“One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.”– Unknown
Monthly Archives: June 2013
That Kind of Father
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Last week I asked the audience to submit a story about their father or being a father. It could be serious or it could be funny. In the end, I chose the following. It is short and slightly poignant.
I am told of a dad who had to travel on business a lot when his two children were very young. It seems he would leave early in the work week and return late in the week. Some times his travels took him just far enough to make it too far to come home at night, but close enough to make it home sometimes in the middle of the week. One week he had to travel by plane even though it was just a two day trip.
Now he loved his children and his children loved him. How do we know that? Well consider this little situation as an example.
Although he had only been away from home for less than 48 hours, when his youngest saw the door to the jetway open, his youngest son broke loose from his mother’s grip and ran up the ramp and into his father’s arms. This startled the stewardess greatly and she asked the embarrassed mother just how long the little tike’s father had been away from home. She was expecting the mother to say that it had been many weeks since her sons had seen their Daddy. Imagine her surprise when the mother told her it had just been two days!
Now I don’t know about you. But I want to be the kind of Dad that is on the receiving end of that kind of greeting from my children. How about you? Are your children excited when you come home at the end of the day?
Happy Father’s Day from the Entire LeadershipVoices Team
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Another Thought Before Father’s Day
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I sit at my desk early this morning contemplating Father’s Day. As far as I am concerned being a father is the most important job I will ever have. I smile because I know that my best father’s day present will be going to see the latest Disney movie with my family tonight. I ask you men, should we be selfish about Fathers Day? Maybe have an expectation to sit around and be waited on…..I say no, my family is my greatest accomplishment, so I say the best Father’s Day present I could get is to take them out and show them off. Be a Father this weekend, and enjoy your day.
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Choices and Perspective
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You walk in the door from a very long day of work. It is hot and you are tired.
Child: “Hey Daddy! Wanna play hide and go sneak?”
Father (Thinking to himself): “Um . . . No, not really. I have been at work all day and all I really want to do is sit down, watch the news and catch a few innings of the baseball game.”
Father (In reality): “Of course! I was hoping to get to do that tonight!” (At what age do you think kids start to understand sarcasm?)
Maybe you are a better father than me. Maybe you never had the the kinds of thoughts that popped in my head from time to time when my children were young. But, I was always pretty sure that I know where my child was going to hide — under the bed — again. Just like the last time we played. And the time before that.
But here is where I get to make a choice. Will I choose to make this about me? Or about my child? And from whose perspective will I view this request.
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No Surprises Management
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Trial lawyers know well the “goosey – gander rule”. What would happen if we apply the “goosey – gander rule” to the concept of no surprises management from the employee perspective?
Simply, the “goosey – gander rule” is based on a sense of what is good for one party in a relationship, is good for the other party. In court, the idea is that if a ruling is made one way for a party, when a similar issue arises for the other party, the court’s ruling should be the same. Examples include interpretation of the rules of evidence or the amount of leeway an attorney is given to examine an uncooperative witness. The “surprise” the second attorney feels with an inconsistent ruling is avoided by the application of the “goosey – gander rule”. In court, surprises like this relate to appeals, and avoiding appeals on such matters is a good thing.
Does the “goosey – gander rule” apply at work? We all know that bosses hate surprises and that we work very hard to avoid them (no surprises management (NSM) is a term long associated with the idea that the best way to succeed is not to surprise your boss). What are bosses doing to keep workers informed so that the workers are not surprised? Shouldn’t the “goosey – gander rule” apply at work?
James Heskett, from Harvard, suggests that NSM should be applied downward. He has some data that suggests that significant improvements in performance can be associated with leadership that produces no surprises for those lower in the organization. He suggests that NSM applied downward can improve trust of management, increase attention to deliverables and to work tasks by workers, lower turnover and increase profits. To me, NSM is a form of alignment on goals and objectives of an organization and upon the tasks needed to achieve the same.
As leaders, James poses the challenge of understanding what NSM means to your team. What do you think? Is a worker entitled the “goosey – gander rule” applied at work? Is management by surprise a useful tool?
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What Keeps a Team Together?
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Unity is the key. Whether we’re talking about a sports team, work team, school team, seal team, church team, or home team (family), it’s essential that we get everyone on the bus and moving in the right direction with a shared vision, focus, purpose and direction. When a team comes together, and stays together, they are able to succeed together.
But if unity is so important then why aren’t more teams more united you might ask? Why are there so few great teams and so many average and dysfunctional teams? The answer is simple. It’s not easy to bring people together. Agendas, egos, politics, power struggles, negativity, poor leadership, mismanagement, complaining, whining, and a lack of vision, focus and purpose all prevent a team from uniting and performing at their highest level. Leaders, how much of this can we prevent?
The bad news is that there are hundreds of negative forces and factors that can sabotage your organization, teamwork, unity and success. The good news is that unified teams show us it is possible to overcome them. There is evil around us everywhere, destroying families, undermining work groups, and tearing down churches. Supporting, and keeping our Teams together is the most important thing we can do. Christ said we, the people make up the church, and I’m saying the unity of the people is most important on any team.
Unity happens when leaders are committed to and engaged in the process of building a united, (successful) winning team. It requires focus, time, and energy. Unity occurs when team members care more about the vision, purpose, success and health of the organization than they do their own personal agenda. Changing or developing the mindset is essential. Unity happens when each person on the team can clearly see how their personal vision and effort contributes to the overall vision and success of the team. This involves meaningful conversations, and exchanges. This results from weeding out the negativity that sabotages far too many teams. The dissolution of a team, of any kind, is painful.
The great news is that the process of unification of a team, no matter how long it takes, is a beautiful thing. Think of how awesome a father daughter dance is at a wedding; think about what the perfectly executed football play looks like. I have heard from leaders who have increased their productivity and performance by simply developing unity. I don’t think any of this is difficult, it just requires COMMITMENT. When all members are committed team unity is a foregone conclusion. I wish that for you and your team.
Leaders are we promoting unity? Fathers are we supporting and being involved in all aspects of our families lives? Pastors are you making periodical visits to all outreach ministries? Bosses are we involved in our companies off property gatherings? Commanding officers, are we spending time with our men, in the real difficult time, the off time and the training?
I have to be the first to admit; I am not doing all I could be.
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Manday: Husbands, Date Your Wives
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Let’s keep this simple. In our busy world, we can get trapped with rushing children to this event and then to the next. It can be exhausting. It can be costly and it can consume a once healthy marriage. You can easily find yourself living for the kids.
One technique we like to utilize in our house is the word, No. Say no to extra things in the schedule. As leader of the house, men, we need to help prioritize the schedule. I would like to share the following advise I received as a young married husband to you. I don’t know if this is in some Gary Smalley book or Marriage enrichment book…I don’t have time to read that drivel. All I know is that what I’m about to share with you works.
Ready? Here it is:
Dialogue daily. Date Weekly. Depart Monthly.
Dialogue daily. Men initiate a daily conversation with your spouse. Call her if you’re running late. Text her. Message her. Just talk to her. Don’t lose the original dialogue you had when you pursued her.
Date weekly. Court your wife. Find a sitter and take her out. Make excuses to get alone with your spouse. Go to a movie. Dinner. Most likely your spouse is a sure thing. But plan a night out. You do all the planning. It can be as easy as a quick jaunt to Starbucks. Just do it. Go back to those days when you were dating and as soon as you left her presence…you couldn’t wait to see her again. Also, double date. Encourage another couple to join you. There are some strained marriages needing a breather as well.
Depart Monthly. Get out of Dodge once a month. Not a huge vacation. Make a day trip to Llano for barbecue as a day trip. Go to Galveston. Just get away for awhile.
The benefits are amazing. Your offspring see the most healthy relationship between the two of you. Boys and Girls see a Father in love with their Mother. It’s good stuff. Once again…have fun with it. Say no to Baseball practice or Scout Meeting, or ballet….and yes to dinner with the Spouse.
And by the way…spare me the comments on Gary Smalley. It is a preference. Get off this blog and talk to your spouse.
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Calling All Fathers!
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Everyone has a great “Father knows best” story. Or, at least, everyone has a favorite anecdote about their Dad.
So, I am calling all Fathers to send me your favorite story about being a Dad. And you Kids, I need you to send me your favorite story about your Dad.
I will take a look at each one and pick on of them to be the featured article for the Fatherhood Friday before this coming Father’s Day, June 16th. Can you do it? Will you do it? It can be funny. It can be heartwarming. It can be anything that is memorable to you. Let’s see who has the best story to share for Fatherhood Friday the 14th of June.
And, don’t worry, if you want it to be anonymous, just tell me and we will post it anonymously. So, start thinking about it and try to remember the details of a great fatherhood story. Send it to me by email at Kevin@LeadershipVoices.com.
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How is the view?
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That great southern philosopher, Lewis Grizzard, once said; “If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”
Let me give you a few minutes to visualize that picture. – – – Do you have a mental picture? What do you see?
Yup, you see the northern end of a southbound dog. Picturesque, isn’t it?
But here is the point that Grizzard unwittingly (or maybe not so unwittingly) makes. He is making a point that we need to strive to be leaders and to strive to lead the pack. We should not just be content to run with the pack. And that is a great point. But I think there is a greater point to be made here.
The greater point is about the actual role and behavior of the leader. Although the guy in the parka that stands on the back of the sled has all of the outward appearance of being a leader. He in fact is not. He is the encourager. He is the one who exhorts us on. He may even be the one with authority and the power of the whip if he chooses to use it. But, he is not the leader. I would submit to you that leadership is by example, not by command.
The leader is the number 1 dog out in front. That dog is the one that the other dogs follow. He sets the pace and the actual path the sled will take within the confines of the terrain and environment.
So, what is the leadership principle here?
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Should there be an “I” in Team
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In my opinion, although being catchy phrase, “Why there is no I in team” is one of the most overused and possibly most misunderstood phrase of today’s culture. We see it everywhere, posted at the work place, plastered on signs hung from overhead steel girders, sports facilities and all over military bases, apparently anywhere someone or some organization deems a “Team” atmosphere will be valuable.
In order to develop a “Team” atmosphere, we must first decide what we consider a “Team” to be, and although at first glance this may appear to be a moronic question, is it?
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