Misleading Leadership

When Leaders Make Mistakes - 1

A lady I know works for a major corporation in their acquisition department. Her manager recently retired and the supposed replacement brings the team in for a meeting. In that meeting it is discussed whether he will or will not seek to be the new replacement manager. The answer rendered here was a “NO”.

Upon her return home and while going through her e-mail, she receives one that states the manager who had just told her he was not going to seek the position had in fact just been awarded the position. Ok, most of you are like me. You will put out your best efforts for someone you trust. Trust from a manager is not something that comes “with the territory”, but is something that is essential not only to the success of the company but the manager as well. The real truth is…Speak a lie once and all your truth becomes questionable.

Leadership and Integrity - 1Trust on all levels whether in a relationship or workplace setting, when violated sets the stage for many hard days at work or home, to say the least. The worst feeling in the world is to know you were used and lied to by someone you trusted. How in the world can anyone think that starting off a relationship with a lie is in the best interest of anyone?

Let’s talk “man to man” here for just a bit. What hurts the most…is a lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear! Hurting people with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.

Misleading Leadership - 1Think about your family for a moment. How would you look in their eyes if all you did was lie to them? Let’s put things in the proper perspective. Misleading someone is NOT a lie when what you are passing along is accurate to the best of your understanding, only to discover that those who based their actions on your statements were mislead by your statements once you determined that they were not accurate. Lying to someone is an intentional act of deception!

Traveling the way of the world will only lead to destruction. The first person you have to lie to is yourself. From there it is the life of a “poser”. You will always need to convince self that you are something you’re not.

Who do we think we are fooling?

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Financial Leadership at Home – A Will & Insurance

TestamentIn this series, we’ve now talked at length about leadership that must be exercised in the home in regards to the family’s finances. We’ve indicated that the basis for all financial activities and decisions is a family Budget. Saving and Investing must be part of that budget to meet unforeseen expenses and things the family cannot currently afford without taking on debt. Another important step for many is to establish an intentional and teachable pattern of Giving to meets needs of others outside of the family. None of these things is automatic or easy. They require time, effort, and communication. But to fail to do so is to fail to lead the family. In my final post in this series, I want to talk about planning for the worst.

Financial Leadership at Home - 5 -2My 17-year old son came home from work the day after Thanksgiving with quite a story. He works as a cashier for a large grocery chain, and part way through his shift, all of the computers went down…those that control the music (important during the holidays), but more importantly those that control the registers. Certainly the store had a backup plan for when something like that happens, right? Wrong! The store manager reluctantly locked the front doors, preventing anyone else from coming in. Those that were already shopping were allowed to check out through a single line, where the prices of each item were estimated based on the manager’s memory and adjusted if the customer thought his guess was inaccurate. The store, of course, could only take cash since the credit card machines were down, and that had to be rounded to the nearest dollar since the computers controlled the automatic change machines. What a mess! You’d think they would have at least had all of the prices kept on a laptop with a portable bar code scanner. But the store manager stated that he had never seen this happen in 14 years, and he obviously assumed it would never happen.

So what does your family do when the unthinkable happens?

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A Leader’s Role in Their Team’s Performance

A Leader's Role in Their Team's Success - 1It may be obvious to most people that a leader’s performance is directly proportionate to their teams success or lack thereof. But it occurs to me that there are teams that have succeeded in spite of their leader and surely there are teams that have failed even with quality leadership. So I set out to discover if there are any connections or similarities that we could find, to determine just how much of a team’s success or failure is because of the leader.

It occurs to me that a leaders specific role may change slightly depending on the team or the goal of the team, but surely there are things a leader does or doesn’t do that helps or hurts a team. These are some of the things I found:

Aggressor: I think this happens when a team leader is directly compensated for his team’s performance. He or she has the ability to block the introduction of new ideas and concepts by minimizing and deflating the status of other team members and creating a sense of intimidation. If this behavior and role is not checked it will tend to decrease the team’s overall motivation and subsequent member involvement.

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Kindness as a Tool

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I was recently invited to speak at my sons’ school about one of the gifts of the Spirit-Kindness.

At first, I laughed when the President of the school asked that I come and provide some insight into my job as a Police Officer and how I use kindness in my work. (Do you know who I am?  You’ve heard my sharp tongue and lack of tact.  Are you sure?) His thought was that I would use kindness as a fruit of the Spirit in my profession.  In reality, I use kindness as a tool to control ‘tools’.  It is something that doesn’t naturally flow from me.  Believe me…ask anybody who has spent ten minutes with me.  I am mean and can be a tough pill to swallow.

In a recent article, Slate.com attempted to explain why Police Officers can be so arrogant and, candidly, insufferable jerks. We think differently because we deal with folks that can’t manage their surroundings and we have to intervene. We have zero tolerance for stupidity. In those moments, kindness is not going to be the first tool we are going pull from our belt.

It is God’s virtuous gift to be able to respond to the special needs of others who are hurting or in need.  In a world full of anger, selfishness, and contention, the Lord wants us to cultivate the fruit of kindness in our lives.  Let the Lord use you to show kindness to others.  –The Resurgence

As leaders, I believe we need to exercise kindness when dealing with others.  It can help us achieve more than busting someone’s chops.  Believe me I have my moments.  I recently told a mother who left her six-month old daughter and three-year son in a car alone while she went shopping that that she was being ignorant and stupid.  This was after she told me un-repentantly that she knew it was wrong to leave her children locked in a car unattended.

The best example of kindness I can think of was my recent Sergeant.  This man refers to ‘tools’, gang members, teenagers as sir and ma’am.  His tactic to be always respectful of everyone, colors, and personal space allows him to understand the intricate Gang lifestyle in Houston.  With his kindness, he was able to build a huge gang database for Police Officers to better understand the factions on the street.  And ultimately, he may have save some officers lives.  His contagious spirit emboldens other officers to be kinder and more respectful of the civilian population.  His leadership is infectious to those under his supervision.  It challenged us to slow our roll and try a different approach.  He uses the tool of kindness with a deftness that comes from years of experience on the street.  In other words, why fight when you can settle things with words.

During my talk to the students, I shared a simple story of how one aggressive officer was rude and inconsiderate to a woman who had witnessed a car chase come to an abrupt end.  What we didn’t know was that the woman just wanted to know if the person in the car was uninjured.  I only learned this because in moment of kindness I pursued her and asked her how I could help her despite my aggressive counterpart.  After a few choice words directed toward me and the aggressive officer, she stated she was told her son was involved in the car chase and all she wanted to know is if he was alive and uninjured.  I was able to share with her good news and I apologized to her for not being considerate of her needs.

It was at this moment, I was reminded that-It is God’s virtuous gift to be able to respond to the special needs of others who are hurting or in need.

As leaders, God may be wanting us to join Him in responding to special needs to those that are hurting.

Financial Leadership at Home – Part 4 – Giving

Woman Balancing Her CheckbookAs I continue to discuss the importance of providing financial leadership in the home, I want to point out that I am not approaching this as exclusively, or even primarily, the husband’s or father’s role. In some cases, the role of administering the family’s finances falls to the husband and in others to the wife. Some couples choose to perform the tasks jointly or interchangeably. In still others, one handles the bill paying and bookkeeping chores while the other makes more strategic decisions. This structure is often based on skills, interests, or availability, and I don’t believe that any one is necessarily better or more effective than the others. That said, both spouses must ultimately be in agreement on the choices that are made…especially in regards to the family budget (please see my earlier post regarding the importance of a Budget).

An important area where there must be thought and agreement is in Giving. Will any of the family’s income or other financial resources be used to meet the needs of others, outside of the family? It may be as straightforward as traditional tithing to one’s church or as spur of the moment as helping buy groceries for the person ahead of you in line at the supermarket who is short of cash to cover what they have in their cart. It might be contributing to the United Way at the office or directly to charities such as the Red Cross for earthquake or hurricane relief. Giving is a very personal thing. What seems a very worthy or important cause to one may seem silly or naïve to another. But the point is to share one’s resources with others in need.

Financial Leadership at Home - 4 -1

Assuming a family decides that it does have an obligation or at least a desire to help provide for others, the giving must obviously be built in to the family’s budget. As we discussed in a previous post, this does two things.

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Wit & Wisdom – Gandhi and Yeltsin

W&W - Gandhi and Yeltsin - 1I have always been fascinated by Ghandi.  In fact, one of the most popular articles published on LeadershipVoices is an article about Gandhi and his leadership style.  And today I came across this quote.

“I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people.”
Mohatma Gandhi

I have been doing a lot of research lately on the subject of Emotional Intelligence.  One of the factors in determining your level (identified as your “EQ”) is to measure the way that you get along with others.  The practitioners in this field of study generally recognize 4 areas with one of them being Relationship Management.  This area of study is rich with insights into the way we view ourselves and the way we view others.  And more importantly, how we relate to others.

Gandhi lived long before this area of study came about.  But I would submit to you that Gandhi must have had a very high EQ.  His leadership style and his personal and public life proclaims his understanding that leadership involves using our relationships and influence more than our physical presence as an advantage.

W&W - Gandhi and Yeltsin - 2Boris Yeltsin may have been expressing much the same understanding when he once said:

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Skill Sets for the “Youngers”

Mentoring Moment for 20140210 - 1In a previous Mentoring Moment, I suggested that Mentors and Leaders need to help make sure our young people have the right skill sets to be attractive new hires. I let open exactly what those skill sets might be. Well, a friend recently sent me a newsletter that makes it clear what our employers are looking for in their new hires. Here are the top ten qualities employers feel will help them gain a competitive edge with the right employees.

Washington – With the economy and job market continuing to slowly improve, more employers are shifting their focus from survival mode to gaining a competitive advantage.

Mentoring Moment for 20140210 - 2“Employers want workers who can help them capitalize on the improved economy and benefit from opportunities presented by less competitively skilled and structured companies. They are looking for workers with skills to help them to quickly grow their businesses, cut their costs and improve their operations,” said Dr. David Miles.

“The lower unemployment rate and improved economy represent good and bad news for job-seekers. While there are generally more jobs available, there is even more competition for them. This is putting added pressure on employees to possess ‘must-have’ skills,” added Miles.

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Financial Leadership at Home – Part 3 – Saving and Investing

Financial Leadership at Home - 3 - 1As we continue to look at a leader’s responsibility to take a proactive and intentional approach to managing their family’s finances, I want to state that I do not intend in this series to focus on the critical importance of eliminating financial debt. The crushing impact of adding the cost of servicing debt (i.e., interest) to the family budget has been well documented by many authors, counselors and commentators…most notably, Dave Ramsey. And actively and aggressively working to reduce and eliminate debt will have an even larger impact on the monthly budget in the short term. But it must be done. My assumption in this series of articles is that any necessary debt elimination is built into the family’s budget.

Another critical category of the family budget is Saving and Investing. When it comes to budgeting, most of a family’s monthly expenses are known and somewhat predictable. The rent or house payment are constant each month. Purchases of food and clothing can be controlled in most cases to remain within a preset spending limit. Although the electric bill can fluctuate greatly during different times of year, prior year usage can be a good predictor of what to expect in the future, so it also is predictable. However, car repairs, medical expenses for illness or injury, or a water heater that goes out (as mine recently did) are much harder to accurately predict. So the first type of Savings that must be built into the household budget is for emergencies and unpredicted expenses. Call it, as Dave Ramsey does, an emergency fund, or just call it good old boy scout advice to “be prepared”. Regardless, if you’re buying things you want but don’t need and not saving for unforeseen expenses, you are not managing your resources well.

Financial Leadership at Home - 3 - 3The second type of saving is

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Emotional Intelligence 2.0

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 - 1I have not always been a “reader”. Most of my reading over the years has been to my children and grandchildren.  It is only in the last several years that I acquired the taste for books. And my tastes in reading material vary widely. But recently, I had a book suggested to me by fellow leadership coach, Rodney Mills of Centrifuge Leadership. He recommended the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. I am using this book currently with one of my leadership coaching clients and I think it is worthy of sharing with the broader Leadership Voices audience.

The book has a foreword by Patrick Lencioni. Many of you will recognize him as the author of Five Dysfunctions of a Team and Death by Meeting. If you are into great titles, those are a couple of great ones. As Lencioni proclaims in the foreword, he’s no expert in this field, but he sees everyday how critical a skill it is to have and he’s so enthusiastic about this book because it’s the first he’s read that actually shows you how to increase your EQ and apply it in your personal and professional life.

The opening chapter deals with Emotional Intelligence (EI) and your Emotional Quotient (EQ) and compares and contrasts it to the more well-known “IQ”. The chapter describes what EQ is and what it isn’t. For example, a lot of people mistakenly think that EQ is a part of your personality. To the contrary EQ is separate from your personality, just as it is separate from your intellect, or IQ. It begins to build your understanding of emotions by showing what the five core emotions look like in varying degrees of intensity. Next the team of Bradberry and Greaves explain research studies that illustrate how important EQ is in daily living. They show how your EQ impacts things like your tolerance for change, how you manage stress, and even how much money you make.

What Emotional Intelligence Looks Like: Understanding the Four Skills

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 - 3The book introduces and explains Daniel Goleman’s four EQ skills: Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, and Relationship Management. Beyond a conceptual description of the skills, the book provides detailed vignettes show examples of real people who are high or low in each of the skills.

To truly improve your ability in the four emotional intelligence skills, you need to better understand each skill and what it looks like in action.

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Repairing the Damage of a Past Leader

Repairing the Damage of a Past Leader - 1In my circle of friends and peers, there is a lot of discussion about who the Republican Party will get to challenge for President in the next election. The conversation is almost always who is strong enough and conservative enough to try and undo all of the damage that has been done. I don’t claim to know enough about politics to have a good argument, so I want to bring this a little closer to home.

Repairing the Damage of a Past Leader - 2Some of you know and some of you don’t know, that I am a senior part of a competitive BBQ cook off team, and we are in the midst of our busiest season. We are coming off a fall and winter of several small cook offs and preparing for our biggest of the year. The Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo BBQ Cook-off is a big deal for us. I have been a large part of this Team since my father died in 1999. Being a salesman, I have used it as employee appreciation and a customer appreciation opportunity on more than one occasion. This year the leadership of this team has begun to take it a little more serious than I think they should.

The two guys that are really “in charge” of this team, are not strong leaders, and are causing some strife among the, what I will call part time members of our team. The budget has gotten tight as we have lost a sponsor for Thursday night, and instead of closing ranks, shrinking expenses and “chiving on” the stress has run some friends off. The leaders are saying, “no free entry for friends”, “only a couple of spare entries per member” and we are raising prices. So as I deal with some folk who are saying, “This isn’t fun anymore” it occurs to me that this must have happened in the Leadership arena before.

Repairing the Damage of a Past Leader - 3So I ask you, how does a new leader repair the damage caused by a past leader? How do you go about undoing something that was done, maybe incorrectly, by a previous leader, without causing them any embarrassment? Especially when there is a chance, the former leader is still involved? Surely there has been a new CEO take over only to have his predecessor become a board member or consultant.

I have exercised my leadership to the extent I can, but I don’t own the large pit we use, and the spaces are not in my name. Other than ask for forgiveness not permission, I am struggling to maintain the fun, which is why people come hang out with us. I am afraid if I just put my head down and try to solve the problems as they arise, I will end up by myself. Do I assert myself, and take a chance on hurting my relationship with these guys that were my father’s best friends? Do I get some of the other members together and form a mutiny? Or a hostile takeover? Surely there is a way to obtain new leadership without causing an implosion.

I am looking for your thoughts and feedback on this leadership question.  Let’s use the collective wisdom of the 1,000 folks who are reading what we are publishing.  Be courageous and leave a comment.

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