Category Archives: Emotional Intelligence

Posted on

Emotionally Adept Leaders

The Case for EI is the Case for EA

by

Emotionally Adept Leaders

To make a case for one of them is to also make the case for the other. Because to truly grasp Emotional Intelligence (EI) and not put it into practice in every area of life would be to deny by your actions that you really “get it” when it-comes to the topic of EI.

I am in the process of writing a book on the topic of what it means to take Emotional Intelligence beyond just “knowing” and onto the important steps of incorporating that knowledge into our daily lives. In other words, becoming emotionally “adept” and not just full of knowledge that is never applied to how we live our lives. I am terming this, becoming “Emotionally Adept” and it is part of the overall process of becoming an “Emotionally Adept Leader.”

However, before I continue and expand on what it is to be emotionally adept, I should probably set the background for those not familiar with EI or reset the background for those that are familiar.

High-level Summary of EI.

By now, many of you have read the book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. So, just what is emotional intelligence? The quick answer is to say that there are four components of emotional intelligence that best define it. The first two are about yourself, while the remaining two are concerning others or those around you.

Self- consciousness (Being aware of one’s own emotions) 

Knowing yourself and being conscious of your emotions is the first component of emotional intelligence. Becoming aware of

Click here to read the rest of the article »

Posted on

Are You Likable?

Is it better to be liked or respected?

by

Are You Likable

I want to be liked. I think that everyone wants to be liked. Do you want to be liked?

The question today is this: Do we need to be liked to be an effective leader?

I am going to speak from a male perspective today. If you are a female, read on. It may be insightful for you to further see how men think and process information. But I am speaking today from a male viewpoint.

What is that point of view?

There is something inside a man that longs for respect. And I think that many, if not most men would choose respect over love if they had to make such a choice. So, what do we do with that reality?

Click here to read the rest of the article »

Posted on

Listening To An Old Soundtrack

What “tune” is stuck in your head?

by

Listening to An Old Soundtrack

Every one of us has a soundtrack playing inside our head. It is a recording of the things that people have said to us over the years. For many of us, we remember what was said to us and just how it made us feel at the time. We remember it like it was yesterday. We seem to remember those events even though we long to forget them.

Many things that were said to us make us sad. Some of them make us mad. Many of them were hurtful at the time.

What does this have to do with leadership?

As a leader, it is important to remember the role that we play in our follower’s lives. In many teams or project situations, we find that we spend much more time with our workmates than we do with our families.

Click here to read the rest of the article »

Posted on

Are You Emotionally Elite?

The Latest EI “Buzzword”

by

Emotionally Elite

Emotional Intelligence coaching has played a very significant role in my overall leadership development process. I am always looking for new information and new research in this area. Often, I get introduced to new words and terminology. Yesterday, I came across a new phrase — emotionally elite.

There is much more to be learned about emotionally elite leaders. Unfortunately, the word “elite” has some negative connotations. For many of us, this goes against our nature. We are not comfortable referring to ourselves as elite. Nevertheless, consider the word “elite” devoid of the braggadocios or the conceited way that we often see it used.

So, what does it mean to be “emotionally elite”?

After doing some research online and in some academic circles, I can report to you that there is still not a lot of material available with keywords “emotional” and “elite” used in combination. And some of the links that I followed took me to a well disguised online dating site. (Unfortunately, now some 39-year-old woman from the Ukraine wants to be my “friend”.) So, I need to be a little more careful in my research!

What are some common characteristics of emotionally elite leaders? Consider these five characteristics of those who are emotionally elite.

Click here to read the rest of the article »

Posted on

Emotional Intelligence

Is it really “All that”?

by

Emotional Intelligence

Let the record clearly state that I firmly believe that Emotional Intelligence is “All that” and even more. In fact, I have written much on this topic and I remain committed to bringing EI coaching and consulting to those organizations and individuals that want to maximize their potential across all facets of life.

Leaders with high Emotional Intelligence are valued across the board by their organizations. But does that mean that there are no drawbacks or points to ponder where EI is concerned? No, I believe that there are some things to heed in the midst of embracing the benefits.

Many Times It Seems “Feelings-Based”

Effective leaders with high levels of emotional intelligence also often have to achieve a higher level of self-control over their emotions than typical employees. As important as the “gut feeling” that is discussed in much of the commentary on Daniel Goleman’s work is to the basics of EI study, one cannot ignore the connection between the “gut” and the “brain”. In many situations where most employees may get by with a feelings-first approach, leaders must do what’s right rather than what feels good at the moment or is the popular decision to make.

Click here to read the rest of the article »

Posted on

Anger and Emotional Intelligence

by

Anger and EI

Can you be considered “Emotionally Intelligent” and still get angry? I had to consider that possibility following a conversation with a really dear friend yesterday. Up to that point my knee-jerk answer would have been “No.”

Now, I am not so sure about that.  In fact, I think you can be emotionally intelligent and still get angry.  Consider for a few moments the nature of “anger.”

Anger is a truly powerful emotion. It can be used either in productive ways or it can be used counter-productive ways. It is sort of like electricity. It can light, heat, or cool our homes. It can also electrocute you. In and of itself it is neither positive nor negative. It just is.

Here are few more things to consider about anger:

  • Anger is a powerful survival tool
  • Anger is a response to a stimulus (physical or psychological)
  • Anger is a source of energy
  • Anger is a secondary or a response emotion

Click here to read the rest of the article »

Posted on

EI Outside the Workplace

by

EI Outside the Workplace

I spent a great deal of time earlier in the week extolling the virtues of Emotional Intelligence in the workplace. And I still believe there is a significant need for and benefit from increasing our EI/EQ and using that increased knowledge and wisdom in the workplace.

But, let me attempt to make a compelling case, and in fact a greater case, for emotional intelligence outside the office and in the home.

Consider the Emotionally Intelligent Husband

The emotionally intelligent husband is a step above the husband who is not aware of his emotional intelligence nor has he raised his emotional intelligence. What defines an emotionally intelligent husband is one who has figured out a secret to marriage that other husbands haven’t yet. That little secret, although it is actually pretty elementary, can actually be pretty difficult to develop because it requires him to become more aware of his wife and her needs. And this is contrary to human nature and a pop culture that says that it is all about me.

Like many husbands, the emotionally intelligent husband has learned to respect and honor his wife. But here is where the EI husband separates himself from the others.

Click here to read the rest of the article »

Posted on

EI and the Collaborative Work Environment

by

Assembly Line

Look. I am here to do a job. I am not here to make nice with everyone.

 

Have you ever heard that? Have you ever said that? If so, you are probably not alone. But you are also probably a little out of touch with today’s work environment.

Gone are the days when you came to work, closed your office door and went about your daily tasks in the quiet and solitude of your office. Gone are the days when you only ventured out of your office to go to the coffee machine and bathroom. Today’s new office environment is about “Collaboration”. And collaboration is not a solo activity. It is team sport.

The old adage about leaving your emotions at the door before stepping into the office is dead, according to a recent study from the University of Bonn. Published in the Journal of Organizational Behavior in November 2014, the study showed individuals who displayed emotional intelligence—the ability to discern other people’s emotions—were more likely to bring home a bigger paycheck than their emotionally-stunted colleagues. In other words, those that are able to collaborate successfully and positively with their colleagues may be more financially successful.

The New Collaborative Workplace Is Different

There was a certain level of cooperation needed in the manufacturing economy of the past. But that economy was focused on productivity, efficiency, and was largely solo driven work an assembly line. These days collaboration and teamwork are emphasized—making emotional intelligence more important in the workplace.

Click here to read the rest of the article »

Posted on

How to Live on the Edge of Laughter

by

If you open a container of spoiled yogurt, it really stinks. I found that out the hard way! I was in the third grade, walking home from school. My route took me through the back parking lot of a grocery store. Like most young boys, I played “kick the can” with about anything that came across my path. This day – it was a full container of yogurt. In my home, we had never eaten yogurt, not that I could remember anyway.

Laughing Boy

Intrigued by this unknown substance, I picked it up and opened it. Ever had the dry heaves? Oh my goodness! It had spoiled and rotted inside the container and when I lifted the lid – the most horrendous stench you can imagine over took my entire little third grade body. I threw it as hard as I could and ran all the way home. I was mad and sick all at the same time! Traumatized for life, I couldn’t stand the thought of yogurt for decades.

It occurred to me a few months ago that many of us may have a primary emotion that sits just under the surface. We’re not much different than that spoiled container of yogurt. We’re just waiting for someone to come along and open the lid just a bit to let it out.

Click here to read the rest of the article »

Posted on

7 Traits of Highly Likable Leaders

by

Likable Leaders

I recently opined on the subject of “likability and capability.” From some of those thoughts you may have drawn the conclusion that being likable is not something for which you should strive. That is not the case at all.

Likability is a trait that can be developed. Far too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a fortunate few—the good looking, the fiercely social, and the incredibly talented. It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, being likable is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EI/EQ).

Consider the following traits of highly likable leaders:

Likable Leaders Smile – People are naturally somewhat relaxed by the smile of the person that is speaking to them. If you want people to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will have a tendency to return the favor. But use your real smile. Not the one you used for your school pictures in elementary school!

Likable Leaders Leave a Strong First Impression – Research shows most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seconds of meeting you. They do not even take an entire minute to make that decision. But do not fear. Just do the things that you mother taught you when you were growing up. Stand up straight, smile (we covered that above), extend your hand for a warm and firm handshake and then look them in the eye with kindness in your own eyes.

Likable Leaders Greet People by Name – Your name is an essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific to you on an emotional level when people use it to address you. Likable leaders make certain they use others’ names every time they greet them. But don’t just use someone’s name only when you greet him. Make it a natural part of your conversation with them following the greeting.

Likable Leaders Ask Questions – The biggest mistake people make when it comes to listening is that they are so focused on what they are going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect them that they fail to hear what’s being said. A simple way to avoid this is talk less and to ask a lot of questions. I first learned this trait from my father-in-law. He was a master at asking the right question at the right time.

Likable Leaders Don’t Seek Attention – Most people avoid those who are desperate for attention. No one like a drama king / queen. Likability and extrovert are not synonymous terms. When you speak in a calming, friendly, confident, and concise manner, you will notice that people are much more attracted to you, attentive to your message, and approachable.

Likable Leaders Know When To Be Transparent – Likable leaders let the other person guide the timing of when it’s the right time to open up. Sometimes we can be too transparent too quickly. But don’t hold everything back. Opening up to others in confidence will give them the signal that they can open up to you.

Likable Leaders Put Away Their iPhones and Androids – This is a tough one. And developing good smartphone etiquette will really enhance your likability. Nothing will turn someone off to you like a mid-conversation text message or even a repeated quick glance at your phone. People can tell when you are checking the time on your phone and when you are really more concerned about your email than you are about them. When you are in a conversation, be fully in it. This is a key one for many to grasp and apply to personal relationships as well.

There are times and situations when emergencies arise. Develop a “signal” with family members and loved ones. Two quick calls from my family means they really need me. And I have had to step away from someone or a small group conversation to respond to an urgent message.

How about you?

Are you a likable leader? How many of these traits come easy to you? Do any of them sound too hard to develop? Each of these are simple behaviors that you can work on and become more proficient. And when you do, you likability will go sky high!

 

 

Photo credit: CarbonNYC [in SF!] / Foter / CC BY