Monthly Archives: May 2013

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Don’t Be Afraid to Be Silly

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Acting Silly 053113-1One of the things that is the most important to us as men is that our wives and children respect us.  I think for many men respect comes before love in order of importance to the male psyche.  But, I won’t debate that here today.  Instead, I want to talk about something that in many ways may run counter to the notion of respect.

The opposite of respect is, of course, disrespect.  And as dads we cannot tolerate that from our children.  But consider for a moment the importance of being silly with your children.  Did you catch that?  I said that it is important to be silly with your children.  Why is that important?

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Mentoring Moment – Putting Your $$$ to Work for You

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The 2012 Tax Season is winding down for most of us. Many of us (although not me) have already received refunds. Question: what did you do with yours? Did you set an example and save anything for the future?

In this Mentoring Moment, I want to speak to some of the younger readers of LV (and after the Saturday before last, I know you are out there!). I rely heavily on some work by Emily Brandon that goes back to the Fall of 2011 when she wrote about “Gen Y’s $2 Million Retirement Price Tag.”

MM - 20130530-1

There is no question about it, “Twenty Somethings” will need to save much more than their parents did for retirement.

A recent research report by the Pew Charitable Trusts says younger baby boomers and Generation Xers face an uncertain retirement because of reduced savings, high levels of debt, and losses during the Great Recession.

The study found that members of Generation X, who are now between 38 and 47 years old, lost almost half their wealth between 2007 and 2010. Young baby boomers, who are between 48 and 57, lost more money but a smaller portion of their overall wealth. The report says both of those groups are struggling to save enough money for retirement and are lagging older groups in terms of their savings. They also hold more debt than those groups did at similar points in their lives.

Retirement won’t be impossible for Generations X and Y, but they will need

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5 More Qualities that Make an Effective Team Mate

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Teamwork 20130528Last week I gave you 5 Qualities that Make an Effective Team Mate.  I said, I think at one point or another in our lives, we have all been members of a team.  Would you agree?

This week I want to round out the topic and give you 5 more qualities that I think are important in a team mate.

    1. Cooperation — Cooperation is the act of working with others and acting together to accomplish a job. Effective team mates work this way by second nature. Good team mates, despite differences they may have with other team members concerning approach and technique, find ways to work together to solve problems and get work done.
    2. Exhibits flexibility — Teams often have to deal with changing conditions — and often create changes themselves. Good team players roll with the punches; they adapt to ever-changing situations. They don’t complain or get stressed out because something new is being tried or some new direction is being set.
      In addition, a flexible team member can consider different points of views and compromise when needed. They don’t hold to a point of view and argue it , especially when the team needs to move forward to make a decision or get something done. Strong team players are firm in their thoughts and open to others — flexibility at its best.
    3. Is committed (to the team) — Good team mates care about their work, the team, and the team’s work. They show up every day with this care and commitment up front. They want to give a good effort, and they want other team members to do the same. Usually this attribute is contagious.
    4. Works as a problem-solver — Teams, of course, deal with problems. Sometimes, it appears, that’s the whole reason why a team is created — to address problems. Good team players are willing to deal with all kinds of problems in a solutions-oriented manner. They don’t simply rehash a problem the way problem-dwellers do. They don’t look for others to fault.
      Team players get problems out in the open for discussion and then collaborate with others to find solutions and form action plans.
    5. Treats others in a respectful and supportive manner — Team players treat fellow team members with respect — not just some of the time but consistently. In addition, they show understanding and the appropriate support of other team members to help get the job done. They don’t place conditions on when they’ll provide assistance, when they’ll choose to listen, and when they’ll share information. Good team players also have a sense of humor and know how to have fun (and all teams can use a bit of both), but they don’t have fun at someone else’s expense. Quite simply, effective team players deal with other people in a professional manner.

Are we being good team mates? Are we reliable, listening, and communicating effectively? Does someone want to join our team? Are we leading all of our team members correctly? Are we cooperating with the team, and focusing on common goals? Do any of these things ring true in your life? I know the do to me, I have two friends who are sometimes on the team, and sometimes not, are my teams goals changing or are theirs?

 

Photo credit: Mads Høgstedt Danquah / Foter.com / CC BY-NC
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Photo credit: TxSportsPix / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

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Memorial Day Heroes

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Memorial Day - 2013Not all of our heroes have died in battle.

Please don’t take that the wrong way.  I truly mean no disrespect.  But a thought came to me as we stopped by Veteran’s Memorial Cemetery late yesterday afternoon.  The thought was that heroes come in many forms.  Consider if you would, the man that came home from the war and made a life for himself.  He married his sweetheart.  He got a job.  He went to work every day.  He helped his wife raise some children.  He served on the church board.  And he lived a full life.  That man may not be a military hero.  But he was a hero nonetheless.

Such can be said for both my father and my father-in-law.  Both of these men served in the military.  Both served in times of war.  My father served during the Korean War.  It was a somewhat forgotten war.  Dad dodged a few bullets while in Korea and he served with honor.  My father -in-law served during the Vietnam War.  And if Korea was a forgotten war, then Vietnam was certainly a forgettable war to many Americans.

Dad - USAFHowever, neither of these men are my hero because of what they did in the service of their Country.  Both of these men are my heroes because of what they did in the service of their family.  The late 1950s saw them leave the military and rejoined civilian life.  And the 1960s and 1970s were times of great social upheaval in our Country’s history.  It was almost social warfare.  So many of their contemporaries and colleagues may have been military heroes, but they were wounded by that social warfare and went AWOL as husbands and fathers.

So, on Memorial Day and on Manday, I encourage those of us who are fathers to be a hero.  Do not be AWOL.  I encourage you to show up for duty every day.  Be a “Hero of the Home“.

And to those of you who have lost loved ones in the service of our Country and for the sake of freedom, we at LeadershipVoices say, “Thank You” for paying the ultimate sacrifice that we can lift our voice in freedom.

Have a great Memorial Day

 

 Photo credit: davidyuweb / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

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Can’t We All Just Get Along?

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Consensus Flow ChartConsensus. Everyone gets their voice heard, all sides of an issue are aired and all potential decisions get vetted, and then the group comes together and agrees on the best solution. The best solution may even be a combination of 2 or more of the ideas. Fair, democratic, inclusive. What could be better?

But what is Consensus, really? While it may be a deliberate choice for a governing method due to the desire to limit the power or control of any one individual, I have often seen it as a sign of weak leaders. It is many times driven by political correctness, fear, or a desire to avoid confrontation and to be liked. And the fuel of Consensus is Compromise.

So what is Compromise? It means that nobody gets what they really want. As the old saying goes, “If nobody’s totally happy with the solution, then it’s probably the right answer.” Really? Why can’t somebody be right and somebody else be wrong? Or why can’t an installed leader be given the authority to make a decision, right or wrong, and then be judged later on the outcome rather than an evaluation of the decision itself?

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And Girls Are Not Little Men Either!

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FF - 20130524 - 2Last week I had little boys on my mind and some of the unique things about how they are made up.  And this week, it is little girls.  (Sorry, I just couldn’t resist the title of this article.)  And last week was about behavior issues while this week is a little more about the emotional aspect of being a father of a little girl.

Up until she walks down that aisle to marry the boy who will steal her from your heart, YOU are the most important man in the world to her.  And the way that you will model what a real man and husband looks like is how you relate to her mother.  I am not so naive as to realize that husbands and wives don’t always stay together.  But that is a subject for another day.  My point here is that your primary job is to love your wife the way that you want her husband to love her one day.  So model for her what love looks like, what honor looks like, what tenderness looks like and what steadfastness looks like.

Little girls are special.  There is nothing like

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Mentoring Milli-moment (shorter than a full Moment)

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For everyone who will be traveling this summer season, for work or for play, I have an important message. You probably do what most people do and take pre-trip safety for granted. Especially on airplanes, we are doing our own things and focused on our families, getting our iToys plugged in and ready for the trip, and so on, and, if you are on a business trip, you are managing a beverage and pretending to do work – to justify the trip and to show off in case a colleague or contractor sees you.

Thus, in the spirit of Safety and Wellness, please allow me to translate at least part of the message we either block out or ignore on flights:

MM - 20130523(Source: New Yorker Magazine)

The same general technique applies to automobiles, too. Folks will be checking, so please comply to ensure safe travels.

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5 Qualities of an Effective Team Mate

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Teammates #1 for 05212013I think at one point or another in our lives, we have all been members of a team. It may have been kickball in grade school, or in my case the military. Keeping in mind that we don’t always get to choose our “Team Mates”, but if you were choosing members for a team, who would the best team mates be? Assuming that people have the ability to achieve the common goal, what other factors would you use to select your team members?

This came to me over the weekend, so I spent some time writing them down one at a time and added a quick blurb about why they were important. I am sure there are many more, but I limited it to what I thought was the ten best.

We will look at the first five this week. And we will look at five more next week.

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Hemingway Quote for Manday

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me-likey-dar-44

Men,

I would share it this way…

…aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.  

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

 

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Boys Are Not Little Men

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Restaurant High ChairOne of the hardest things about being a father of a little boy is realizing that he is not a little man.

Let that sink in for a few minutes.

I think that one of the hardest things about being a father is working through our son’s transition from infant to toddler to preschooler and on up the development path. And one of the toughest aspects of that for us fathers is the realization that at no place along that path is he just a small version of an adult.  He is a child,  And children do childish things.

But this is critical for us as fathers to understand if we are going to manage our expectations, or even have reasonable ones in the first place. Here is what I mean by this. A toddler, for example, is not developmentally able to behave like, think like or even sit like you or I are. But yet, many times we find ourselves out to dinner with our family and in a crowded restaurant. And the next thing we know, little “Junior” is squirming or fidgeting and generally making us aware that he is getting a little bored with life. He may even toss a few french fries onto the floor in his own frustration. Of course we don’t want to be embarrassed by our child’s behavior in the restaurant because I am sure the other patrons in the restaurant have never seen a fidgety child . . . (insert sarcasm here) Little junior starts to fuss and he does so in ever increasing levels until he gets our attention. And he soon gets our attention. But is probably not the attention little Junior is looking for.

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