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Can’t We All Just Get Along?

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Consensus Flow ChartConsensus. Everyone gets their voice heard, all sides of an issue are aired and all potential decisions get vetted, and then the group comes together and agrees on the best solution. The best solution may even be a combination of 2 or more of the ideas. Fair, democratic, inclusive. What could be better?

But what is Consensus, really? While it may be a deliberate choice for a governing method due to the desire to limit the power or control of any one individual, I have often seen it as a sign of weak leaders. It is many times driven by political correctness, fear, or a desire to avoid confrontation and to be liked. And the fuel of Consensus is Compromise.

So what is Compromise? It means that nobody gets what they really want. As the old saying goes, “If nobody’s totally happy with the solution, then it’s probably the right answer.” Really? Why can’t somebody be right and somebody else be wrong? Or why can’t an installed leader be given the authority to make a decision, right or wrong, and then be judged later on the outcome rather than an evaluation of the decision itself?

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And Girls Are Not Little Men Either!

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FF - 20130524 - 2Last week I had little boys on my mind and some of the unique things about how they are made up.  And this week, it is little girls.  (Sorry, I just couldn’t resist the title of this article.)  And last week was about behavior issues while this week is a little more about the emotional aspect of being a father of a little girl.

Up until she walks down that aisle to marry the boy who will steal her from your heart, YOU are the most important man in the world to her.  And the way that you will model what a real man and husband looks like is how you relate to her mother.  I am not so naive as to realize that husbands and wives don’t always stay together.  But that is a subject for another day.  My point here is that your primary job is to love your wife the way that you want her husband to love her one day.  So model for her what love looks like, what honor looks like, what tenderness looks like and what steadfastness looks like.

Little girls are special.  There is nothing like

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Mentoring Milli-moment (shorter than a full Moment)

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For everyone who will be traveling this summer season, for work or for play, I have an important message. You probably do what most people do and take pre-trip safety for granted. Especially on airplanes, we are doing our own things and focused on our families, getting our iToys plugged in and ready for the trip, and so on, and, if you are on a business trip, you are managing a beverage and pretending to do work – to justify the trip and to show off in case a colleague or contractor sees you.

Thus, in the spirit of Safety and Wellness, please allow me to translate at least part of the message we either block out or ignore on flights:

MM - 20130523(Source: New Yorker Magazine)

The same general technique applies to automobiles, too. Folks will be checking, so please comply to ensure safe travels.

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5 Qualities of an Effective Team Mate

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Teammates #1 for 05212013I think at one point or another in our lives, we have all been members of a team. It may have been kickball in grade school, or in my case the military. Keeping in mind that we don’t always get to choose our “Team Mates”, but if you were choosing members for a team, who would the best team mates be? Assuming that people have the ability to achieve the common goal, what other factors would you use to select your team members?

This came to me over the weekend, so I spent some time writing them down one at a time and added a quick blurb about why they were important. I am sure there are many more, but I limited it to what I thought was the ten best.

We will look at the first five this week. And we will look at five more next week.

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Hemingway Quote for Manday

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me-likey-dar-44

Men,

I would share it this way…

…aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.  

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

 

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Boys Are Not Little Men

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Restaurant High ChairOne of the hardest things about being a father of a little boy is realizing that he is not a little man.

Let that sink in for a few minutes.

I think that one of the hardest things about being a father is working through our son’s transition from infant to toddler to preschooler and on up the development path. And one of the toughest aspects of that for us fathers is the realization that at no place along that path is he just a small version of an adult.  He is a child,  And children do childish things.

But this is critical for us as fathers to understand if we are going to manage our expectations, or even have reasonable ones in the first place. Here is what I mean by this. A toddler, for example, is not developmentally able to behave like, think like or even sit like you or I are. But yet, many times we find ourselves out to dinner with our family and in a crowded restaurant. And the next thing we know, little “Junior” is squirming or fidgeting and generally making us aware that he is getting a little bored with life. He may even toss a few french fries onto the floor in his own frustration. Of course we don’t want to be embarrassed by our child’s behavior in the restaurant because I am sure the other patrons in the restaurant have never seen a fidgety child . . . (insert sarcasm here) Little junior starts to fuss and he does so in ever increasing levels until he gets our attention. And he soon gets our attention. But is probably not the attention little Junior is looking for.

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The Need to Win

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The Need to Win 1“He hates to lose.”

“She works hard and plays hard because she loves to win.”

“It’s his competitive nature that’s made him so successful.”

 

We’ve all heard leaders described this way. We’ve certainly competed against such persons in one venue or another. Perhaps we’ve even said such things about ourselves. In my experience, such statements are generally considered to be compliments or positive descriptions of a person.

But is Competitiveness inherently good and positive for a leader? Is striving to finish in first place always a valid and appropriate goal?

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Advantages and Disadvantages of Being on a Team

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Advantage of TeamsBeing on a team can be a great opportunity for us to pool our skills to reach goals and achievements that would be difficult by ourselves. While good teams take advantage of talent and increase effectiveness, teams that don’t work well together can be a source of frustration. Understanding the advantages and disadvantages of being on a team, and recognizing team members strengths, allow leaders to place them in a situation to be successful.

One of the greatest advantages of being on a team is being able to divide up the work and reduce the load on each person. On a Team that I participated in once we also cross trained each other so if there was a failure or a loss, we were still an effective team. Each member gets focus on doing the part he is best at. A downside to this division of labor is that there are some individuals who take advantage of others and fail to do their part. Are there people like this in your family? Are there people like this in your peer group at work? Are there people like this in your clique at church? Is it you? Are you walking by the young man there by himself with your head down, so you don’t have to talk to him?

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What Makes a Good Mentor and Mentee?

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Mentor 1How-to books are full of advice on what makes a good mentor. But what makes a good mentee and what chemistry is needed to make the relationship work?

People being mentored should be open to feedback and be active listeners, according to a new research paper. They should also be respectful of their mentor’s time, including being on time and prepared for meetings.

And it helps to follow at least some of their advice.

“Successful mentorship is vital to career success and satisfaction for both mentors and mentees,” said Dr. Sharon Straus, a researcher at St. Michael’s Hospital and author of the paper published online in Academic Medicine.

Dr. Straus examined mentor-mentee relationships at two large academic health centers, the University of California, San Francisco, School of Medicine and the University of Toronto Faculty of Medicine, where she is director of the Division of Geriatric Medicine. She said

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Fatherhood Is Finding the Joy in the Little Things

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Little ThingsI won’t name any names here. But some little girl who once lived in my house used to begin conversations (well, actually I think it was the beginning of a request) with this statement:

“Daddy, do you know what I like about you? You find joy in the little things.”

The next part of that little conversation was usually me asking what little thing I was about to find joy in doing. She always had a ready answer when I asked in return what joy I was finding. More often than not the “little thing” didn’t cost any money. It usually only cost a little time.

I was aware at the time of many of the joyous little things that came together to make up my life. I did so because I had a wife who reminded me often and who helped me to slow down from time to time and experience the joy of fatherhood. But, I bet I missed a bunch of little things as well. So, in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, in the overwhelming drive to be the best provider to my family, in the extreme exhaustion of working all day and coming home and rushing off to little league or soccer, I encourage you find some joy today and tomorrow in the “little things” that make being a Dad so great.

 

Photo credit: Nutmeg Designs / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND