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Rene Rivera

I'm a man(no apologies), husband, father, jerk(apologies), infidel, strongman in a storm, peace officer, and best friend that happens to be saved by God's amazing grace.

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**REPOST** Accountability: Like-Minded versus Life-Minded

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**Originally posted February 11, 2013**

As humans, we have a tendency to gravitate toward like-minded individuals and passions. Our society dictates this model through political correctness, polling, media, rugged individualism, and Climate Change. (Okay…not so much Climate Change but you catch my drift.) The danger is we subscribe to it like sheep in relationships and because we are like-minded we are easily deceived and we believe that everything is okay in our little like-minded world. So we scratch our heads wondering when the wheels fell off the wagon. But why do we subscribe to it? Why do we dismiss a need for true meaningful accountability?

The first reason-It is comfortable. As you meet with friends, you will find that you look the same. You have the same likes, desires, and dislikes. You worship the same. You agree on the same political platforms. You may even like the same football teams. You may even hate the same football teams. You may even subscribe to society’s idea of success-The big house in the gated community, 3.2 kids, the latest cell phone, newest car, and financial portfolio. While there is nothing wrong with these things. The danger is when men view their affluence as a form of holiness. So we look at the cover of the book and judge everything is cool.

After all, you and your buddy didn’t vote for that guy. Things will turn out. We will just keep listening to talk radio and complain all the time. Yes. It’s a shame his wife resents him for not being employed and hanging out with you. But things will work out when the economy turns. There is comfort in being like-minded.

The second reason-It is easy. Like-mindedness can be void of challenge. The conversations are easy and shallow. They are just on the surface. The prayer requests are simple. The dirt really never hits the fan and when topics get heavy you can reel in that hook before you get too deep and get a bite. Lord forbid you actually talk about anything with real substance. You wouldn’t want to challenge your buddy’s weekly golf appointment because he appears to have it all while his family crumbles.

After all, your buddy is like you. Self-made man and any issues that arise, you can handle. You don’t need this accountability stuff. You show up to church on Sundays and give. Your kids are fine and you definitely don’t want to challenge your wife’s secret daily Starbucks habit as long as you keep your habits a secret. At least that’s what the new cute secretary tells you. You have a good job. God must be blessing you.

So we bumble through life thinking everything is okay and we maintain shallow relationships. It is dangerous.

As I continue to strive and seek accountability in my relationships, I have noticed a need for discomfort and difficulty when engaging certain groups. Tension is good. I need to be told what I need to hear not what I want to hear. I don’t need relationships where men will justify my mistakes, rationalize my failures, and encourage my proclivities. I need men in my life committed to life transformation through Christ who will tell me unapologetically that I am not the man God wants me to be. I need friends who will call me out and cry “bull” and tell me to shape-up, clean-up, and Man-Up.

In my accountability relationships, I have the license to ask the tough questions to seek answers to the dark off-limits of manhood. And I allow those tough questions to be posed towards me. Because, ultimately the goal is not just be a good man today…but to be a great man everyday for years to come. It is long process. It is a life long process.

In a recent group discussion, I challenged over thirty like-minded men that their lives depend on life-minded accountability. Let me repeat that. Your life depends on accountability. (I’m not a gambling man…but I bet there were 30 different reactions to that statement.) If you continue to maintain surface like-minded relationships you will survive but you won’t live. You will fake it at work, at church, at home and you will achieve an emptiness that our society calls success.

Conversely, if you seek life-minded relationships, you strike at the core issues of life and you will begin to live. My challenge to you. Every man needs accountability. Your life depends on it. Seek men who are life-minded and committed to life-transformation through Christ.

Today.

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Happy, Happy, Happy

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I recently discovered a show that many know about — Duck Dynasty.

When I first heard about the show, I thought it was a Daffy Duck cartoon.  I admit watching the show makes me “Happy, Happy, Happy”.  “Hey!” It’s good entertainment.

I grew up watching re-runs of the Andy Griffith Show, Leave it to Beaver, and I Love Lucy.  Those shows were reminders of a more innocent time. The shows were wholesome.  I miss those shows.  (Of course, with on-demand television, you can re-visit those shows anytime.)  Those shows as dated as they are now…reminded us of the basics:  Family, Faith, and dare I say Fathers.

For those of you, who don’t know.  Duck Dynasty is a “reality tv show” that follows a Louisiana family called the Robertsons.  The Robertson family are basically the Clampetts of Duck Calls.  They made a fortune creating, selling, and merchandising their Duck Commander duck calls.  The show follows the CEO, his wise father, and the antics of his Redneck Brothers and crazy Uncle SI.

The family trudges through the daily grinds of life like sibling rivalry, teaching their oldest daughter to drive, dating, homecoming dress codes, Career day at school, being arrested while frog hunting, yuppie wives and yuppie children all while dealing with their pop-culture educated crazy uncle Si.   The show is reminiscent of the innocence of Mayberry and slapstick of Lucy crushing grapes into wine with her feet in the Italian country side.

Every show ends with the family gathered around a meal (recently hunted) and a grateful prayer to the Lord above for their blessing.

Now…portions if not all of the show are staged.  No doubt the Robertson clan are shrewd business men portrayed as bumbling idiots who love to be boys.  My good friends remind me of the Robertson clan.  Allen is Will.  Ken is Jase.  Mark is Martin.  And that would make me…Si.

Today if you lament about the lack of good clean television programming.  May I suggest Duck Dynasty to you.  It will make you Happy, Happy, Happy.

 

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Manday Quote: Insecure Leadership

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My Senior Pastor Gregg Matte made many penetrating statements in a recent sermon that caught my attention.  But there is always that one  “SQUIRREL” moment when my pastor mentions leadership in his message.

“Insecure leaders make people-pleasing their priority instead of leading.”

Pastor Gregg was providing a breakdown of all the Herods listed in the Bible from Jesus’ birth to the preaching of Paul.  Our Pastor noted that one of the Herods became so enamored with the positive response of the Jews after he beheaded James, the brother of John.  He was so encouraged by the response, Herod decided to arrest Peter in an attempt to please the Jewish masses.  Herod became a people-pleaser.

The Senior Pastor then went on to confess that he has chosen the path of people-pleasing  and will probably do that in the future.  Now…he wasn’t comparing himself to Herod.  But as a leader, Pastor Gregg was admitting that it is human nature to accept insecurity and grasp at anything to please critics and followers instead of making the hard decisions and leading.

I have done it.  It is the path of least resistance.  I forfeited the opportunity to lead for the accolades and “likes” of men.

Men can have this tendency to choose the people-pleasing route instead of leading.

 

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Manday: Hemingway Quote

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Our own Billy wrote an amazing article based on Col Grossman’s evaluation of the three types of people. Billy’s Sheepdog article is one of the most popular articles at Leadership Voices.  I am a Police Officer.  I consider myself a Sheepdog. I hunt things that go bump in the night.  While you sleep, we, sheepdogs, own the night.

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter. -Ernest Hemingway

Recently, I ran across the Hemingway quote emblazoned on the back of a t-shirt designed for Law Enforcement personnel.   The shirt is produced by Certified Wolf Hunter.  I thought I would share it with the leadership blogoshpere.

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Billy and I had a discussion about this…with our leader Kevin stirring it up.

So are you a Sheepdog…or a Wolf Hunter?

 

 

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Best Laid Plans . . .

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Well…the week didn’t go so smooth.

Our Leader and Founder of Leadership Voices ventured away on vacation. He delegated authority while he was gone. He kindly asked me, his Number One, to keep an eye on things while he was away. As good leadership should do, he advised me that there were numerous hacking attempts on our site through our hosting provider. This was common but I believe it may have gotten more severe since I posted a rant on Anthony Weiner.

Sure enough, despite my best efforts I was unable to login to post my or any article much less assist anyone. I was locked out. And as a subordinate, I had no administrative access to the website. So I just let things ride…hoping no sordid ads or comments would post on Women’s Wednesday or Team Tuesday or Fatherhood Friday.

That is where the dilemma arose. Should I notify our leader or let him enjoy his vacation?

As a leader would you want to know if things were going awry or would you want to know once you returned?

Now I know our leader will weigh in on this…but I would like to know your thoughts.

Lastly, the world didn’t come to an end. No lives were lost because we didn’t post on our regular days. No animals were harmed because I felt the need to kick a dog in frustration. The blogosphere didn’t collapse. Life went on.

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Rant-The Weiner Warning

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Anthony Weiner. His name says it all. Let me be very clear. Anthony is not a man. And he is a poor excuse for a leader. How he got elected much less married puzzles me? But men (and women) can be deceptive and present themselves better than they really are.

Anthony Weiner is a brat. He is a digital flasher. If the internet didn’t exist, he would be wearing a raincoat in a public place opening it up to any unsuspecting victim.  He is a decadent pervert. This poor excuse of a man is so intoxicated with himself and so proud of his genitals he must present them in digital format to women who are not his wife. Was that too harsh? Well maybe we as men and leaders need to call deviant behavior what it is: shameful, decadent, and dangerous.

We use soft words to describe pretty sordid behavior because it’s socially acceptable and palatable on the tongue. We call what he did sexting.  And it is socially acceptable.

For example, if I say

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Manday-Continuing Proverbs 31 Verse 2

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Cartoon: Watterson, Bill. “Calvin and Hobbes.” Comic Strip. facebook.com/dailycalvinhobbes 12 July 2013.

How many of you had parents?  Silly question…but I thought I would start off with that little ice breaker.

A couple of weeks ago while teaching on Proverbs, I asked the question-If you were to pass away today, what nugget of wisdom would you want your child to have learned from you?

The mother of King Lemuel asked the same question as she gave advise to her son, the King.  The second verse of the much forgotten first nine verses of Proverbs 31 reads:

What [should I say], my son?     What, son of my womb?     What, son of my vows?

Like every parent, the King’s mother speaks/writes like one concerned with what to tell him…with what to share with him.  I can feel the anguish of having to choose words carefully.  And the prose is filled with concern.

I have two years before my oldest leaves our home and embarks on his own life.  The next two years “concern” me.  I am choosing my words carefully when I instruct and correct him.  I remember presenting him to the church body when he was months old.  I vowed to raise him to love God with all his heart, soul, and mind.  I remember my vow daily.  I promised to teach my oldest to live his life for God.  Remember the name Lemuel meant “for God”.  Devoted to God.  I learned from commentaries that Solomon was also called Jedidah meaning “of the Lord”.  So what vow are we talking about?  What devotion?  The commandment from Deuteronomy 6:4-7.

4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

Parents teach your children what is good.  No matter their station in life, everyone needs instruction.  Kings the most.  Men the most…husbands the most…fathers the most.  Because children may recall all the good and bad teaching.

I remember thinking “Oh great…one day my kid is going to show up on Oprah and point at me and blame me for all his issues.”  Probably.

I lean toward Matt Chandler’s assessment.

“We’re just gathering all the spiritual kindling we possibly can around our kids and begging God to ignite their souls for Him”.

Phew.  Amen.

 

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Proverbs 31-Mom was Right!

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I recently had the privilege of leading a discussion to a group of men on Proverbs 31. No, we didn’t discuss the attributes of an unattainable, unrealistic woman but we discussed the first nine verses.
The first nine verses of Proverbs 31 are overlooked. These verses as the whole chapter are directed toward a King, uh…that would be translated a man.

The first nine verses are listed as the Sayings of King Lemuel…advise from his mother.

Let’s avoid the theological hand wringing and try not to figure out who King Lemeul was in history at this moment. I have done the commentary research and I just don’t want to bore you. He is a leader, a man, a son, and someone with authority. Someone like you and me. His mother’s advise is candid and simple.

King Lemuel’s mother addresses two items-
1. IMPURITY
2. DRUNKENESS

She warns that these two things will be her son’s ruin.

The verses are clear and the advice is stern.

Don’t spend your energy on women
or your efforts on those who destroy kings.

Leaders are not to waste their efforts and energy on women. The commentators go as far as to translate the verses as strange, gold-digging or loose women. As leaders we should be focused and not easily distracted by opportunistic women. In history, we have seen men fall because of their proclivities toward the opposite sex.

Now the next subject got the men’s group all up in a tizzy.  Drunkeness.

It is not for kings, Lemuel,
it is not for kings to drink wine
or for rulers [to desire] beer.
Otherwise, they will drink,
forget what is decreed,
and pervert justice for all the oppressed.

Leaders are not to be drunk, period, ever. As leaders you are to be focused lest we impede our judgement and not protect the needy and helpless.

For it is a King’s(man’s) role to defend the meek, poor and helpless and speak truth.
How can you do these things if you have a history of skirt chasing and being liquored up all the time? You debase your leadership and your walk.

Can you recall this morning…things your Mother would always say to you as you grew up.  Can you recite some of them today?