Moving From Vision To Action

 

visiontoaction3DThe process and the information contained in the book that I just released on Amazon had its genesis back in the mid 1990s.  And I want to tell you a little bit about how it came to be.

Many years ago I was given the incredible opportunity to work very closely with some guys and to take a radical look at how leadership looked and worked in the local church environment.  Not before, nor since then, have I had the opportunity to have such an impact.

I worked most closely with a young officer in the military.  His name is Capt. David G. Woods.  He and I are the same age and and at the time were at somewhat the same station in life.  Albeit his station was military and mine was civilian.  We had similar circumstances and views of leadership at the time.  We were young.  We were passionate.  We were energetic.  We had boundless energy.  We had very little patience with those not exactly like us.  We were foolish at times.

David WoodsOne of the things that we noted was that not everyone who has the ability to “see the big picture” can then execute a plan to accomplish the vision that is seen in the big picture.  Strategic and tactical planning are leadership skills that are not often found in visionary leaders.

I did not consider myself to be a visionary leader at that time nearly 20 years ago.  I was much more strategic and tactical.  I have developed visionary skills as I have grown older.  But neither of us had them at the time.  I won’t speak completely for David, but I know that I had brief flashes of vision and I had an innate sense that things could be and should be different.  But, I struggled to see that big picture.

Bob SpaldingDavid and I were very fortunate to have an older guy be a part of our little brain trust.  His name was Robert Spalding and he was one of the FBI’s preeminent forensic experts.  I will not go into his area of expertise because some may be a bit squeamish to learn of his expertise.  But he was brilliant, analytical, steadfast, and had the respect of the rest of the leadership that worked alongside us.

Together we produced some evaluation tools and a methodology for helping that local church move from a great vision and begin to put together specific, actionable, and measurable steps that would take us to where we felt that we were called to go.  Dave and I, especially, burnt gallons of “midnight oil” in the basement of my office building in a little office hovering over demographic data, membership data, leadership tools and together we developed the material that was introduced the to the rest of the leadership team and was later used at a leadership retreat.  The result of all of that was a dramatic restructuring of the roles of the various leaders that enabled them to really focus on their areas of strength and really begin to accomplish the goals that so many of them had – building the church spiritually, numerically and financially.

The results did not come over night.  But they did begin to come.

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The Daddy Daughter Disconnect

I started this as an attempt to put together a piece on “Leading My Daughters”, in the course of my normal research I found this article and it brought me to tears. Some of you have daughters, some of you don’t, but this is the truth, they are different, and leading them is difficult. I hope this means as much to you as it did me.

It is called, “Daddies, Please Hear Us!”

Daddy Daughter Disconnect - 1Fathers, this writing is on behalf of your daughters who need you desperately. These words are not meant to blame, hurt, or point fingers, but to rattle you into responsiveness, to shake you into action. We daughters are a national dilemma. You won’t hear about us on the six o’clock news, but we are here

We are living under your roof, eating from the same dinner table as you, pouring from the same milk carton. We are spending at least eighteen years, or 6,570 days with you at home. We pass you in the hall and wonder why we aren’t enough to catch your eye. We wonder what on earth a television set, a newspaper, has that we don’t. We are curious why you don’t get fired up for your daughters like you do the big game.

We are attuned to the fact you don’t seem very interested in our words, our feelings, our deepest convictions and doubts. We sob on the inside.

Daddy Daughter Disconnect - 2When you ignore us you are changing who we are. You are changing who we were made to be, and not for the better. You may not see any results of your emotional absence now, but soon you will. When we drink too much, use drugs, and have premarital sex, then you will see. When we cheat, lie, drive drunk, choose to date and marry mean guys, and get pregnant out of wedlock, then you will see. You will see our low self-esteem manifested. Our insecurity will come to life and you will probably be mad at us. You shouldn’t be. You should be mad at yourself for not paying more attention to us when we were little girls.

Fathers, we are hurting.

Fathers, we thank you for the education, our shelter, food, and clothes, but fathers, we need more.

We are tender-hearted, but you wouldn’t know because you’ve never stared into our hearts.

We are not like boys. Maybe boys can be tough, but we need our daddy’s tenderness.

We need your comfort when we hurt.

We need you to love us dearly and show love constantly so we know what to look for in a man when we grow up. By constantly, I mean constantly. Daily. Hourly. All the time.

Daddy Daughter Disconnect - 3And when you are home with us, really be home with us. Reading the newspaper and going to bed, all the while not saying a word to us, is not being with us.

We feel ignored.

We feel sad.

You are making us feel insecure about ourselves. And worst of all, you are shaping—or destroying—our image of what fatherhood is.

Yes, you are shaping us. What we will become is in your hands. Don’t you know that? You are literally molding us like clay.

Maybe you wanted us, maybe you didn’t. The fact remains WE ARE HERE.

We are humans, we are alive and we need more from you.

Maybe you relate better to boys. We are not boys. We need more from you. The way you treat our mothers is crucial to us knowing how to develop a loving relationship of our own. When you hurt our mothers in any way, we do not like it. Our mothers have been there, trying to fill in the void you choose to leave every day of our lives. Do you not get that?? You should bend over backward thanking our mothers for picking up your slack.

Most importantly of all, we see our Heavenly Father in the same light we see our earthly fathers. If you ignore us, we then believe God ignores us. If you hurt us, we view God as one who hurts us. If you act like you don’t want to be around us, we believe God must not want to be around us either. You are the link! You hold the key!

There is a song by John Mayer called “Daughters.” Search for it, buy it, and listen to it.

We are very, very delicate creatures.

And we need you.

That is the bottom line.

We are not trying to hurt you or tear you down.

But we are demanding you pay attention to us.

Daddy Daughter Disconnect - 4If you don’t, we will not grow emotionally and that will affect the rest of our lives, our future mates, our future children and all of our relationships forever.

Please spend as much time with us as possible. Quality time.

Tell us we are beautiful.

Tell us we are talented.

Tell us you love us more than you ever imagined possible.

Tell us.
If we don’t hear good things from you about us we will not grow emotionally or spiritually and this will affect us physically. We can’t stress this enough!

We will turn to other sources to make us feel good, whether it is right or wrong.

Then you will be mad at us for turning to those things, but the reality is, if you had really formed close, loving, honest, genuine relationships with us, we wouldn’t have sought those things out.

These boys at least make us feel special. You never did!

Alcohol and drugs at least take our minds off of our depression and anxiety that you brought upon us by ignoring us all these years.

You see, fathers, its really simple.

Just pay attention.

And love us.

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Leadership is . . . Saying you’re sorry

Saying you are sorry - 1Back in the 1970s there was a very popular little one panel comic that depicted a little male and female cherub-like creatures.  It had “Love is . . .” written in the upper left of the panel.  The couple was in the middle and the bottom was the rest of the sentence that told you what love is.

One of the most famous comic strips of the entire series was  “Love is . . . being able to say you’re sorry” and was published on Feb. 9, 1972.  The beginning of the strip coincided with the very famous film from 1970, “Love Story”.  The signature line from that movie was “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”   What a crock!

So, what is the leadership implication?

It is simply this.  Leadership often involves making mistakes.  I was once told by a CIO that I worked for, that if I wasn’t failing once in a while, then I wasn’t really trying very hard.  Now, I won’t debate that thought today as it is probably worthy of an article or post all on its own.

Saying you are sorry - 2But I firmly believe that leadership involves many things.  Some of those are

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Is it Obliviousness that is Really Bliss?

Oblivion and Bliss - 1I know that there are some things that I know. And I know there are some things that I don’t know. The problem is that there are potentially a lot of things that I don’t know that I don’t know. Do you know?

That sounds almost like a line from a Gilbert & Sullivan musical. For those of you who are not theater buffs or who are under the age of 50, go Google it.

I received a lot of comments via Facebook and other social media on my article on ignorance in leadership from earlier in the week. And those comments and conversations made me take another look at this issue of ignorance and bliss.

For me, I can almost assign the category of “Ignorance” to those who know that there are things that they don’t know. The word, ignorance, has taken on a cultural meaning that is not etymologically correct. The dictionary defines ignorance with words such as; unaware, inexperience, illiteracy, unfamiliarity and lack of knowledge. It does not assume that an individual is incapable or lacking the capacity to become aware, experienced, literate, familiar or knowledgeable. Indeed it is society and culture that makes that assumption about our nature.

Oblivion and Bliss - 2But the category of “Oblivion” may best be described as one who does not even know what they do not know. And here I would go further and suggest that

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All men dream

All Men Dream - 1

“All men dream, but not equally. Those who only dream by night in the dusty recesses of there minds, wake in the day to find it was in vain. But dreamers of the day, they are dangerous men, for they may act on their dream with open eyes, and make their dream reality.”

T.E. Lawrence

Men, be a “Tangible Leader” today.  Find some way or someone to make difference with. Be a Leader of substance.  Make a physical change in the world around you.

I apologize that this isn’t a long philosophical post. But this is where my heart is this morning. Go and affect someone’s life or something in your life today.

Just one thing, maybe find another and do it again tomorrow. You will be surprised how the ripple of change will work.

Have a great Tuesday.

 

Photo credit: lehman_11 / Foter / (CC BY 2.0)
Photo credit: Nomadic Lass / Foter / (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Ignorance is Bliss – Except in Leadership

Ignorance in Leadership - 1I don’t know very many folks who don’t know the cliché, “Ignorance is bliss.” But I am wondering today just how many know where where the phrase comes. It comes from a poem written in 1742 by Thomas Gray. The phrase is in the closing lines to his poem entitled, “Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College.” And the full sentence is:

Where ignorance is bliss, ‘tis folly to be wise.

There are many thoughts as to Gray’s purpose for ending his poem with such words. In those final lines he may be expressing thoughts on returning to his old school and there remembering the simplicity and innocence of his youth. It also appears that he is joining two worlds together in this line of the poem. He is joining a world that has not grown up yet with one that has. In a sense it is a world that shaped him into a man and perhaps, as with many, has beaten out those innocent aspirations of early life.

The modern day interpretation of the lines in the poem and the implications of the cliché are significant if examined in the light of leadership principles. The implications can be summed up in these two statements:

  1. You are more comfortable if you don’t know something.
  2. Lack of knowledge results in happiness.

Statement number one is pretty bad. I am never comfortable in the state of lack of knowledge. In fact it scares me and motivates me to seek after knowledge and understanding. Statement number 2 is downright ridiculous. Happiness is not a state of intellectual ascent. Rather, happiness is a conscious decision to maintain a positive and joyous outlook on life regardless of the circumstances.

So, what is the leadership principle here?

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Developing Followers

Developing Followers - 1In leadership we are seeking to help the people we are leading discover their purpose and potential. Each leader also may have certain goals, objectives and processes that they are supposed to meet and follow-through on, however the ultimate objective of leadership is the development of our followers.

As leaders we need to engage, equip and empower. As leaders, our followers need to know that we care, that we are available to them, that what we offer is to help them and open new doors for them. In an overly-simplistic reductionism I would assert that leadership is about the people and management is about the work. In other words our leadership ought to be for the development of followers (their lives, abilities, skill-set and productivity) but our management ought to focused on company/organization objectives, benchmarks, action-steps and of course the bottom-line.

Follow the LeaderWe need to lead in such a way that our followers know

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Shared Leadership

Sharing - 1It seems to me that the very meaning of leadership is someone that leads. So how could it be possible to share leadership? I am thinking shared leadership is “one too many cooks in the kitchen”. So, is sharing leadership an acceptable model. Could it work?

I don’t know, but let’s talk about it.

The all-knowing Wikipedia says “Shared leadership is leadership that is broadly distributed, such that people within a team and organization lead each other”. I guess what I am thinking is a little closer to home. As I came up with the thoughts that generated the start to this piece, I realized there are lots of things that I discuss with my wife, but leadership has never been one of them. Why not? Aren’t we really sharing the role of leader in our family?

Shared leadership involves maximizing all of you resources in an organization, team, family, group by empowering individuals and giving them an opportunity to take leadership positions in their areas of expertise. With more complex problems, issues and markets increasing the demands on leadership, the job in many cases is simply too large for one individual.

Sharing - 2Sharing leadership isn’t easy, but it’s definitely possible, and in many cases, highly successful. For instance,

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Manday: Everyone Matters

lego_spartan_warrior

As Kevin or any of my friends will tell you I have an insatiable appetite for reading.  I prefer biographies, mysteries, and inspirational books.  I also have a tendency to surround myself with successful go-getters.  I really have zero-tolerance for whiners and complainers, quitters, or those that work at not working.  Unfortunately, that has seen the demise of some ‘friendships’.

I do not surround myself with like-minded individuals but folks that are life-minded.  Believe me, I don’t agree with everything and not everyone agrees with me.  And the world is just fine because you don’t.

Recently, a very good friend tossed me a book entitled “Spartan Up!”  It’s a pull yourself up by the bootstraps type of book that states quit making excuses and get it done.  Blah blah blah.  Ironically, I’m captivated by it.  The author is the founder of the very popular Spartan Races.  Basically it states to choose the narrow road of doing things…the hard way and by accomplishing simple goals the hard way…obstacles become transparent and trivial.  Life will happen.  It always does.  I believe how we respond to lifes attacks defines who we are.

One story in the book struck me.  The author tells about a semester in college when he received a quiz that he breezed through until he read the final question.

“What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?”

The author left the last question blank when he turned in his paper.  Another student asked if the last question would count toward the quiz grade.  “Absolutely,” said the professor.  “In your careers, you will meet many people.  All are significant.  They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say ‘Hello.'”

The great Muhammad Ali tells a humbling story of a time he visited John F. Kennedy Jr at the offices of W magazine shortly before the untimely death of the prince of Camelot.  Ali was brought in the office and after a few moments of catching up, JFK Jr. sat up and stating, “Hey, I want you to meet some folks. Wait here.”    Ali sat in the office for a few minutes comfortable and casual about the impromptu meeting.  Who were these folks…VIPs for sure.  Say hello, make small chat..and never see them again.

JFK Jr. returned with the folks.  To Ali’s surprise, Jr. had returned with all the building staff and janitors to meet the great prized fighter.  A photo was taken with these hard working folks with Ali in the middle and JFK Jr off to the side.  What a priceless moment.  (I have seen the photo. I can’t find it on the web.)

This simple act of kindness is a reminder to us all that is costs us nothing to be nice to people.

The author of Spartan Up! stated that the unanswered quiz question was a lesson he would never forget. BTW…Her name was Susan.

 

Fatherhood Friday: Negotiating

Negotiation - 1Let me say up front that I negotiate for a living. That is one of the main functions that I perform on a daily basis. So you would think I would be good at it. Some days you would be right. Some days you would be wrong.

As I write this I am currently enjoying the pitter-patter of some additional little feet in my house. And it is a blessing that is beyond belief. I am so thankful to get to be an influence in these children’s lives in the absence of a real father figure in their lives.

And I think I am a little more observant at this point in my life than I was when I was younger and raising my own two children. I don’t recall someone flipping a switch and one of my grandchildren suddenly embracing the “terrible twos.” It’s almost like she was reading a magazine article written by another toddler that inspired her to begin consistently using the word “No”, or reverting to guttural grunts instead of using her incredible vocabulary.  But a switch has been flipped.

Negotiation - 2Now I’m not a pediatric psychologist or anything, but I’m sure this is all part a child’s natural development – she’s developing her own independent personality and part of that is testing boundaries and also understanding the dynamic between a stimulus and a reaction. Having said this, as parents (and even as a grandparent living in the same house), it doesn’t mean we have to like it.

Also at play here is a paradox that all father’s struggle with – trying to balance protecting a child from getting hurt versus consciously allowing them to fall or get hurt so they can learn more about those boundaries that we have established for them and that they are constantly testing. During the first two years of childhood this balance is not overly difficult to manage – for most of the first year you allow your baby to develop their neck muscles, try to crawl, hold a bottle, and finally walk on their own. Sure, there’s some steps you can take to prevent unneeded injury, like adding table bumpers, but overall the baby needs to learn how to execute these essential tasks.

Fast forward to age 2 where there is much more advanced control of motor skills.  But these little ones are still constantly teetering on the edge of serious injury. With this new physical competence there is also an ever-maturing personality and one that is determined to get exactly what they want all the time. As a parent, we of course know what is best for our children, particularly in the area of what actions will end up with a gaping wound, broken limb and a trip to the emergency room.

Negotiation - 3But we struggle knowing when to let them figure things out for themself and allowing them to fall, experience pain, cry a little, but hopefully learn a valuable lesson as a result. With that said it is also important for our children to learn what is right and wrong based on our guidance, feedback, and instructions.

This will ultimately end up being an important life-lesson. As good parents we would never dream of letting her try cocaine one day just so she can experience the side effects and learn on her own how harmful cocaine can be.

So what is the point on Fatherhood Friday? 

Dealing with an energetic and bright toddler requires parents to enhance their negotiating skills. Why?

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