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Manday: Speaking to the Ladies

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Manday - Speaking to the Ladies - 1Here are some things that I know to be true.

Ladies, if you marry a real man, not a man that is flashy and edgy and is an exciting “bad boy”, but a real man.  If he has demonstrated an ability to make self-sacrifice a part of his basic character and is therefore willing to be a man that will make every sacrifice needed to become the Spiritual leader of your home, I can promise you one thing.  I can promise you that he will have a long term view of love and of life.

And it is that long-term view of love and life that will be the thing that drives his commitment to you and to the family that you and he have established.  Real men have a long-term view of the world.  Many men only think about what is right in front of them.  When you are in front of them, they think about you.  But when they are away from you and your eyes, their eyes have a tendency to wander.  They can be distracted by the short-term and by doing what feels good.

Real men with long-term views are not distracted by what they see and they are not guided by what they feel.  Instead, they are guided by commitment and principles.  The problem is that many times these kinds of men are not the ones that some ladies tend to notice.  I know this for a fact.  And here is how I know.  

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The Importance of Perception

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Importance of Perception - 1“It is more important to the rest of the world that your American president appear or be or be perceived to be a leader than for him to actually be a leader.”

This was a statement made by some colleagues at dinner the other night. I have been in Spain for most of this past week on a business trip. And all of my colleagues are not from the United States. One was from New Zealand, one was from Belgium, one was from the U.K., and the folks we were meeting were all from Spain. So, I tried to keep my mouth shut as much as possible lest I create an inter nation incident!

But I am struck by this question: What are the implications of this kind of thinking?

This was a painful thought for me to consider and it has been on my mind since the moment that one of them said it to me.

What does that mean about leadership?  Is that a statement about political leadership in particular? Is any part of that sentiment true?  What about your leadership role?

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The Great Man Theory

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Great Man Theory - 1You may have heard people saying, “Great leaders are God-gifted, not man-made”? This quote reflects the results of a very popular (apparently) theory known as Great Man Theory of Leadership, which says that leadership traits are ingrained in a person. In other words, the answer to the question of knowing whether you are a leader or not, is that you were either born as a great leader or not. Factors such as your up-bringing, education, experiences are only modeling your leadership abilities; they aren’t responsible for making you a leader.

Great Man Theory - 2During the 19th century, the Great Man Theory of Leadership became very popular. The theory was formulated mainly by analyzing the behaviors of mainly military figures of the time. In the 1800s, leadership positions were held solely by men and were typically passed on from father to son. So, it’s not a coincidence that the theory was named “Great Man Theory” as there weren’t any women that were given the opportunity to rise when the occasion presented itself. The famous historian, Thomas Carlyle was deeply involved with this Great Man Theory of Leadership and had even stated that the history of this world was basically the combined biographies of these great men. Mr. Thomas Carlyle believed that effective leaders were a package of Godly motivation and the right personality.

History is the essence of innumerable biographies. 
Thomas Carlyle

Herbert Spencer (1820 – 1903), famous sociologist said that great leaders were only products of the atmosphere and society they worked and lived in. In other words, society was shaping these great men as opposed to them shaping society. The Great Man Theory is so engraved in our souls that we almost instantly connect authoritative figures as having leadership qualities that should be replicated to become successful. What about authoritative figures that are poor leaders?

Great Man Theory - 3Think of your favorite President or Prime Minister (Ronald Reagan for me), depending on where you live. Now, think of the leadership attributes that you believe makes (made) him or her worthy of the leadership label. Lastly, make sure you seriously consider this before continuing on. Okay, the big realization: are these traits emanating from his being or are they the fruits of all of the great leaders that are guiding him or her behind the scene and who are never or almost never given the appropriate credit!

We did not necessarily seek the role of leadership that has been thrust upon us. But whether we like it or not, the events of our time demand our participation.
Ronald Reagan

This simple exercise really demonstrates the fact that these “Great Man” believers aren’t alone nor are they the results of their “Godly motivation and personalities”, as stated by Mr. Thomas Carlyle. I’m not saying that they aren’t great leaders, they certainly can be. However, we need to realize that these “great man” weren’t born great leaders; they had the potential of being a great leader just as we do, and their leadership abilities have, like ours, evolved from their education, experiences and personalities combined with the social context in which they lived.

If we desire leadership, can we change our surroundings to help fulfill that desire? Are all the necessary traits for leadership already in us and they just need to be turned on? Can we become great leaders despite our social or economic status?

Photo credit: tastybit / Foter / (CC BY-SA 2.0)
Photo credit: Penn State Special Collections Library / Foter / (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)
Photo credit: Foter / Public domain
Photo credit: K. Sawyer Photography / Foter / (CC BY-NC 2.0)

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Manic Monday: Evernote

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Manic - Evernote - 1On of the things that is becoming more and more clear to me as I get busier and busier with my “day job” and the growth of Leadership Voices is the need to become more and more organized. I have been a fan and an aficionado of organizational tools for my entire adult life. And great organizational ability is needed for great leadership.

I was an ADD/ADHD kid. When I was in school we didn’t get medication for ADHD, we got sent to the principals office and paddled. So, I learned at a very early age to curb the “H” piece of that little 4 letter acronym. But the “AD” piece and the inability to focus on tasks in an orderly and organized fashion has plagued me my entire life. You may have seen a photo snapped of me recently working at my desk at home. It was fairly accurate of the condition of my desk and the surrounding work area. And it has caused me to reconsider and reevaluate my organizational prowess.Manic - Evernote - 2

I will never be the neat freak and have a spotless desk with every scrap of paper tucked away some pale neatly at the end of each day. But that doesn’t mean that I cannot be an organized person. It just takes more effort for me than for most.

The key for me has always been “writing it down”.

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Just What is Coaching Anyway?

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Coach DeChellisOne of the great things about being involved in leadership development and coaching is the opportunity to be constantly learning and developing your own skills in these areas. They say that you teach that which you need to learn the most. Although I don’t subscribe to that theory, there is a thread running through it that resonates within me because of the learning that often goes along with the teaching.

If you’re like most of us, you have probably noticed the buzz word “Coaching” being thrown around a lot in the corporate world. I am a leadership and life coach. But what does it actually mean? Sometimes when dealing with abstract concepts it is easier to define it by describing what it is not.

Coaching is not leading. Leadership Voices, LLC is all about leadership and about the many ways that leadership is defined and employed. And great leaders will often provide guidelines and advice on how to succeed in certain areas. Typically they will be seeking to help you reach a certain goal, or they wish to rally you and your colleagues to reach this shared goal. Great leaders will often also be great coaches; however it is still important to understand the differences in the conversations with them.

What is coaching - 2Coaching is not mentoring. If you’ve ever been a coach or have been coached, and the conversation has steered towards advice on technical or job specific concepts, then you aren’t being coached – you are being mentored. Mentoring is defined as, “A situation where a senior or more experienced individual is assigned to act as an advisor, counselor or guide’’ (Business Directory, 2014). Yes, mentoring is crucial in any role, however it is equally as important to understand what mentoring is and why it is being done. Perhaps I will tackle that concept in my next article on this topic that is intimately related.

Coaching is not managing. If your manager provides a coaching session for you, and gives you advice on ways to perform your role in a greater capacity, gives you ideas on how to make your sales quota, or tells you how to achieve KPIs, then you are being managed. And if your manager does this with you frequently and an in a positive way, then you have a great manager. However, a great manager is not necessarily a great coach. It’s not that they are bad at what they are doing – quite the opposite. It’s just that they are doing what they are employed to do – manage their team members and ensure that they deliver on the targets set by their manager.

So, what is coaching?

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Leading “As one with authority”

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Authority - 20140619 - 1“As one with authority”

“They were amazed at his teaching.” “He taught as one with authority and not as their teachers.” These words were spoken about Jesus. Some of His first words to certain people were: “Follow Me”. Jesus came as a leader. He led people in a different way than the scribes of the people. The crowds looked at Jesus amazed and struck by the fact that He taught as one with authority.

Have you noticed a difference between two people speaking the same message? I mean, they are speaking on the same topic, referencing the same points and principles, and yet the way in which they are received is as different as night and day? This was the case when the people compared Jesus and the scribes of His day. What the scribes went around teaching was considered accurate and truthful. The scribes were speaking words that everyone knew and yet their words had little impact. These teachers were ineffective and their words did not astonish or amaze and were not words of authority. And yet their words were derived from the same book, the same premise, the same story. What was different?

Authority - 20140619 - 2We have many people today who are in positions of leadership and yet have no authority. People aren’t clamoring to hear what they have to say and aren’t traveling miles (in Jesus’ case, miles by foot!) to sit under their instruction or guidance. Why is that? Could it be that we don’t have authority? Could it be that there is something missing within us? Could it be that there is nothing wrong with our subject matter or technical presentation but rather something broken in our character, motive and/or passion? Why did people run to Jesus and not to scribes of His day? Why did people run to Jesus but don’t similarly run to church today? What’s missing?

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Authority and Leadership

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Authority - 1Imposing your authority does not make you a leader.

I was recently engaged in a conversation with another leader here at Leadership Voices about the differences between authority and leadership. I made the point that having authority does not necessarily make a person a good leader. Likewise, you do not have to have authority in order to be a good leader.

That sounded like a good topic for our discussion here. So, what are the differences and similarities between authority and leadership?

The wonderful internet, primarily the free Merriam Webster dictionary, describes authority as the power to give orders, make decisions and or the power or right to direct or control someone or something. They define leadership as a position as a leader of a group or organization, or the power or ability to lead other people.

I think we would all agree that true leaders have some authority and that there is some inherent leadership that comes with authority. However I would like to talk about the other group that is people with authority that are definitely not leaders.

In his book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, author John Maxwell writes “Leadership is influence – Nothing more, nothing less.” I didn’t necessarily buy that in the beginning, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized this:

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Manday: Sometimes Good People Have Bad Days

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faking smart parking

Conversation with a child in one of the many crime ridden apartment complexes I patrol.
Child: “You only arrest bad people right, Mr. Officer?”
Me: “Yes. I do.”
Child: “Do you like to arrest bad people?”
Me: “No. I don’t like arresting people. It’s not fun.”
Child: “Then why did my Momma get arrested last week?”
Me: “What’s your name, son?” (As I go to one knee to talk to the child on his level.)
Child: “Joowan.”
Me: “Joowan? Is your Momma a bad person?”
Joowan: “No. No she isn’t. She loves me.”
Me: “Well, Joowan. I believe you. But…sometimes good people have bad days.”
Joowan: “Yeah. She was having a bad day.”
Me: “I believe you, Joowan. I believe you.”

I posted that story on Facebook over two months ago.  Everyone thought I was Saint or a wise old Yoda.  In that moment, I felt compassion for the child and candidly it was self-preservation for the future cop that would meet this young Joowan when he hated the world and knew all the answers.  Have I always responded with this inspired wisdom and counsel?  No.  As I write this, my head is shaking at the numerous times I have thought-then-said the first thing that comes to mind.  I consider those moments missed opportunities.

I don’t know why good people have bad days.  I don’t know why decent men and women find themselves in the throes of divorce, or why hard workers lose their only source of income or why a young child has to undergo chemotherapy for a chance to live.  I have an idea.  As Leaders, I believe it is an opportunity to respond. How we respond as leaders and men can determine our metal.  It can provide followers peace and solace in troubled times.

Let me share one more story with you.

I was dispatched to an accident.  A woman with a suspended drivers license attempted to pull into a parking space in front of a store.  Somehow, she accelerated and crashed into a fully customized Ford Mustang.  The impact was so intense that the Mustang was pushed up onto the curb and into the building entering the store.  On its journey toward the storefront it destroyed another vehicle parked next to it.  Glass windows and merchandise were destroyed but only the front of the vehicle was in the store.  The Mustang was wrecked. No one was injured. Everyone in the store was safe.  (BTW-The Mustang had its parking brake set.)

The owner of the Mustang was having a bad day.  We quickly learned that the car was his hobby and he poured a lot of T.L.C. and money into it.  I watched him.  He was all business.  He took control of his environment and lead.  He was calm and concerned about everyone’s well being.  Somehow, his friends showed up and they expressed anger and sadness for his vehicle being damaged.  Then I saw disdain and hatred on their faces for the woman who caused the accident.  He wasn’t offended but they weren’t going to miss a chance to be offended, hurt, and angry for him.  The owner of the Mustang was oblivious to all this and his friends were attempting to get him fired up like a posse.  I saw an opportunity, I intervened.

Me: “It’s a good thing you were parked here sir.”
Mustang: “Hmmm. I can fix the car.”
Me: “Think about it. If this space had been empty, she may have driven into the store and hurt someone.”
Mustang: “Oh my god, you’re right.”
Me: “I can honestly say that you, your Mustang, and your choice of parking spaces saved lives today.  If she had not hit your car who knows what damage she would have caused in the store.  Your car stopped her from entering the store and hurting shoppers.”
Mustang: “Thank you, Officer. I feel so much better knowing that.  Did you hear that the Officer said if my car wasn’t parked here, someone could have been hurt or worse.”

The posse was dispersed and crisis averted.  Opportunity seized.   It may sound like I’m tooting my own horn but I want to share with you that leadership will emerge in times of chaos and crisis.

How you respond will determine if you are the Shepherd or the Sheep.  Think before you speak and take action.  Do not miss opportunities to lead.

 

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I am not a buffoon. And I don’t need a new tie.

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Fathers Day 2014 - 1Sunday is Father’s Day.  And from this man’s perspective, there is no non-Christian holiday or special day that is more important to our society and to our culture than Father’s Day.  Let me explain.

Pop culture and the entertainment industry serve up a steady diet of the father as the hapless buffoon of the family.  The poor father in the TV show can barely create a string of coherent thoughts.  And he is constantly overwhelmed with the affairs of the family.  He doesn’t understand his wife.  He can’t stand his kids.  And so he either explodes emotionally or he retreats to the easy chair with a beer in his hand to watch TV while the family swirls around him and mocks his behavior.

This is not me.  I don’t act like that.  I never have.  Have you?

Yet the popular image and the prevailing picture of Dad is the sitcom version.  If you believe the sitcom message, most families would be better off if Dad weren’t even there.  Yet how far from the truth that thought is in reality.

Fathers Day 2014 - 3The foundation of our society is the family.  And the foundation of our family is the father.  Stay with me now.  This is not a “Fathers are more important to the family than mothers” kind of article.  In fact,

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New Words for New Situations

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New Words - 1What makes our words powerful and effective? What we say, combined with how we live can together offer a synergistic force that can literally change the world (or at least the world around us). So if we are trying to help people become all that they can be, what words should we use and how can we redeem or replace words that have become ineffective or tired and worn-out?

The reason why our words become tired and worn out is because people have heard the claims before and have also seen a lack of follow-through, a lack of consistency and lack of integrity in the lives of those who speak the words. So first of all the simple (and yet not at all easy) reality is that our words will carry weight if our lives are in agreement with our words. If we live what we preach people will take note. If we speak what we mean and mean what we speak. If we follow through on our promises and commitments, if we back up our promises with actions, people will begin to notice. Our words are so often received with skepticism because people have been burned before and are hoping not to have it happen again. If you want to be an effective leader and have them believe your words, you must be a consistent and faithful person full of honesty, integrity and follow-through.

New Words - 2The reason our words become ineffective is because we are addressing things that are no longer an issue or of importance to the people we are leading.

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