Introduce the kids to old school TV: Do you have a love of Fraggle Rock or the Muppets? Go back even farther in time and introduce them to The Andy Griffith Show, Lucy, Little House on the Prairie, Happy Days, The Walton’s, Saved By The Bell, or some other older TV shows. Daddy Time is a great time to show your kids your “classic” favorites. Netflix or Amazon Prime are a great source for old school TV fun.
  • Board Game Day: How about a board game day as a way to have some and pass the time on a rainy or snowy day. Go find those games in the hall closet and spread them out on the dining room table. Be patient. These games may be new to them. And remember, kids have a strong sense of justice and fair play.  Did you ever have a Monopoly Marathon when you were a kid?  Go grab the play money from all the other games and make colossal loans so the game goes on and on.
  • Go on a Photo Safari: Grab your digital cameras, smart phones, DSs, iPads, etc. and head out for a walk. Have everyone take pictures of the same thing to see what kinds of different results everyone gets. Print them on photo paper at home and put them up on the refrigerator or make a gallery on the wall.
  • Bust out the hose: If it’s a nice hot day pull out the hose and wash the car. And you know that things will deteriorate into a full-fledged water battle before long!
  • Do nothing day: Let everyone sleep in. Stay in your PJs all day. Do as little as possible all day long. This will be more fun for the older kids than the younger ones!

Don’t over think this.  The point is to get out and have fun.  Or stay in and have fun.  Your kids won’t care whether it is out or in.  All they will care about is that you spent the day with them.  So, leave your phone on vibrate and let all but the most important calls go to voice mail.  These days will pass by quickly.

Don’t make me break out Harry Chapin’s “Cats in the Cradle“.

 

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Let Your Yea be Yea; and Your Nay, Nay

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Businessman Crossing FingersI read a quotation in a stock report a number of years back that I found humorous at the time, and it has stuck with me ever since. I have seldom, if ever, seen such a blatant example of someone trying to sound like they were saying something important when, in fact, they were saying virtually nothing at all.

John Chambers, CEO of Cisco Systems, was predicting growth in Cisco’s revenues in the upcoming quarter despite a decrease during the previous quarter. To support his position, he made the following statement:

“We are starting to see some very early signs that could be interpreted – with the appropriate caveats – as cautiously optimistic.”

If you didn’t listen to him too closely, you could be encouraged by the potential of the company and therefore the performance of its stock.

However, if you look more closely, you’ll see that virtually every word in the statement is what I call a “weasel word”. We (not solely him, so if it’s wrong he can’t bear all the blame) are starting to see some very early (could be wrong since it’s still early) signs (not facts, just indicators) that could (or could not) be interpreted (open to errors in methodology of analysis) — with appropriate caveats (beware) – as cautiously (proceed with caution) optimistic (not definitive, but hopeful).

Now I don’t know that much about John Chambers, but based on what you read, he must have some game. He has helped grow the company from $70 million when he joined Cisco in January 1991, to $1.2 billion when he assumed the role of CEO, to record revenues of $46 billion in FY12. His bio states that he has received numerous awards for his leadership over his past 18 years at the helm of Cisco, and it goes on to list about 15 of those honors. However, with apologies to my attorney friends, I think the lawyers got to his statement before it was released.

The Bible tells us in James 5:12, “let you yea by yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation.” Now, I’m not trying to condemn John Chambers, but Leaders need to be clear, forthright, and deliberate in their communications if those who are following them are to base their actions and their support on the guidance they are being given.

By the way, past performance is no guarantee of future results!

 

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Easter Thoughts on the Ultimate Leader

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Easter Thoughts on LeadershipWhen you are a blogger it can be sometimes difficult to tackle certain topics.  When you are a Christian blogger, it is really a daunting task to write on the subject of Jesus Christ and His leadership.  It almost makes that aspect of who He was seem corporate or secular.  But, on this day, I feel that I must address it if I am to be true to who I am as a writer and as a person.

There are many aspects of His life that I could point out on any given day.  And I don’t begin to know how to prioritize a few of them as we approach Easter morning.  But, let me point out one or two for our consideration as we approach Easter morning.

One of things that is most notable about His leadership style is that He poured His life into the lives of a small group of men.  You could mention the small crowds, you could mention the 70 that were sent out and you could mention the Twelve.  And that would be appropriate.  But consider for a few moments that He had especially intimate times with three – Peter, James and John.  These few comprised the absolute inner circle and as a result they had the opportunity to see Jesus Christ close up as He walked the Earth for the 3 years of His public ministry.  And they had an extremely close view of the events that lead up to His death on the cross.

So, here is the leadership thought for this post:  Who are you spending your time with?  Who are you pouring your life into?

And here is a bonus thought for today.  Jesus’ leadership continued beyond His death, His resurrection and His return to His Heavenly Father.  His leadership continues today.  And if you have accepted him as the leader of your life (as your personal Savior) then you will attest to His current and eternal leadership in the way you live your daily life.  And it will make a difference in the way you lead your family.

He is Risen!  And we celebrate that today.

I hope you have the opportunity to read this in time to lead your family to worship this Easter.  Do not send them to church to worship.  Take them and lead them in worship.

 

Photo credit: Travis Seitler / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

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Fun with Father – Preschoolers

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Fun with Father - PreschoolersI promised last week on Fatherhood Friday that I would offer up some simple and inexpensive things for us as Dads to do with our youngest children.  And if you have a preschooler at home it’s best to come up with a schedule that includes everyone’s nap times, snack times, and meals for the day. Try to stick to their regular bed time if you can. Stir in a little fun, and a pinch of adventure, sprinkle it with creativity and you will be surprised at the memories that you will have created by the end of the day.

If you are like many of us Dads, your kids see you as the serious one.  Let’s face it, we go off to work every day.  We come home tired and sometimes stressed and our children see that and assume that is all that we are and what we are really like on the inside.  They never saw us in our younger days when we were carefree college students and doing silly things to try to get the attention of that girl that one day became your wife and their mother.  Your children need to see you in lighter and more carefree moments.  They need to see us at play a whole lot more than they need to see us at work!

Are you interested in showing them a different side of you?

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