This will be my last chance to speak to the fathers before Christmas day rolls around. And I want to continue the theme of my article last year at Christmas. My admonition to the fathers out there last year on Christmas Day was to “Let’s lead our families and loved ones to the manger today.”

It seems that Christmas has become the domain of the “Moms” out there. They do most of the shopping and certainly most of the wrapping. Be honest guys, how many presents have you wrapped this year?

And that is all well and good. Perhaps in your family, like in mine, the wife and mother have more time to accomplish many of the tasks associated with the gifting of Christmas. Frankly, many of them enjoy it. But, probably they do not enjoy it like we think they do in the hustle and bustle of the last few days before Christmas. But they get it all done like the wonder women that they are.

So, what is the point for Fatherhood Friday on this last Friday before Christmas?

It is to remind you husbands and fathers out there of your sacred duty to lead your family to the manger on a daily basis. I know that Christmas will be over as quickly as it came upon us. But we must keep the beauty and the simplicity of the manger ever before us. And it is our jobs as the leaders in our homes to lead our families in slowing down, pausing to reflect, sharing the gift of love, and spending time around the manger where we can look into the face of the Newborn King.

Dads – Don’t send your wife and children to the manger this Sunday while you recline in front of the big screen TV and watch yet another football game. Get up, get off the couch and lead your family in some form of worship and praise of the greatest gift ever given – the Babe lying in the manger. The one came to lead us out of darkness and into eternal light.

Photo credit: John Pavelka / Foter.com / CC BY
Photo credit: Zach Bonnell / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

I was recently discussing with some colleagues the subject of leadership and the younger generation.  Now, I know that I immediately sound really old when I say “younger generation”.  But the reality of the situation is that those under the age of 30 (and even up to the age of 40) have a different view of the world because of the ubiquity of video games in their formative years.

For those of that generation who are now finding themselves as husbands, fathers, and burgeoning leaders in their jobs or at church many are finding themselves with difficulties in dealing with real life situations and the challenges of being the husband, father and leader that they have perhaps envisioned themselves becoming.  They are discovering that being a leader is a lot harder than it looks.  Being a full-time husband and father is harder than it looks.  Being responsible at work and responsive at home come with a high cost in terms of energy and emotional capital.

But these young leaders grew up playing video games.  And when the game was not turning out the way they wanted it to, or they encountered seemingly unsurmountable odds, they simply reached over to the game console and pushed the “Reset” button and instantly was granted a fresh start and new insights into the pitfalls that were just before the cause of their demise in the video game.  There were no consequences to restarting and they could begin a new and try something different this time.  They could even restart as a completely different character.

Regardless of what you think, you really are the same person at home that you are at work.  One persona may be more “masked” than the other, but you are the same person.

Why? You are one person, not two. You are ultimately the same man, both on the job with your colleagues and at home with your wife and children. You cannot live two disparate lives; you will ultimately be known as the same person in both spheres of influence. That may scare you a bit.  And I hope it is at the very least a sobering thought.

The downside of that reality is that if you are a despicable person at home, you will ultimately show yourself to be the same at work.  And the greater shame is that many men would be more embarrassed to be considered despicable at work than at home.

Men who are weak and ineffective fathers tend to try to split their lives between work and family. They try to live their lives in two separate worlds.  That is, they live as producers at work but consumers at home.  On the job they dedicate their powers to serious, responsible activity; but at home they rest passively in pleasurable recreation. In the workplace, their character strengths operate at full throttle and everyone sees and respects their sound judgment, sense of responsibility, tough-minded perseverance, and self-control. But at home, their inner strengths that are so active at work, rest on idle, set aside for use during the day, and thereby hidden from their children’s eyes.

Successful fathers do not live like this. They are smart, effective leaders at home as well as on the job. Their strengths of character impress their children as much as their colleagues at work. Their devotion to their family, in fact, gives meaning and purpose to their strenuous life of professional work. The main purpose of their work is the welfare of their family, and their children know this.

In other words, a successful father exercises leadership at home as much as on the job — and he does so in very similar ways.

What does this mean? Let’s first look at how a man typically exercises effective leadership in the workplace, and then let’s turn to see how the same attitudes and behaviors apply to leadership at home.