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The Blindness of Showing Up

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jk-simmons-growing-up-fisher

Courtesy NBC Studios. All Rights Reserved.

Recently, I began watching a new Sitcom called Growing Up Fisher. The show is told from the view of a middle school boy whose father happens to be blind. You find yourself rooting for the Father as he struggles to manage a law firm, a recent divorce, two children, and a new seeing eye dog named Elvis. Sounds bleak but it isn’t for many reasons. The show is worth watching. It is rare to find a kind-hearted show on the tube these days.

The show reminded me of a father who attended every one of his son’s Little League baseball games. He never missed one game during that season. Not a big deal eh? What made it unique is that the Father is blind.

Yes. He couldn’t drive to the game or gripe about traffic or complain about parking too far from the field. He was blind! He couldn’t watch his son play. But he was present and in attendance supporting his son every game.

Walter would sit in the stands with his walking stick and watch his son play baseball. (How he got there…I haven’t a clue.) He may have been physically blind but he wasn’t blind to the needs of his child and the importance of showing up.

What blinds you to the needs of your family? What keeps you from showing up?

 

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Things They Never Tell You – Part One

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Things they never tell you - 1 - 1“I wish someone would have told me about that!”

How many times have we said that as parents?  I know that I have said it about a bazillion times.  Or, I have said it at least “ten hundred million” times, which was the largest number that I could comprehend as a child.

Human nature assumes that someone out there knows all of the answers.  And if that person would just share that knowledge with us, then we would be able to navigate the difficulties and challenges that life throws our way.  So human nature insists that there is information that is out there, but it is not always shared with us.  That may or may not be true.  I am hoping that some will respond to this with some thoughts on whether or not they believe there is some great cosmic consciousness that contains all that there is to know.  (My personal belief is that the Bible contains all that is necessary to do whatever we need to do in life — including parenting.)

But the thrust of Fatherhood Friday today is that although there are tons of things that we think someone should have told us, we probably would not have believed them if they did.

For instance, I returned from an international business trip last night just before my grandchildren’s bedtime.  I left home last Saturday morning and I returned home late last evening.  I was gone nearly six full days.  I never really travelled on business very much when our children were little.  I was away overnight a few times.  But not many.  And I was surprised by just how much I missed them after only a few days away.  And I was really surprised by how much they seemed to miss me!

Things they never tell you - 1 - 2My point is this.  People told me how much I would miss my family when I was gone.  But, I didn’t really believe them.  I really love my children and yet I did not realize the intense connection that exists in some (not all unfortunately) between a father and their children.  I can remember very clearly my own father travelling when I was young.  And I know how much I missed him when he was gone.  But I never looked at it from his perspective.  

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Leadership and Fear

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imageIt seems that no matter what we do there is an element of fear involved. I guess first we need to define fear, fear as I know it is not being scared. I believe being scared is the emotion that causes people to freeze up or panic, and fear is something that can be overcome by courage and preparation. I am sure there will be several different definitions, but this is my post so you have to deal with my interpretations of the definitions. This is going to be a discussion about fear, the kind of fear that should push us, the fear of failure, the fear of disappointment, the fear of underachieving.

image“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

Franklin D. Roosevelt cautioned Americans with these words during the 1932 presidential election because he knew the power of fear to bring down an economy, to cripple a nation and to stifle the ingenuity needed to create better solutions in turbulent times.

The words leadership and fear seem to be in direct contradiction with one another, yet if we are honest and authentic, I believe most leaders would admit there is something that they fear. As a leader, it can be alluring to let fear dictate your decisions. NO RISK=NO FAILURE, and in the short term, that type of thinking might seem easier. However the nature of fear can be debilitating and often times can leave you stuck in the same place.

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How I Found Life in the Cemetery

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Have you ever found yourself going through life, day after day just going through the motions? You sense inside that you were meant for something bigger and greater, but you just haven’t gotten around to it yet. Maybe you’ve dabbled with the ideas for a while: a blog, a new career, a healthier lifestyle, a fulfilling relationship. Perhaps it’s time for you to take the leap and go all in!

Life in the Cemetery

I sometimes like to find new places for my prayer times. Being outside often helps me feel somehow more connected to God. I was exploring the campus of a nearby Catholic college for such a prayer-place and came across a cemetery for the Jesuit priests who had served faithfully at the school. The dates went way back into the early 1800s and as I walked among the grave markers, it felt like such sacred ground. Looking more closely at the tombstones, I noticed that instead of simply engraving a birth year and death year, there was a “middle date” or in Latin – Ingressus.

As I thought about it, I quickly deduced that this was the date they entered the priesthood. I thought about how at this moment in their lives, everything changed. They left their old life behind completely to enter into the life they were created to live – a life in service to God and others. This was no flippant decision, no small choice. It was an abandonment to immerse themselves into this life-choice. It was clearly the defining moment of their life – memorialized on their tombstone for generations of people to see.

How about you? Do you have a defining moment? Would you have a “middle date” that was so important it would need to be inscribed on your tombstone? What’s keeping you from going “all in”? Obviously, I’m not talking about going into the priesthood. (Unless, of course, that is your calling!) I’m talking about you making the decision to become your best self, to not hold back any longer, to abandon yourself to become everything you were created to be, using your gifts in service to God and others. Perhaps you’ve dreamed of a life like this, but you are just waiting for the right moment. Well, here are a few things I’ve discovered about the perils of waiting.

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Wit & Wisdom from Dwight Eisenhower

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“You do not lead by hitting people over the head — that’s assault, not leadership.”
Dwight Eisenhower

W&W - Eisenhower - 1

We have all probably suffered under the kind of leadership that “Dairyman / Fireman / Journalist / General / President” Dwight D. Eisenhower mentions in one of his famous quotes on leadership.  Eisenhower lived a varied and charmed life.  It was not an easy life and he knew tragedy and death as a child and again as a young father.  But he persevered and became one of the most beloved presidents that our nation has ever known.  He was from humble beginnings in Denison, TX and went on to West Point and then went on to become one of the last 5-Star Generals that our military has produced.

He was a man who knew a little about leadership and physical assault.  He was acquainted with both by profession and experience.  But through it all he determined that leadership was not necessarily manifested through physical prowess.

In this quote he does not tell us exactly how he defines leadership.  So, I will ask you today.  How do you define leadership?  What exemplifies leadership to you?

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Does Your Organization Have A Leadership Culture?

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A Leadership Culture - 1The purpose of leadership in any organization is to advance the mission, vision, scope, or return on an investment.  It is the strong leaders in an organization who can take your mission farther, faster than trying to do it alone.  Unfortunately, some organizations or senior managers (leaders) do not foster a leadership culture.

When this takes place, everyone and everything loses.  The organization loses.  The senior manager loses.  The community loses.  The investors lose.  People lose.  Everyone and everything loses.

There are many reasons for this.  And I will not take time to deal with them here.  But fear plays a huge role.  Fear that they will get cast aside by the new leaders.  Fear that they will not be able to compete against a younger and often a more energetic crowd.

But a leadership culture works both ways.  Older leaders mentoring young leaders.  And young leaders honoring and respecting older leaders who have paved the way to make their success possible.

The following are 10 Signs Your Organization Does Not Have A Strong Leadership Culture:

  1. Senior managers do not prioritize building relationships with management and supervisors down the line.
  2. Junior or younger leaders are often ignored.  Their contribution is not appreciated.  They are not consulted prior to key decisions or given a seat at the table when key decisions are made.
  3. The leadership level becomes a closed group or an exclusive “club”.

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Counting the Cost

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Counting the Cost - 1As fathers, we are the “go-to” guys of the family.  There is a lot that is expected of us. We are given enormous responsibility and we are going to ultimately be accountable for the actions that we take as husbands and fathers.

How does that last sentence make you feel? Are you at peace with that statement? Or are you scared witless by the repercussions of it?

Counting the Cost - 2Fathers can be compared in some ways to a small town mayor or the owner of a small business. Think of the many roles that you are asked to fulfill. Have you counted the costs represented in each role?

You would probably not start a simple DIY project this week-end without sitting down and thinking about the steps needed to complete the project. You would roam around the garage and make sure you have the right tools and materials to complete it. You would plan a trip to the hardware store on your way home one night so that you can get a good start on Saturday morning. And you would do all of this just to replace the garbage disposer in the kitchen.

What if there were within each of us fathers a commitment to the same level of planning and preparation for the role of father? What if we planned to execute the role of father with integrity and maturity as though we were a project manager at work for the sake of our children?

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Leaders and Quitters

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Quitters - 1I hate quitters, and it really doesn’t matter what they are quitting, I just don’t like it.

Now, I am not special, I have quit a few things in my life, I have quit a job or two, I have quit smoking, and I have quit working out and eating right more times than I can remember. That is not really what I want to talk about, I want to discuss, quitting things that matter, marriages, families, life, and I am sure there will be more things we come up with. Lastly I want to compare leaders quitting a team, versus team mates quitting a team.

Has anyone ever thought about what it means to give up? No I am not talking about the kind of giving up that can be positive….surrendering your life to Christ, giving up your old ways for a special woman, giving up some extras in life for a new child. I am talking about the, its too tough or hard, I will just stop trying kind of giving up. What have we done is society to make quitting acceptable? Why has is it become okay to decide either someone else will do it for me, or it just cant be done?

Quitters - 2Have we ever stopped to think about where we would be in the world if there were more quitters? What would the Declaration Of Independence look like if those guys said this revolution is too difficult, where would we be if Noah had built a smaller boat because it was easier, and what would have happened to us if Christ had said, I cant put up with this any longer? So I ask you, why is divorce acceptable? How is leaving children to be raised without ok?

Quitting only seems easy from the outside, ask anyone that has ever quit a job, how hard finding a new one can be. Ask me how hard getting back in the gym is after being out of it for a month or more. Find a divorced guy and ask how much he misses his family. How about people who cant quit what they are doing? Ever consider asking someone in the military if they would like to quit what they are doing? You might hear someone say sometime, it takes guts to quit, I dare say it might, but it takes real heart not to.

So I did a quick internet search and perused a few sites and I found 5 common threads about why Leaders quit:

  1. Burnout — So lead, but find some time for you,
  2. Unrealistic Expectations —  Start with attainable goals, use other leaders to bounce your goals off of,
  3. Criticism —  No one critic, or supporter gets to alter how you feel, you don’t have to respond to critics,
  4. Discouragement — Surround your self with people that care about you, people who will tell you what you need to hear, not what you might want to hear. And lastly
  5. Focus — Don’t lose focus on the goal, what ever it may be, make sure you speak with your team regularly about the goal.

I am going to make an assumption quickly, that our teams are teams because we share the idea that something is worthy of our focus. So saying that, here are

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Lessons From A Jewish Father

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Lessons from a Jewish Father - 1A little Jewish teaching today is what is in store for you today on Fatherhood Friday.

I was recently reminded of the commands given to fathers from the Talmud. What is the Talmud? Well, literally, the Hebrew word is translated as “Study”. The Talmud is the central text that comprises the ceremonial law and the oral teachings that were used as part of the education of every Jewish male. And it had much to say.

What words does it have for us today? I think we would do well to be reminded of what Jewish fathers were commanded to do regarding their male children. A father was commanded to do these three things:

  1. Circumcise his son. (I won’t be dealing with that particular one today, or probably any day in the foreseeable future.)
  2. Teach him the Law.
  3. Teach him a trade.

It is my intention today to remind us fathers that we have some important tasks. In fact, they are Biblical commands.

Lessons from a Jewish Father - 2Teach him the Law – And this has never been more necessary. Dads, it is your job to instill in your sons a sense of right and wrong. It is your job to teach them about justice and truth and eternal values. It is your job to model for them the fact that you lead an upright and circumspect life.

Along with the Law, I would also encourage you to teach them a sense of honor and respect for their mother and their sisters if they are fortunate enough to have them. This will give them a set pattern of respect for women that will serve him well and help ensure that your heart as a father is not broken later by the actions that your son takes as an adult.

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A Thought for Thursday

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Thursday Thought 1 - 1I think that at some point it is reasonable to be judged based upon our performance and not just our intentions.

So much of what is mainstream thought today seems to indicate that as long as you try really, really hard, then you have accomplished something.  You have expended effort.  But effort is not the same thing as accomplishment.

Is effort enough when it comes to leadership?

Are good intentions enough?

I have a lot of thoughts buzzing around my head today and I am curious if you have any thoughts based upon my opening statement.  If you do, I would love to hear them.

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