Manday: Husbands, Date Your Wives

holdinghandsLet’s keep this simple.  In our busy world, we can get trapped with rushing children to this event and then to the next.  It can be exhausting.  It can be costly and it can consume a once healthy marriage.  You can easily find yourself living for the kids.

One technique we like to utilize in our house is the word, No.  Say no to extra things in the schedule.  As leader of the house, men, we need to help prioritize the schedule.  I would like to share the following advise I received as a young married husband to you.  I don’t know if this is in some Gary Smalley book or Marriage enrichment book…I don’t have time to read that drivel.  All I know is that what I’m about to share with you works.

Ready?  Here it is:

Dialogue daily.  Date Weekly.  Depart Monthly.

Dialogue daily.  Men initiate a daily conversation with your spouse.  Call her if you’re running late.  Text her.  Message her.  Just talk to her.  Don’t lose the original dialogue you had when you pursued her.

Date weekly.  Court your wife.  Find a sitter and take her out.  Make excuses to get alone with your spouse.  Go to a movie.  Dinner.  Most likely your spouse is a sure thing.  But plan a night out.  You do all the planning.  It can be as easy as a quick jaunt to Starbucks.  Just do it.   Go back to those days when you were dating and as soon as you left her presence…you couldn’t wait to see her again.  Also, double date.  Encourage another couple to join you.  There are some strained marriages needing a breather as well.

Depart Monthly.  Get out of Dodge once a month.  Not a huge vacation.  Make a day trip to Llano for barbecue as a day trip.  Go to Galveston.  Just get away for awhile.

The benefits are amazing.  Your offspring see the most healthy relationship between the two of you.  Boys and Girls see a Father in love with their Mother.  It’s good stuff.  Once again…have fun with it.  Say no to Baseball practice or Scout Meeting, or ballet….and yes to dinner with the Spouse.

And by the way…spare me the comments on Gary Smalley.  It is a preference.  Get off this blog and talk to your spouse.

RANTINGS-Put a value on Your Time

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Time is money. Time is the most precious commodity. We hear that all the time and yet we so willingly give it up.  As a leader, I want to advise you to put a value on your time and teach others to value your time as well.

How? Be unavailable.

As a sales rep, I had to manage my time and clients shrewdly. My goal was to be easily accessible but not always available. I had responsibilities with other clients and I needed to allow myself time to be accessible for them. So I made some hard rules about the way I spent my time during the week.

Meetings
I remember wanting to eat my handgun because of all the worthless internal conference calls/meetings I had to endure. That isn’t going to change. So resign yourself to at least one day a week where you have to adhere to someone else’s timetable. The day of the week for me was every Monday. I gave up my Mondays to administrative work and being handcuffed to the desk or conference line.

I made some hard rules. I would

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Hemingway Quote for Manday

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Men,

I would share it this way…

…aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.  

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

 

Accountability: A New Methodology

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Two weeks ago, I mentioned the importance of having someone’s back when it came to accountability.  I wanted to propose a new methodology when thinking of men’s small groups of accountability.

What if a group of three to six men were committed to come together regularly to pursue life transformation through prayer, Bible Study, transparent connection, and life-minded accountability?  Could lives be changed?  How about current and future marriages?  Could family trees be forever changed?  Could Fathers become daddies? Could leaders be transformed?

Duh, yes.

What if we called this methodology something like GM6?  GM6 equals Got My Six.  But who cares about the name.  We just didn’t want to call it Men’s Macrame Class.  We could call it Fight Club for all I care.  (In reality, you are fighting for your lives and families.)

So let’s complicate this thing for the sake of conversation and because we are men.   GM6 could be applied to whatever curriculum, content, or life-event chosen.  It is specific in that all its parts must be present to be GM6 but not all present at the same time.  It is a process to

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Accountability: I Got Your Back, Bro!

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I have had the amazing opportunity to hang out with Operators. Those amazing men who have gone to sandy places, slept in foxholes, and returned to tell amazing stories of battle.  Every chance they get they share stories of camaraderie and close calls.

In those stories, I would hear a recurring theme. Trust. How each operator had each other’s back. They were constantly checking each others “six”.   SIX-An old aviation term to look behind you (“your 6 o’clock” referring to the relative location of a threat with 12 o’clock being directly in front of you).

In my current profession, I have to constantly keep looking over my shoulder.  Fortunately, when I’m in the field, I have a partner that helps me and has my six.  And in return, I cover my partner.

In our daily lives, as we bumble through life, it is good to surround yourself with trustworthy men that will have your back.  Men you can trust to guard you from the many pitfalls of life and help you get to your next objective.

As you strive to be a leader to your family, friends, and co-workers yield yourself to the cover of others and in return cover their six.

In the weeks to come, I want to propose/share a new way of retooling men’s small groups with you.  Not a curriculum, not a program, but a methodology.  (GREAT!  A new men’s small group technique. HOLD ON, Mr. Skeptical.)    A methodology to achieve life transformation…to be a better man/leader than you were yesterday.

Don’t worry.  It may hurt a little.  But the rewards are awesome.  And I got your back, Bro!

 

Accountability: Two Men on a Roof

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Don Munton is the Singles Minister at Houston’s First Baptist Church. He is a mentor-pastor-friend of mine. Don shares an amazing story with the young single men under his leadership about accountability. He would always preface the story by telling them that a man alone is a man in the danger zone. (Insert images of Maverick and Goose slicing through the skies in an F14.)
Don would tell the story of two men on a roof from two opposite sides of the Bible. In 2 Samuel, we are told the first man was a king. He should have been taking care of kingly duties, like waging a war from the front lines, but instead he was on his roof overlooking his kingdom. Lo and behold, he spots a beautiful woman bathing on her rooftop and he can’t control himself. (In today’s terms, he was browsing the web and stumbled onto a site he could not resist.) He orders the woman to his bed and takes her. (He takes an ad out on Craig’s List and she responds.) Because of this man’s lack of accountability and pride, a husband is murdered, a child dies, a scandal ensues, and a kingdom is almost forfeit.

Fast forward to Mark Chapter 2, we see a paralyzed man being carried by four men to Jesus to be healed. Unfortunately, the crowds around Jesus don’t allow the men to get to the front door. So they carry their paralyzed friend to the roof of the house and begin tearing open the roof to lower their friend to Jesus. (Imagine being in the house and bits and pieces of the ceiling begin falling on you and then a man is lowered on a cot down towards your honored guest.  You look up and think-Someone is paying for that.) Jesus heals the man. Now that man could not have gotten to Jesus without the help of his four friends. He could not have gotten on the roof without their aid.

Now look at the two men. One man was alone…a king…an island onto himself…somewhere he should not have been. And he failed. A momentary lapse in judgment. Where was his support group? Where were the men that would tell him that he needed to be at war and not at home alone on a rooftop?

The paralyzed man is helpless. He was not alone. No delusions of self-sufficiency. The man couldn’t care for himself without the help of others. He gets healed. But let’s look at the faith of his friends. The four men had to carry their buddy through the crowd. They probably had to carry him several blocks out of the way to get to Jesus, climb to a roof, traverse several rooftops, and then tear away a roof knowing Jesus would heal their friend. At any point, the crippled man may have said: “Stop! It’s too much trouble. I’m fine.” I have carried a grown man on a cot over three miles. It is not an easy task.  But the men persevered; they may have even encouraged each other. What an amazing story of friendship and accountability.

Now I don’t have to tell you all the ways men can get into trouble today. We have enough talking heads telling us how bad we men are. So I won’t laundry list you into submission and guilt. You know the list and the proclivities we as men are inclined towards.  So that is why it is so important to have life-minded men in your life to keep you accountable and tell you what you need to hear when you stray and encourage you when you stay true.

Do you have any friend who would carry you toward the Savior when you need Him the most?

Do you have a group of men who struggle and endure with you in your good and bad times?

Or would they allow you to be alone and handle it on your own? Could you be a friend like that to someone?

Find those men. Your life depends on it.

Accountability: Like-Minded versus Life-Minded

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As humans, we have a tendency to gravitate toward like-minded individuals and passions. Our society dictates this model through political correctness, polling, media, rugged individualism, and Climate Change.  (Okay…not so much Climate Change but you catch my drift.)  The danger is we subscribe to it like sheep in relationships and because we are like-minded we are easily deceived and we believe that everything is okay in our little like-minded world.  So we scratch our heads wondering when the wheels fell off the wagon.   But why do we subscribe to it?  Why do we dismiss a need for true meaningful accountability?

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Accountability. Who needs it? (Part One)

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Every man needs accountability.  Not the “Gotcha! Now I’m gonna beat you up!” variety that we so fondly remember.  This variety leads to legalism and checklist spirituality.    Eric Reed, Minister to Men at Houston’s First Baptist Church stated it best, “Men need an accountability that is voluntarily entered into and focused on unleashing each man into the vision that God is calling him.”

The result is not being beat down, but being built up. The Bible calls this edification.

This accountability can be elusive.  Many men find accountability so frustrating because we have a tendency to cling to those individuals who flatter and rationalize our actions.  They tell us what we want to hear not what we need to hear.

Conversely, we find

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