Accountability: The Single Man and Self Control


Many conversations of accountability focus strongly on the married man.   Unfortunately, the profile on which we build our foundation comes from the perspective of an established family man.  I have done many single men a disservice by not providing them a foundation on which to stand.  Hopefully, I can provide a challenge to the single man with a perspective for single-minded accountability.

Every man needs accountability.  When I say every man…that includes single men.  I personally believe single men need it now more than ever.  I observe young single men who believe they know it all and say some of the stupidest things in mixed company.  They treat their women as buddies instead of delicate flowers.  Augh!   This is something I never understood.  My Father raised me differently.  I never spoke ill of the opposite sex.  I always treated women with respect and honor.  So Single men…if you will listen up I am going to tell you what you need to hear not what you want to hear.

So who am I accountable to?  First and foremost, you are accountable to the ultimate power in the universe.  God.  The Creator of the universe.  Nothing has changed here…same message.  He brought you into this world…He can take you out.

You are in-experienced, immature, and, candidly, horny.  You are not entitled to damage single women because you can’t control yourself with her or with porn.

Second, if you are single,  you are accountable to self-control and your future spouse.  This is key.  You are not married.  You need to practice self-control.  As a young single male…you are already behind the curve.  How?  You are in-experienced, immature, and, candidly, horny.  You are not entitled to damage single women because you are unwilling to or won’t control yourself with her or with porn.  If you are in a relationship, you treat that woman with respect and honor.  You don’t criticize her beautiful looks and you don’t embarrass her in public by announcing her flaws and shortcomings.  Grow up, man.  Scratching, spitting, cursing, belching, farting, and fist bumping are all guy things and she is not expecting that from you.   Control your tongue, don’t curse in front of her and don’t share crude jokes in her presence.  She does not desire that from you.  She is looking for a strong man, a future husband, and future father who chooses his words thoughtfully.  She needs the reassurance you can nurture a child she gives you when you and her become one.

Your lack of commitment is cowardice.  Plain and simple.  And she is foolish to stay with you in hopes you will grow a pair and commit.  But this is on you.  Not her.  Your actions are dictating the relationship and you should be ashamed.  Let’s table that for another day…

Third, practice what I preach.  Find a group of men.  I have been accountable to a group of three men for over 13 years.  I call them my 300. I am 100% invested in their lives and they in mine.  Thus 300!  These men have my back and I have theirs.

As a young single man, you need to find a group of men and meet.  I recommend they be your peers and be somewhat in your same season of life, age, and like-minded interests.   Find men that make you a better man.  Don’t hang out with men that wake up naked with women they don’t know.  Because you will learn to compromise yourself in every aspect of your life and sadly laugh it off.

Find a Grey Haired.  You need to find a grey haired man to mentor you.  As a young man, you may not rely so much on your parents’ advise.  Truth is at your age the hardest thing is to admit that your parents are right about the years of unwanted advice they bestowed upon you.  So what most young men do is not ask for advice from their parents.  Find a Grey Hair and ask them for advice.  Then practice what they preach.  You see they have navigated the foxholes in the battlefield of life…and they can show the path of least resistance.

Listen, I have less hair than you and what remains is grey…your job is to shut up, listen, and thank me for looking out for your sorry butt. 

Most importantly, be COACH-able.  Nothing irks me more, when I provide simple advice to a young colleague on the ways of the world. Instead of a thoughtful pause of reflection, I get a “I know it all” rebuttal.  Or the young buck gets offended because his ego can’t take criticism.  Really? Listen, I have less hair than you and what remains is grey…your job is to shut up, listen, and thank me for looking out for your sorry butt.  I took the time to notice a flaw, an imperfection, a chink in your armor that can be corrected. Then I man’d up and brought it to your attention.  At least, consider it.   But don’t dismiss it.

For the most part, the young single men I have the privilege to ride with on patrol are amazing.  I am surrounded by sensible young men with a regard to better themselves everyday.  I am part of a brotherhood.  These men I would take a bullet for.

To the single man, be strong and self controlled.  You got this!

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I'm a man(no apologies), husband, father, jerk(apologies), infidel, strongman in a storm, peace officer, and best friend that happens to be saved by God's amazing grace.

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