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Is Leadership Comforting or Comfortable

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Is Leadership Comforting or Comfortable - 1I recently had a conversation with someone about the difference in being comfortable and being comforted or something being comforting. I am sure the majority of you have heard me say more than once, that carrying a concealed weapon should be comforting, and not comfortable. But based on something I read that Rodney wrote, I have asked myself; Is leadership comfortable or comforting? And then I ask everyone else; Should we be comfortable with our leaders, and should we be comforted by them?

I am going to do my best to keep from being very theological, as I don’t feel that is my place on this web site, but I would be doing a great disservice if I didn’t lean on The Bible a little, so here it goes, first one of my favorite quotes from history:

“A government large enough to give you everything you need (or make you comfortable), is large enough to take everything you have (or take away your comfort).”
Thomas Jefferson

One of the first things I found is a verse from Isaiah where God says, “Comfort, comfort my people.” In this verse, God is suggesting that His people would be comforted, in the sense that a mother comforts her child? Because, when God whispers, “it’s gonna be alright,” to His upset child, you can take that to the bank. I was also directed to Romans 8:28 is, “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord: those who are called according to His purpose.” It is very comforting to KNOW that we can rely on the Lord.

Is Leadership Comforting or Comfortable - 2However, most of the time when we talk about comfort, we are dealing with being comfortable. This is a completely different thing. God never promised that we would be comfortable, nor do our leaders, nor should they. He did promise us peace and contentment with our circumstances, but not comfortable circumstances. I think this is the most difficult thing to understand. And I think leadership, true leadership, is the same. It’s comforting for the followers but not necessarily comfortable for the leader. Maybe this is why everyone isn’t a leader, or a Sheepdog, or a Hunter – [cue Kevin smiling and Rene commenting.]

If you take an overview of history of the people involved, you see a

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**REPOST** Accountability: Like-Minded versus Life-Minded

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**Originally posted February 11, 2013**

As humans, we have a tendency to gravitate toward like-minded individuals and passions. Our society dictates this model through political correctness, polling, media, rugged individualism, and Climate Change. (Okay…not so much Climate Change but you catch my drift.) The danger is we subscribe to it like sheep in relationships and because we are like-minded we are easily deceived and we believe that everything is okay in our little like-minded world. So we scratch our heads wondering when the wheels fell off the wagon. But why do we subscribe to it? Why do we dismiss a need for true meaningful accountability?

The first reason-It is comfortable. As you meet with friends, you will find that you look the same. You have the same likes, desires, and dislikes. You worship the same. You agree on the same political platforms. You may even like the same football teams. You may even hate the same football teams. You may even subscribe to society’s idea of success-The big house in the gated community, 3.2 kids, the latest cell phone, newest car, and financial portfolio. While there is nothing wrong with these things. The danger is when men view their affluence as a form of holiness. So we look at the cover of the book and judge everything is cool.

After all, you and your buddy didn’t vote for that guy. Things will turn out. We will just keep listening to talk radio and complain all the time. Yes. It’s a shame his wife resents him for not being employed and hanging out with you. But things will work out when the economy turns. There is comfort in being like-minded.

The second reason-It is easy. Like-mindedness can be void of challenge. The conversations are easy and shallow. They are just on the surface. The prayer requests are simple. The dirt really never hits the fan and when topics get heavy you can reel in that hook before you get too deep and get a bite. Lord forbid you actually talk about anything with real substance. You wouldn’t want to challenge your buddy’s weekly golf appointment because he appears to have it all while his family crumbles.

After all, your buddy is like you. Self-made man and any issues that arise, you can handle. You don’t need this accountability stuff. You show up to church on Sundays and give. Your kids are fine and you definitely don’t want to challenge your wife’s secret daily Starbucks habit as long as you keep your habits a secret. At least that’s what the new cute secretary tells you. You have a good job. God must be blessing you.

So we bumble through life thinking everything is okay and we maintain shallow relationships. It is dangerous.

As I continue to strive and seek accountability in my relationships, I have noticed a need for discomfort and difficulty when engaging certain groups. Tension is good. I need to be told what I need to hear not what I want to hear. I don’t need relationships where men will justify my mistakes, rationalize my failures, and encourage my proclivities. I need men in my life committed to life transformation through Christ who will tell me unapologetically that I am not the man God wants me to be. I need friends who will call me out and cry “bull” and tell me to shape-up, clean-up, and Man-Up.

In my accountability relationships, I have the license to ask the tough questions to seek answers to the dark off-limits of manhood. And I allow those tough questions to be posed towards me. Because, ultimately the goal is not just be a good man today…but to be a great man everyday for years to come. It is long process. It is a life long process.

In a recent group discussion, I challenged over thirty like-minded men that their lives depend on life-minded accountability. Let me repeat that. Your life depends on accountability. (I’m not a gambling man…but I bet there were 30 different reactions to that statement.) If you continue to maintain surface like-minded relationships you will survive but you won’t live. You will fake it at work, at church, at home and you will achieve an emptiness that our society calls success.

Conversely, if you seek life-minded relationships, you strike at the core issues of life and you will begin to live. My challenge to you. Every man needs accountability. Your life depends on it. Seek men who are life-minded and committed to life-transformation through Christ.

Today.

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Redefining Fatherhood

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Redefining Fatherhood - 2It seems like everything is being redefined these days. We are redefining marriage. We are redefining patriotism. We are redefining nearly every foundational institution of our society. And the one that is on my mind today is redefining “fatherhood”.

Fatherhood: 1. The state or responsibility of being a father. 2. The qualities of a father. 3. Fathers considered as a group.

Daddy: 1. An informal word for father. Slang – the dominant male in a group.

Those are current definitions that can be easily found in a multitude of online dictionary resources. I wonder if these definitions resonate with you today.

What words or mental images come to your mind when you hear the word “fatherhood”?

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Some Thoughts on Maturity

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RMM Logo for 20130921Leadership Voices is partnering with an organization here in the Houston area this week-end. It should be an exciting time and we are expecting a great turnout. One of the key words in the title of that event is the word “mature”. The more I “mature” in age, the more I find myself listening to folks older than me. And by folks older than me, I mean people in the silver and golden seasons of life.

Here are a few reasons why those who would be leaders should listen to older people:

Old people have lived more of life than most of us. When they stand up to speak, they have a long track record of life from which to draw. And much of that time was spent actually focused on living life rather than memorizing passwords, tweeting trivia, engaging with video games, facebooking, and texting.

Some Thoughts on Maturity - 2Please don’t tune me out at this point. I am not against those things. I have a Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and even a Pinterest account. And, as you see, I am an active blogger.

But, the difference between the young and the not so young is that much of their time was spent on doing real things–often hard things– rather than watching people pretend to do real things on television. They know more about the human experience and the struggles of the human soul than I do.

Old people are done with “ladder-climbing”. That means they can speak the truth without fear of losing a job, donors, followers, blog readers, a career track, supporters, customers, conference invitations, record deals, or a popular reputation. Old people can truly view people as…well, people, rather than consumers. They are prepared to give people what they need, rather than what they want. Having lived most of life, they have a better understanding of what people need, whereas younger people have a better understanding of what people want. That makes them incredibly valuable as mentors.

Some Thoughts on Maturity - 3Old people are more self-aware than you think. The older they get the more aware they are of their own shortcomings and the vastness of the grace of a loving and forgiving God. They aren’t all that impressed with themselves and they don’t waste much time on nonsense. They know that they probably don’t have another 50 years ahead of them and so the things of eternity are becoming clearer to them as the clutter of life is pulled away. They still believe God has a sense of humor but they somehow sense He isn’t laughing at most of the stuff we are laughing at on television and in our society. They are more serious about life, and yet often less anxious at the same time. They spend less time stressing on the pursuit of power, position, and coolness and more time resting in the pursuit of Godliness.

Is there sometimes a tendency in old age to become a grumpy old man and become resistant to change and technology? Yes, but those tendencies sometimes are more tied to personality than chronology.

So that’s why I increasingly listen to the senior guys.

  • Do you want to know what is hip or cool? Talk to a millennial.
  • Do you want to know how to make money? Talk to a boomer.
  • But if you want to be a wise leader, then listen to some faithful old guys and gals who have walked with God two or three times longer than you’ve even walked the earth.

On days like today, I miss my father-in-law who went to be with the Lord a few years ago. He was a tremendous mentor to me. However, I am very fortunate to still have my father alive and just down the road from where I live. And I have found a man at work who is older than me and who has taught me a great deal about things that I need to know to be successful in my current assignment.

What about you, young leader? Who are you looking to and listening to?

Join with me and learn from those who came before us and yet are still with us.

Photo credit: jaymiek / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA
Photo credit: Neil. Moralee / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

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How do we handle failure on the team?

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When a teammate fails - 3“Sometimes by losing a battle, you will find a new way to win the war.”
Donald Trump

In the 2004 Summer Olympics, the Australian Women’s Eight rowing team stood in fifth place, three seconds behind the leading Romanian crew team 500 meters from the finish line. When the Aussie’s were inside 400 meters one of the eight women quit rowing. She dropped her oars and lay back resting her head on the lap of the rower seated behind her. The Aussies finished dead last, 10 seconds behind the next closest finisher.

Ever feel like one of your teammates isn’t pulling their weight in your company?

When a teammate fails - 1Fortunately for most of us, this is the worst failure we will ever experience, there are times and places in my past where failure could have meant, someone on your team, lost their life. I don’t want to dwell on that type of failure, I want to discuss, parents, peers/friends, leaders, and role models. Yes I believe each of those positions in life will have to endure some sort of failure at some point or another. It will be a great test for us as leaders, not necessarily the failure, but how we come out of it, and how we work to prevent it in the future. Because believe it or not, at some point in our lives, we will all experience failure.

I have been fortunate enough in my life to have had some great leadership example, one of them told me once,

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Happy, Happy, Happy

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I recently discovered a show that many know about — Duck Dynasty.

When I first heard about the show, I thought it was a Daffy Duck cartoon.  I admit watching the show makes me “Happy, Happy, Happy”.  “Hey!” It’s good entertainment.

I grew up watching re-runs of the Andy Griffith Show, Leave it to Beaver, and I Love Lucy.  Those shows were reminders of a more innocent time. The shows were wholesome.  I miss those shows.  (Of course, with on-demand television, you can re-visit those shows anytime.)  Those shows as dated as they are now…reminded us of the basics:  Family, Faith, and dare I say Fathers.

For those of you, who don’t know.  Duck Dynasty is a “reality tv show” that follows a Louisiana family called the Robertsons.  The Robertson family are basically the Clampetts of Duck Calls.  They made a fortune creating, selling, and merchandising their Duck Commander duck calls.  The show follows the CEO, his wise father, and the antics of his Redneck Brothers and crazy Uncle SI.

The family trudges through the daily grinds of life like sibling rivalry, teaching their oldest daughter to drive, dating, homecoming dress codes, Career day at school, being arrested while frog hunting, yuppie wives and yuppie children all while dealing with their pop-culture educated crazy uncle Si.   The show is reminiscent of the innocence of Mayberry and slapstick of Lucy crushing grapes into wine with her feet in the Italian country side.

Every show ends with the family gathered around a meal (recently hunted) and a grateful prayer to the Lord above for their blessing.

Now…portions if not all of the show are staged.  No doubt the Robertson clan are shrewd business men portrayed as bumbling idiots who love to be boys.  My good friends remind me of the Robertson clan.  Allen is Will.  Ken is Jase.  Mark is Martin.  And that would make me…Si.

Today if you lament about the lack of good clean television programming.  May I suggest Duck Dynasty to you.  It will make you Happy, Happy, Happy.

 

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Being a Servant Leader – A Theme

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Servant Leader - A Theme - 3My theme for this year is simply one word: Serve.

It’s an ideal I want to pursue more than anything. Still, I have to admit – serving is also the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to get my head around. Here are just some of the reasons I’m struggling. Maybe you can identify with me:

  • Being a servant requires sacrifice
  • Being a servant requires more time with people
  • Being a servant requires me to be selfless
  • Being a servant may require me to give up my own agenda
  • Being a servant requires me to be more observant
  • Being a servant requires me to be more vulnerable
  • Being a servant requires me to listen more carefully
  • Being a servant requires me to know people beyond a surface relationship

Servant Leader - A Theme - 1Traditional leadership styles can avoid almost everything on the list. Managers can sit in their office and simply order people to do what they think needs to be done. I don’t want to

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Our Daughter Needs Us to Guide as We Walk a Fine Line – Week 10

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Needs - Week 10 - 3Our sons and our daughters both need us. But, I must confess that, right or wrong, usually our hearts are a little more tender when it comes to our daughters. Nevertheless, if our kids are given the opportunity, sometimes they will lose their minds.

Part of our coaching role is to bring them back to reality. Our daughters need us to guide them. And she also needs you to walk a very fine line sometimes. Your guidance should be more than simply setting a fine example, but it should not be an endless stream of lectures and diatribes.  So what do we do?  How do we guide?

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Christ and His “Team” – Part 1

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Christ and His Team - Part 1 - 1Christ selected 12 men from among his early followers to become his closest confidants and, dare we say, His friends. After an intensive discipleship course (Basic Training) and following his resurrection from the dead, the Lord fully commissioned the apostles to advance God’s Kingdom and carry the Gospel message to the world.

These men became the pioneering leaders of the New Testament Church. But they were not without faults and shortcomings. Interestingly, not one of the chosen 12 disciples was a scholar or rabbi. They had no extraordinary skills. Neither religious, nor secular, nor skilled, they were ordinary people, just like you and me.

Let’s take a few paragraphs and look at their personalities and discuss where they fit on the “Team”, and what their role was on that team.

Theological lessons tell us that Peter was maybe the favorite. So was he the 1st Lieutenant?

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Rewards and Punishments

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Rewards and Punishments - 1A leader should be slow to punish and swift to reward.
Ovid.

This quote strikes a chord with me, because as I look forward to my eldest daughter’s Jr. High years and her becoming a pre-teen, I struggle with how to punish and reward her. Fortunately for me a stern word and a harsh look has typically been all the punishment she has ever needed. However she no longer responds to “Will you do that for a Popsicle?” I honestly have never been one for corporal punishment, not that my kids didn’t ever deserve it, but because I am considerable larger than them, and was a little scared I could hurt them. Lucky for me, my tone of voice has always instilled a little fear in them and it has worked…..until recently.

It seems as though my daughters have realized I am all talk, and that they have me wrapped around their fingers. So as I struggle with how to reward and punish them, I thought I would try to get ideas from others on lessons learned from rewards and punishments.

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